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Looking after ourselves

welcome_snacks
Contributor

Interests

Hi all,

 

Starting with the question: how do you find what you're interested in?  (Or what are your interests so I can co-opt them)

 

Story version: currently undergoing therapy, psyc review, alcohol counselling for probable bipolar, psychosis etc.  All three of my therapists have told me I'm too hard on myself (true) and that I need to do something that makes me happy to recharge my batteries (coming out of a long depressive episode).  Problem is, I don't know what makes me happy.  My therapist suggested exploring things I'm interested in, but I honestly don't know.  I've spent a long time looking after other people (Mopping up after an alcohol abusing mum, caring for a sick wife, parent of 2), and I struggling to come up with something that interests me, or that I want to do.  Anyone else get through this to find your thing?  

 

Thanks in advance everyone

15 REPLIES 15

Re: Interests

Welcome to the forums @welcome_snacks !

 

Thank you for sharing your story.

 

I've been in the place you are describing - looking for things that would make me 'happy' while I was in a state of depression. Now that I look back, it seems so odd. If I knew and was involved in things that made me 'happy', would you still be in a state of depression?

 

Moving forward, I think I learnt to reframe my thinking around what being 'happy' was. It used to be simply not having any depression or any adversity. Now, I believe it is more about learning to work with and embrace challenges.

 

I'm sure other members will be able to share their experiences with you.

 

@Judi9877 @maddison @Christheart @Bow 

 

tyme

Bow
Senior Contributor

Re: Interests

Hey @welcome_snacks ! I’m glad you bought the snacks with you 😉

 

hmmm I think I just went about trying new things. I’ve always enjoyed painting.... from a young age, so that’s something that I have done throughout my whole life... art of some kind. Sometimes I play around with different mediums, sometimes I find something new to explore and experiment with. 

 

Indoor plants became a big thing a few years ago. I gave it a go and found out that I really enjoyed it and it made me happy. 

 

What kind of things did you enjoy when you were younger? 

Re: Interests

Great question @welcome_snacks . Similar journey, myself. Not too long ago, I realized how much I was struggling to answer the question of "what do want?". Getting better at answering that question has been crucial to recovering (and wanting to recover (by having things to recover for)).

 

Generally

- It's good for the brain to get in at least a little bit of cardio.

- Consider heroes and mentors and why they deserve such an exalted representation to you. (from a social learning theory point of view).

- People don't do enough creative stuff (and it stifles our poor culture far too much).

- Your internet algorithms can be a mirror. They spend god-money trying to work out what you like.

 

I remember a talk show from years ago that offered some advice. Advice was to consider what you enjoyed doing way back in your childhood. Though we warp over time, particularly over hard times, we're still the same people. Sometime it's about "moving on" to new strengths AND "reaching back" to original strengths. It's all strength. Choose your adventure.

Re: Interests

Hey @welcome_snacks and welcome to the forums! 

I've definitely had times in my life where I couldn't remember what I was interested in. I think it was a matter of getting back out there, making space and trying things until I found something I liked again. 

I hope that helps and you find your thing 😊

Re: Interests

Thanks everyone for your tips.  @tyme your comment about happy vs not depressed scarily mirrors a conversation I had recently about remembering being happy, but not remembering a time I wasn't depressed.

 

@Bow , thanks for the suggestions, art therapy has always felt really awkward for me, but made me realize I used to write, so it might be somewhere to revisit.  

 

@wellwellwellnez , we've actually just adopted a labradoodle so I have enforced cardio, she won't let me get away with not going for a walk.  The looking back advice is one I've heard before, thanks to childhood trauma I've been reluctant but considering how many sources are telling me the same thing, I should probably start listening

 

@Paperdaisy what you said about 'making space' really resonated with me, having been in a carer role in some capacity for a long time it's been really easy to diminish me and hide behind other people's needs, at the cost of my own space, thanks for giving me the words

 

Also thanks for all the welcomes, this diagnosis journey I'm on is terrifying, and I've found these forums really helpful to start to normalise MH in everyday life

 

Bow
Senior Contributor

Re: Interests

Hey @welcome_snacks  glad to see you today. 

 

I dont really do painting.... art.... as a form of therapy, more just something that I enjoy doing, it makes me happy to finish a canvas that looks half decent that I can hang on my wall. I don’t think I’ve ever really don’t art therapy before. 

 

I enjoy writing too 🙂 I use to do it a lot many years ago. Just getting back into it now with a book that I am writing. 

 

Wishing you all the best as you discover the things that you are interested in

 

🎀

Re: Interests

Animals certainly do make good life coaches @welcome_snacks . And, yeah, reclaiming the inner child is a bit of a classic concept. Almost cliche, but also definitely not cliche, as everyone goes about the process differently.

 

On that note I'd also like to add "games" and other forms of general "play" to the list of potential goals of pursuit. Play has a way of helping instincts and reward mechanisms work out how to get along. Plus all the other reasons. Also, no reason, just because.

 

It really is a fantastic question. Thanks so much for sharing it with us. Really important reflections.

Re: Interests

Goo Evening @welcome_snacks ,

 

How are you going? I was thinking about you, so thought I'd pop by to see how you are.

 

tyme

Re: Interests

Hi @tyme I'm ok, had a swan day, everything looked pretty elegant on the surface but under the water was pretty hectic.  Thanks for checking in- how was your day?

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