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Looking after ourselves

Re: Doing Better...

Hi @Former-Member ,

 

Radical acceptance is to accept things we have no control over.

 

I have been hurt in the past - very much. When I think if those times, I still feel it, even though it has been over 15 years.

 

That pain may never go away, but I don't live by that pain. I don't live in the past knowing I cannot change the past. Neither do I live in the future because I do not know what the future will hold.

 

I have a pretty matter-of-fact way of managing. If an upset comes my way, I do a lot of self-talk and say, 'That was meant to be for my own growth and perfecting. It is to make me a better/stronger person.'

 

When I lose something or feel some sort of loss, I also say, "It was meant to be. Maybe that 'thing' was just not for me, and if I tried holding onto it, I may be hurt a lot more."

 

Self-talk is not about telling yourself you HAVE to be okay and not feel hurt. It is more about helping you to re-frame the situation so that the hurt doesn't keep you from moving on.

 

As for the 'rumour' of medication.... having been in many different anti-depressants in my life, it IS a rumour. Or more precisely put, it's a SUPPLEMENT to healing and not the magic pill that zaps up all the hurt. I'd rather you know this so you can be prepared for it. Anti-depressants are to support you alongside your recovery.

 

If any of this does not make sense to you or you do not agree, please feel free to take it with a grain of salt. 

 

No pressure, obligation, or offence. 

 

hugs, tyme

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Doing Better...

@tyme

Thank you. It pays to have positive input. You hear, are told, or think the negative long enough it becomes all you can hear told and think. It then lures you into believing there is only negative.

I think I'm just hurting because the pain both of us are going through is being made worse by those around us and I'm scared we are both running out of time.

It's good to know about the medication thing for me. I know it's not a cure but isn't it suppose to help? I can't just wing it through this fight like I have before I'm not physically mentally or emotionally able to just have nothing there and somehow cope.

You know when you reach a certain age some things you just can't do anymore? Like my partner is 21 and he can still go days without sleep just like I use to be able to do at his age but hard living wore me down faster than years. I'm now 33 and couldn't go a day without sleep (I'm often always tired even when I do sleep)

Well the same is said about my ability to take traumatic events and losses on the chin and just keep going. I can't do it anymore. Not without something to help- if either of us had the right help years ago we wouldn't be this broken this badly hurting unnecessarily.

If medication can't help me how is it meant to help him? With his own kind of medication. Are we really just two unfortunate "kids" beaten up by life and neglect and now we don't get to really live? Are we really just the unlucky ones to cost through life accumulating damages only to rot away in our illnesses never to be free or happy? Am I fighting a battle already lost because the outcome was precursored by poverty and neglect at birth?

Can either of us ever get better or is his mother right that we are too broken to be allowed love and marriage and kids (clearly not now but later)

Is there any hope left to nievely hold on to?

Re: Doing Better...

I am, and will always be, a firm believer in HOPE @Former-Member . I've always said, "While there's breath, there's hope".

 

As for medication, I'm no med expert. Dealing with meds is such an intricate task - getting it right the first time is not always possible. But definitely, medication does have its place. 

 

For me, I took meds alongside my psychotherapy. If it weren't for the medication, I would not have been well enough to take in the psychotherapy. Do you get what I mean? So please don't think that meds are useless.. they definitely have a part to play when used appropriately and according to prescribing doctors' recommendation. I just didn't want you to wait there hanging for 3 weeks only to realise you didn't experience a WOW! effect. 

 

But even as I type this, with your outlook and perspective of things, I truly believe there's real hope.

 

Just hang in there. 

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Doing Better...

@tyme

By my fingertips.

Once again you are right as long as there is breath there is hope.

Dasn't make the long worried nights go faster tho.

Thank you. It's ment a lot to have this forum. No one else in our lives understand mine or his conditions it's great that you all do.

It's not about the conditions it's about the person until more people get that the little help there will be for peopke like me and him.

Re: Doing Better...

True @Former-Member . Knowing there's hope doesn't make the nights of worrying any faster, However, worrying won't make the night go faster either!

 

One thing I have found helpful is that just before bed, I write down everything I am worried about on a piece of paper - that is my 'worry time'. Then, I put that paper aside and go to sleep because I know in the morning, the paper will still be there with all my worries!

 

What happens is that in the evenings, our brains have developed to over-think in the evenings. This is part of evolution where tribal people needed to 'worry' in order to stay alive e.g. worry that there was a predator, or worry there was an enemy. The evenings was when they had to be most alert.

 

Our modern-day mind has carried this over so that we also worry most in the evening.

 

By you writing worries down during your dedicated 'worry time', you'll know that in the morning, you'll have a different view about what has been troubling you. It doesn't mean the worries disappear. It more means that that worry in the even won't turn to a bigger worry which then turns to a bigger worry so that by midnight, you're worrying about the whole world!

 

Hope I'm making sense.

 

Hugs, tyme 

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Doing Better...

@tyme 

 

Thanks that's good info. I hadn't thought of it that way plus my over sense of worrying can be contributed to the fact I've only just come out of another homeless stint that had a LOT at night to worry over like the way you suggested our ancestors did. It takes a while to overcome homelessness traumas too. I've been so caught up in my relationship that I forgot about other factors.

 

However I've a new concern tonight ...

 

How do you tell a person's true nature if they have a condition like his? Could I have just been played? Or am I trying to talk myself into that way of thinking to make sense of his absence? You know, that whole PTSD thing were I'm wired to believe the negative over the positive...? 

 

How can I stop feeling ill in the stomach? Or is that perhaps a side effect of my new medication? How can I tell the difference, but more importantly how can I stop my stomach being so churned up? 

 

...and just how long are these long nights and days going to last? Can I ever be fixed? Can I ever heal? 

 

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