~ The Toolshed ~

[PeppyPatti]

Dearest @Glisten 

I don't feel I have any control over my space. Mr Rocker get up late lies on the couch and suffers from trying to quit pot and smoking. 

It's emotionally exhausting. I'm also still ( !!) freaking out from the damn operation that happened 20 years ago it feels but this is how it goes. 

So I went on ai to get tips on how I do the home and today I'm just thinking about doing little wins. I'm cleaning out the outside porch and hope to ask Mr Rocker if he can help. 

Your empathy... I hold onto. Thankyou. 

@Dreamy @Bunniekins @avant-garde @Jynx @tyme @creative_writer @Historylover @StuF @Gibbs @Yabnut @Abner @Ru-bee @Lynx @MissinTooth 

@Dimity @Lily3 

Hopefully our little holiday will help him. He  went back to smoking again last week.  Curses. I wish he would go to the doctor. 

My support worker is getting a job with me. I'm hiring her to get my kitchen clean when she is away. She is a wonderful lady. She has to pay lots of money to the Government to live here as she is from another country. She is married with a 4 year old boy. He  is already getting bullied at school because hei s from another country and the food in his lunchbox is different than other children. 

Do parents teach their children that all children are not the same ??

He is a beautiful beautiful boy. 

Anyway she wants to clean out my kit hen.  It's a win win for both of us but I still feel ashamed. 

So today I'll clean outside. 

[Glisten]

 @avant-garde  I completely agree with you. I admire Local Governments that look after their own.

It comes down to the question of, what sort of community do I want to live in?

Most people think that if you are homeless, then you have failed at life. Haven’t worked hard enough etc.

Teachers are homeless, living out of their cars due to the cost of living.

Women over the age of 55, are fast becoming largest percentage of homeless people.

I’m homeless, in that I have no permanent home.

[Glisten]

@PeppyPatti a change of location can be a BIG motivator.

Have you and Mr Rocker gone to see a GP for some sport for Mr R.

It’s only logical that he is self medicating for a reason.

He might have ADHD?

[Abner]

You're bearing up very well @PeppyPatti , these are life problems and life problems are always hard to manage, sometimes they're impossible.  There's a lyric in the song "The impossible Dream" which goes "To bear with unbearable sorrow" and that's what many of us have to do.  So don't be hard on yourself because you haven't got it all sorted, none of us does. 

And also the difficulty your support worker and her family are going through is also a life problem.  Wrap your arms around each other and commiserate, and let each other know you understand.  

There's nothing wrong with Mr Rocker, it's just addiction is another life problem.

[Abner]

Also @PeppyPatti  we all experience messed up lives lots of times, and repeatedly too, and while we may get one or two right we often don't get a lot in order.  You're not alone or unique in that. 

We're a creature that needs a physically tidy space to cope with the fact life is a hodge-podge unpredictable, disorderly mess, that is sometimes delightful.

[Abner]

Enjoy the little delights in each day @PeppyPatti , that'll help you cope.  They're more powerful than they look.  And celebrate your wins.

[Blackcloud]

@Dreamy There are many times where I feel like I’m a failure, and that’s because I really am. 🤣🥲

[Dreamy]

@Blackcloud you most certainly are not a failure, not now, not ever. You are amazing, strong and bright ❤️.

[PeppyPatti]

I may be open in letting You know that I have no idea about addictions. 

But am exhausted and so happy I have my unit to myself whilst Mr Rocker has gone crying somewhere.......

And I cleaned the loungeroom table. Yay. 

Yes unbearable sorrow. Who wants to sit here and discuss childhood wounds ? No thanks. How do we manage them ? 

I remember many years ago when I stumbled more like swayed into Centrelink on much medication to hand in forms and I met this lady who asked me to give her the forms and helped me. I still remember that moment of kindness. 

Sometime ago - @ENKELI used to write me seperate little messages thanking me for being kind. I remember that I remember her extra messages with love. 

I remember @Dreamy first arriving and she spends time asking me how I am. She doesn't have to do that but she has an eye for picking up those little subtle changes in how people are. Does that make her extra special with a gift ? Can @Dreamy be so troubled that she has extra sensory abilities she understands other people like me ? 

Or how @Blackcloud gives me little messages on my attempts at art then posts a still life that is still In The forefront of my brain ? 

I wish I wish I felt like I can handle these difficulties in life. I wish I could wave a wand and my handle my temperaments but I can't. 

This morning I fell apart and said " I need to take care of myself. Iv been lying to you for weeks to keep your state of mind good and you haven't even noticed. 

Oops. It's all going to work out like 

@Abner writes. 

Thankyou. 

@Jynx @Dreamy @Blackcloud @Glisten @Oaktree @ArraDreaming @Ru-bee @TAB @Meowmy @tyme 

I don't think I'm a waste of time but I'm a happy zero. I'm hoping I'm completely forgotten when I pass. 

Maybe my quilts will survive for a few more years. 

[Abner]

There's a quote of George Bernard Shaw that's often misquoted, what he said is "Life wasn't meant to be easy, but sometimes it's delightful!". We don't have the answers to managing the problems life comes with, all we know is what we're good at, and our abilities are important because they help us cope with the life difficulties we're not good at.  Use your many talents @PeppyPatti they'll help you a lot.