Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

I have a mild crush on the waitress at my cafe.

We're not friends outside of that setting, but we've "known" each other for more than two years now. We've talked about our lives before, and we're comfortable with each other, but I hope you know what I mean.

Anyway, on Friday, she left a few minutes after I came in, and I blew her a kiss goodbye.

Initially, I was a bit embarrassed, but I didn't see her reaction. Later, I figured that was a mistake on my part, because I didn't know whether she would appreciate it. So I decided to keep a low profile.

Today, I came in for the first time since it happened, and unfortunately, she wasn't very happy to see me. Maybe I am overthinking it, but she didn't really look at me, and the expression on her face looked like she was disturbed. 

That really hurts.

It's been four days, so I hope this doesn't mean things are going to be awkward between us permanently. I'm sure that won't be the case. I just need to let both of us forget about it, and maybe keep my distance for a while.

I was talking to the other staff, and she was smiling at the end. I can't tell whether she was listening to what I was saying, or whether she was talking to someone else, but that's an encouraging sign.

It is a bit of a high school problem, I have to say. One of those things that you'll probably look back on and laugh about. I am seeing my doctor tomorrow, and I plan on mentioning it, but she's older, so she's probably going to think "is this the kind of [...] young people worry about?" 😂.

It's really upsetting, though... I haven't been able to meet anyone I can show affection to without it causing problems.

It makes me feel like I'll never mean anything deeper to anyone, and I'll always be nice, but in a distant way. I guess that'll have to be good enough?

I had a best friend for about eighteen months. We had a very deep relationship, in the broad sense of the word, but even the smallest hint of something deeper than that, and she would get scared.

I never felt that way about her, but occasionally, I had to clarify that. Even if I did feel that way, would that be the worst thing in the world, and if so, why?

I'm just frustrated. Like, congratulations to the vast majority of people who don't have this problem...

[LostAngel]

hi @Former-Member sorry to hear your going through this and its not just a high school thing it can happen at any age trust me,maybe the problem isnt with you maybe the problem or mind you the solution also is with your crush ,referring to your best friend getting scared at the prospect of you feeling something deeper for them it could be that maybe they are scared of being vulnrable and open and honest with there feelings about you or towards you,maybe the crush likes you but is scared Im not sure though as I cant mind read but just a suggestion that maybe others are having internal struggle with letting you in as I have to say personally Ive had a simular struggle of letting the guy in and honestly it stems my own fears which actually are non related to my genuine feelings for him,maybe give crush time to come to you and reach out to you emotionally when she feels reay to,just try being encouraging and just be there for now,give things time,if she likes you in return she will come to you on her own terms hope this helps

[CocoMarie]

I think one thing I have learnt is we don't know what is going on in someone's head - and I've been told by Managers at work that my face does not match my actions, as stress, confusion or my illness just makes it hard to hide my first thought but does not convey the process of working out an emotion or letting an emotion land safely. 

Also for women if they feel safe with you as a friend but then it looks like feelings might be different that can be a bit stressful and maybe you just caught her off guard. 

You have known her for two years within the mental health space so continue to give her some space, be you, and allow her to reenter the space when she is ready. 

If you do want to pursue a relationship then talking to your clinical psychologist first a very good idea. Your friend is in a vulnerable position and relationships and intimacy might not be what she is seeking within a theraupautic environment - but a freind who doesn't judge her is what she needs.

it's just a matter of being mindful of your environment and the foundation you built with a person. These are all learnings and they take time to master for all of us.

[P12]

I think disconnection between humans is one of the strangest and most puzzling aspects of the human condition. One person can desperately seek connection but be left unfulfilled throughout their whole life. I'm not sure why human beings evolved or were made this way.