Lived Experience Forum

[DID82]

I really struggle like I’m here for others and I just can’t make life good for me. I work come home hide in my room. It’s not living I’m so depressed at th Ed moment. I know i need to push myself to step out but it just seems so overwhelming just managed to be regular at work. I don’t want to just survive  Anymore

[tyme]

It sounds very hard tonight for you @DID82 .

From experience, merely surviving is not living. It is painful, hence people want an out. I've been in that dark place, and it is true when you said you need to make an effort to get out. Yet I also recognise that you need to be mentally ready for it.

Perhaps you can use the forums to help you navigate some of what is happening for you tonight?

I also want to invite you to SANE's drop-in counselling service on 1800 187 263. They are available 10am-10pm AEST Mon-Fri.

In the case of crisis, it's also handy to have these numbers seeing SANE is not a crisis service:

• Lifeline on 13 11 14
• beyondblue on 1300 224 636
• Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467

Please take care, and I'll send you a check-in email.

tyme

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @DID82,

I just want to let you know I know that feeling. It's really not a nice way to feel or be and I really empathise because I went through a time like that myself many years ago.

I felt like an actor - I would go to work (I feel like I was on autopilot), do my job, go through the motions and then go home. Everyday I just aimed to get through the day so I could go home and return to the safety of my bed.

Like you I was just in survival mode. I was existing, not living. All my energy was used up going to work and after a while I started to resent it. I started to realise I deserved better and wanted better. It wasn't a quick fix by any means, it took time, I had to fight back against my thoughts and my feelings. I went to my GP, got support and started slowly re-engaging in life again. I started to remember that life could be enjoyable and even fun sometimes. 

For me it was baby steps, a phone call to a friend, a lunch at a cafe, a walk in the park. I knew if I pushed myself too fast I would be like a turtle and retreat to my shell. Do you have a trusted friend you can talk to / spend some time with? 

For me those days were a long time ago and they were very challenging but they did get better. When I think about those days I still remember how I felt very clearly and it makes me sad that I went through that. Be kind to yourself, have empathy for yourself, and tell yourself you deserve better because you do.

On the flip side I know it can get better and it will - just one day at a time, one step at a time, but know there is so much hope that it will get better 🙂

Wishing you all the best,

FloatingFeather 

[Tayla3]

@DID82 

My heart goes out to you friend. What you are saying really resonates with me. The struggles of the caring soul....Really sounds like you are right in the thick of it too and that sucks and sounds really hard. 

You are doing more than surviving, you are reaching out here and thats amazing. Good on you.

I hope this question isn't triggering. Who is looking after you? I used to ask this question to myself heaps then came to the conclusion it is up to me to look after me......Do you tell yourself you are there for you?

What is one kind thing you can do for yourself each day? For me it's making my morning coffee. 

I don't know if you are up for this idea.....There are heaps of "Heal your inner child" guided meditations on utube. I found them really soothing, like a virtual hug.  

If you are up for it, the people at the Sane Hotline are so helpful and kind. 

Would you be open to calling? 1800 187 263

Sending hugs your way and stepping out with you!

[Historylover]

I hope things improve for you soon, @DID82. I can only send best wishes. Take care.

[Domo87]

Hi @DID82 

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I can definitely relate to what you are going through as I’m in the same situation and working on myself currently to try and make a good life for myself. Existing is definitely no way of living and I know exactly how that feels. 

Working a job I don’t really love, doing my best to have the energy to get through the day only to retreat to my home to escape it all. 

reading the other responses, I can completely relate to the masks you put on at work, everything’s ok and just going through the motions. 

I’m on the same journey as you my friend, so know that you are not alone but we can get through this.

Due to some of my past experiences, I too haven’t exposed myself to the world and find it an effort to push myself to step up and get out because I get socially anxious and at times really overwhelming, but I have hope and I am working on eventually getting the courage to step out and face the world head on. 

I too have thoughts of despair thinking what am I going to do with my life and how am I going to overcome this, but luckily I sought help and found this magical forum to find likeminded individuals and seek support from the awesome peer workers here to help us on our journey.

I often run away from a lot of my problems and never took time to think about what I want to get out of my life because I was too scared of facing these things or thought I’d never “figure” it out, I actually took some time off work because it was getting too much and spent some time thinking about my strengths and started thinking about what would be meaningful to me. 

by the sounds of what you said you have a real care for others, as do I, and I only recently discovered about peer work which sounds really appealing to me, but i wouldn’t of found out until I started investigating and taking action. It took me a long time to have the courage to start looking, but I’m glad I did. 

what I will say, don’t be too hard on yourself, you are doing the best that you can right now. 

it’s a good start that you are reaching out for support which takes a lot of courage. 

what helped me was to speak to someone and get support, the moment I realized it was ok to ask for help, everything else became easier. 

we are going to get through this!

cheers