Socialising for Beginners

[tyme]

Put it this way, I have eventually 'learnt' social skills, but it's so not worth the effort on my part. I'm just so happy not having to have 'friends'. I talk to a lot of people, don't get me wrong, but I wouldn't 'die' for them @Eve7 @Appleblossom @Historylover . 

I'm quite content not being 'fresh meat'.... but then again, I think i'd bite back (this i have learnt to do!)

[Appleblossom]

@Historylover Funny you are using dog metaphors. Sad you were fresh meat.  Me too.  I am beginning to see how much my early conditioning to submit brings that predatory behaviour on and how much I struggle before I speak out, but getting there. Speaking out more quickly. Very relevant for me. As I had a doglovers united group trying to take over the street.  2 of them have since moved out, but a couple of days ago one was visiting and there was a group of 4 with 2 dogs.  I stopped and chatted as they were blocking the footpath and I do like one of them and one of them is so over bearing nobody can igmore her. I made some jokes about being best growling frog and stood my ground when the one who whinges about her dog with anxiety to justify its barking behaviour, I spoke up loud and strong about how lucky the dog was getting all the extra attention and excuses for it.  It was not hostile.  I never got to be able to use my telling off voice as a mother so finally owning it and using it when necessary.  I also said he should have been on lead. I made enough laughter for it to be lighthearted, but I have to stand my ground, when I feel my family are treated worse than dogs ... still.  Ie COMPLY with cto.

I continued on my to the shops and thought about how similar it was when I was a child and I had to avoid gangs of young males on the stairs outside my front door.  Ha ha Story of my life. Politely walking around trouble when I can. However these ladies have very good opinions of themselves and would not like that image. Ha ha so Apple has moved up the social ladder and the gangs are of better quality.

@Eve7 Yes there may be some good people, but I have found them hard to find, and often have sides to them that are prejudicial to people that may be different.

@tyme Similar to me. I guess at school and work I cultivated a friendly to all approach but mostly a loner and it has been neccessary and probably best adaptation.  If I had been lucky to be socialised into a nice in group from young I may be different.  The idea of deep loyalty and best friends is a great ideal, but not a frequent occurrence, in my book.

Its funny, I even read that was my style in one of my ward files after a social worker went to my school to find out about me.  That was Grade 3. She wrote I was well liked and friendly to everyone, probably cos of being in group homes.... finding a silver lining. lol Personally I found big group homes very overwhelming and loud with lots of various groups and power shenanigans, but it did confirm for me that I am not a dibber dobber cos more shenanigans came from on high.

I know some aspect of socialising is about having a skill set, but I do not think it is sufficient, as the complexity of humans is so great, the skillsets need to shift ... according to environment.

@MDT @Oaktree @tonys 

[Historylover]

In the real world, @Eve7. I haven't found any 'nice people' who can maintain that image for long. They all seem to have an agenda and a gang mentality which surfaces very quickly. 

At least, in my solitude, I get to please myself about everything, and I can eat all the grapes, persimmons, camembert and brie myself even though I'd love to share.

I don't know what the answer is. It seems everyone needs an underdog and that is just not my style. 

 

[Historylover]

I think the idea is that when we learn the rules, they change them, @Appleblossom. I'm just so tired of trying to get to play a game I can't win. I have all the gear, the uniform, I know how to play but I guess I am just too keen. And keen aspirants have to be brought down by group force.

I think my experiences prevent further attempts. 

 

[Eve7]

I find that very sad @Historylover 

[Historylover]

Me too, @Eve7. But, better times ahead. Maybe they'll all realize what they are missing.

[tonys]

Hello @TideisTurning .  You asked me what the meaning of life was a few weeks ago. All I can offer is,

to bear witness to the existence of those we hold dearest.

                   Cosmos

I am but ash from ashes

     once bemoaned in twilights fire

By glow of moth wings in your flames 

      cast shadows   danced desire.

I am but field beneath the fields

        of windswept moonlit hair.

 I privilege pain of scorn and thorn 

         adorn your skin so fair.

I am but valleys for your tears

        to learn why lovers cry

 I wrecked my sails upon your seas 

        for you to tell me why.

Your kiss that trembles on my skin

         transcends through dark affliction

 The pain of birth and life and death

          a love worth valediction.

Penumbra eyes saw through your skies

          still search in ponds reflection.

 Accepting since you passed my love

          in self imposed defection.

But soon the music in your eyes

          your milk my blood and then.

 Without you I can never be

            Til  next  we meet again.

Thankyou.  @Oaktree   I miss you too.

Hope you are all safe warm and happy   @StuF   @TAB  @Appleblossom  @EternalFlower 

 @Thyme  @Shaz51   @Eve7  @Owlunar  @amber22   and @Bunniekins  n all.  tonys   mb 1.

Oh, Op went well but cant move much till skin grafts take,  So cant type with out a visitor or willing nurse.   Bye for now.

[Appleblossom]

"I privilege pain of scorn and thorn"

what a poignant line @tonys 

Sending gentle healing energies your way ...

Til next time

[tonys]

Thankyou  so much @Appleblossom .  You are a thoughtful friend.  I do hope you still have that glimmering coin in your left pocket.   I really enjoyed the exchange of ideas between you and the others

on this thread. It really warmed up there for a bit. Wanted to hit suport on every post. but couldnt in hospital. Friends doing the reading for me til my head is back to normal. 

It was the first time I ever saw  Thyme,   really open up, and a few others besides.  Really moved me 

of my comfort chair,  and stirred deep thoughts.  There really is a lot of pain behind the eyes of people

here,  I really can't complain about my lot.  Luck is so fickle, and I do think much of life is down to luck.

I often wish some of my luck had been better apportioned  to some of the people whose stories I read.

Anyway I start physio in a few days. I parted company with a 1.8 kg benign tumour on my back

which I should have got removed 40 years ago. and a heap of scar tissue gone to, so I'll look a little more normal in a few weeks. Wonder if a small part of me will miss it.. My thoughts are with you

mate.

@TAB.   Missed a ton of posts mate and I bet your kicking goals with your new home. I get much comfort from knowing your up to mischief somewhere. Take care and pass by best wishes on to everyone  please.  Of the forum a lot while I'm on this much meds. Few weeks n I'll be home. 

@Oaktree  Boy I could use some of your fresh veg in here little mis green fingers. Keep smiling mate.

Any way. Take care all.  Very best wishes to all on Sane.   T  mb 1

[TAB]

hopefully for the best re op then re tumor ? @tonys 

just got home , walked from emergency , had go ambo there, choked out 2nd time in 3 days .. about to become extinct here. Seriously .