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chibam
Senior Contributor

My Response To "Why Do Targets Matter In Suicide Prevention?" (TW: Suicide)

The other day, I was notified about this article (https://www.sane.org/news/suicide-prevention-targets) in my SANE email newsletter. The article doesn’t seem to have a dedicated comments section, and indeed, it’s footnote seems to indicate that all commentary ought to be directed to this forum; so that’s what I’m doing.

 

Those who are familiar with my stance on this issue will no doubt get broken record vibes from this response of mine. I know I do have a tendency to harp on. But my feelings are that, so long as the same sort of errors keep appearing in major policy publications (e.g. an article published by the head of SANE), we need to keep calling them out; even at the risk of sounding insufferably repetitive.

 

I feel I ought to just clarify, too, that I’m well aware that I don’t speak for the entire suicidal community, and that many will disagree with what I have to say. If that’s you, please make your voice heard. I don’t claim to represent anybody other then myself; though I do hope and suspect that I have like-minds out there somewhere.

 

My key grievance with the article is this: we are still focussing on the wrong statistic when we keep talking about suicide reduction targets.

 

Downturns in suicide statistics tell us nothing, because an averted suicide doesn’t necessarily mean a positive outcome. As a matter of fact, my opinion is that an averted suicide can often lead to the most horrible of outcomes. Those who know me well on here know that that is the essence of my own story.

 

I reached a point in my therapy where my therapist suddenly decreed that there was no hope for me. Love, career fulfilment, meaningful relationships... none of it was in the cards for me; my life was a lost cause. In fact, she was the second therapist to tell me as much. So, naturally, I realized that the only legitimate option I had was suicide. My therapist realized immediately where my head was at, and set about to aggressively coerce me into abstaining from suicide, by shaming me with talk of how much misery I would inflict on my relatives if I went through with it.

 

She got inside my head with her mind games; and so now I just have to wait for natural death to give me the release I crave, but for which I have been robbed of the selfish determination to personally pursue.

 

Fast forward to today, and when I read articles like this, it makes me realize that the upper tiers of the institutions who claim to want to “help” us are still not our friends; because their priorities are contrary to our own. They are offended by our deaths; we are offended by our own suffering. We contemplate our deaths and figure: “it’s not ideal, but it’s better then decades of pointless anguish”, they look at people suffering at length and figure: “it’s not ideal, but it’s better then them being dead.”

 

That’s when you realize you are still just someone else’s pawn, being pushed around to serve someone else’s game. You live because that’s what others have decided they want you to do, not because it’s what you have any cause whatsoever to do.

 

Getting back to the subject at hand, my grievance with the official fixation on reducing suicide statistics is that I am not amongst those statistics myself. Hence, while I am sitting here in misery, our leaders are touting my life as one of their “success stories”: one more suicide averted – that’s all that bears mentioning. Does anybody out there, amongst those fastidiously monitoring these statistics, care that I, in all the years since my suicide-that-was-so-effectively-prevented, have constantly been yearning for the peaceful mercy of death? Does anybody care that I do not count the prevention of my suicide as improvement on what could’ve been if the system’s suicide prevention measures had been less effective?

 

Spending some time on these forums, I have repeatedly noticed instances of other users on here saying things to the tune of: “I hope I’m terminally ill right now, or that I get natural death soon, because that will release me.” Those statements always strike me, because that’s been my unwavering feeling for years now.

 

We are all the “success stories” of those people in the suicide prevention field who dwell on whether the suicide statistics are going up or down. We have not committed suicide! Congratulations, masters! You won! And when we do die (likely after decades of pointless misery), our deaths will be registered as respectable, natural deaths. We will be headaches for the chief cardiologist, or the chief oncologist; not the chief psychiatrist. One less suicide number registered in the annual tally. One more success story for the suicide-prevention crusaders. Well done.

 

Maybe I am crazy for thinking this way, but when I look at my story, my currant life, and the testimony I read in places like this from people in similar boats to myself, I can’t help but feel like suicide statistics are a terrible distraction for our leaders. Because, I think that we are living proof that it is all too easy to prevent 1000 suicides, and create 1000 far more grievous tragedies in the process.

 

Please, SANE, government, and anyone else in power who may be listening to the ramblings of this broken old nutter, stop focussing on whether suicide statistics are going up or down, and start paying attention to the numbers of people living in anguish. And please, stop to considder for a second that perhaps letting someone go might be more humane then obligating them to suffer through a senseless long life.

 

Because I’m sick of my continued existance being officially chalked up as a “success story”.

22 REPLIES 22

Re: My Response To "Why Do Targets Matter In Suicide Prevention?" (TW: Suicide)

Hey @chibam  thank you for sharing your experiences. I think it is incredibly valuable to highlight that individual stories are just as important as looking at statistics. Especially because of the fact that in this context, you feel as though being counted among the 'suicides prevented' statistic completely ignores the fact that not dying has not equated to feeling like you're in a place of recovery. 

 

This topic is such a tricky one, because it does have so very many shades of grey. I think that focusing on suicide prevention is an incredibly worthy cause because there are so many stories - my own included - that encompass a sense of relief and gratitude for never having been successful in suicide. 

 

However, I also acknowledge that it should perhaps only be the first step in a journey - it is as you say, it feels pointless to prevent suicide if we are not also focused on preventing suffering. Improving quality of life after a successful intervention is paramount to improvement of the mental well being of our society as a whole. 

 

I do believe that SANE is focused on this goal - we are in the midst of rolling out new services that provide an approach to care that is focused on the needs and goals of the individual, and includes a heavy focus on peer support and community building - things which I believe are fundamental in improving quality of life.

 

Alas, all change is gradual, and can be incredibly nuanced and multifaceted. Perhaps this article did not sit well with you because it undermines your personal experience, and that is okay! I think it is important to listen to the stories of individuals, and I'm grateful for you sharing yours. 

Re: My Response To "Why Do Targets Matter In Suicide Prevention?" (TW: Suicide)

Thank you, @Jynx .🙂 As I said, I can't speak for the entire community, and I know that there is a myriad of people, like yourself, who have a much more favorable view of suicide prevention, based on their own personal stories.

 

I speak out, not to contradict or suppress others who might be of differant views to me, but to highlight the fact that people like myself - the other side of the coin - do exist. It's something that I often feel the powers that be have a very limited awareness of, so I feel it's important to make ourselves known, so that better approaches can be considdered and executed. Diverse approaches that, hopefully, will service people like myself just as well as they serve people like yourself.

Re: My Response To "Why Do Targets Matter In Suicide Prevention?" (TW: Suicide)

Absolutely @chibam  - and I truly value your willingness to speak up for yourself, and for others who would resonate with what you're saying 💜

Re: My Response To "Why Do Targets Matter In Suicide Prevention?" (TW: Suicide)

@chibam I really appreciate your views here and also agree that often those in 'power' do not actually appreciate the stance of people like yourself. There is so much talk about reducing numbers and the tragedy of suicide but for those that continue to suffer so much what are the options? There are not the services available for so many nor the help with what is needed - and despite so much 'talk' about the importance/growing awareness of mental health - where are the solutions? We see on here every day so many that have to endure the agony/pain/anguish that goes along with their particular illness and also the inability/availability of services to help. For those fortunate enough to have a support network in place it can often still be weeks or months before they can get an appointment - what do you do in the meantime ...sit on your hands and watch the grass grow! 

 

Then for some like yourself you are put in the 'too hard basket' or blatantly told there is no hope for anything meaningful in your life! How can you expect someone to not then think of ending the anguish.

 

It is indeed a truth that those we leave behind will search for answers, wonder what they could have done, etc. - but should we continue to suffer just so others do not? Do those 'in power' have any idea of that suffering? They can say that there are resources/supports available ....but where are they? ...and moreover should we not have the right to choose? I have been in that position several times and although I am now very much in recovery, I can also say each time was a well considered and thought out process ...and I fully understand how suicide can feel like the best option to relieve that pain.

 

I don't believe we should be talking about reducing percentages but rather increasing services - and not just those that 'talk' to us but ones that provide outlets for individuals to feel worthy and connected. There is no point 'existing' unless we can find some joy and happiness in our lives because 'existing' is certainly not a 'success story"!

 

 

Re: My Response To "Why Do Targets Matter In Suicide Prevention?" (TW: Suicide)

I agree, @chibam . And you write so eloquently too.

 

But I am horrified by this:

 


@chibam wrote:

I reached a point in my therapy where my therapist suddenly decreed that there was no hope for me. Love, career fulfilment, meaningful relationships... none of it was in the cards for me; my life was a lost cause. In fact, she was the second therapist to tell me as much. 


This seems to me an absolute travesty, that you were told this by two separate therapists. It seems to me to be against what a therapist is for, and a massive abuse of their duty as health professionals (I am struggling to find the correct words for their appalling behaviour). It is tragic in its harmful effect, and I am so, so sorry this happened to you. 💔

 

Re: My Response To "Why Do Targets Matter In Suicide Prevention?" (TW: Suicide)

@chibam, I didn't read the article, I won't. I'm too disgusted by those who think that making enquires, reports etc. are providing a valid service. And it's all too distressing. It all 'sounds impressive', but they are just looking after themselves as far as I'm concerned. Others' lives are of little consequence to them, as long as they're alright. Prevent suicide? What about giving sufferers the will to not want it–to actually do their job and give us the will to live! To first undo our damage and show us each our path forward, otherwise they are all pretending they know what they are doing, and from what I've seen, they've all been given qualifications that enable them to do little other than experiment and invade our privacy for their own curiosity.

 

There are no consensuses of opinion on how to treat any particular psychological damage. Each case is unique and to consider them all the same–fitting within a 'category'–is to fail to identify each individual's unique experiences and situation. There is so much overlap of symptoms that it is nigh on impossible to clearly delineate one disorder from another–as Dr. Paula Caplan has long argued. It is no wonder people now come away with a 'long list of disorders'. So how can they fix anything if they are dealing with symptoms which belong to this 'category' on  one day, and another 'category' on another, or on several on another? Swings and roundabouts. It is not a skill to make a diagnosis. The skill lies in cure! How much cure is being effected? 

 

These are not a multiplicity of disorders, but a multiplicity of psychological injuries. And that's what they have to cure. Making questionable diagnoses does nothing to cure anything. 

 

In my recent studies, I read a story of a person who was pulling drowning people out of a fast flowing river and reviving them, until he ran off. When asked why he wasn't going to help, he replied that he was going upriver to see who was throwing the people in the river, to stop them.

 

That's my point in this saga. So called 'mental illness' doesn't just happen, it is caused. There are familial and personal experiences that leave us susceptible to psychological damage, in whatever form. Psychiatrists are supposed to undo the damage and strengthen us, so that we are able to identify and fight back against the forces that have injured us, and go on to prosper like everyone else. Otherwise it is all just a money making venture that enriches the few at the expense of the many. And, personally, I can't see that it is anything else. All I see is status quo and a lengthening line of sufferers.

 

At what point does everyone stop throwing us in the river?

 

I may delete this post if I feel that I am just saying the same thing over and over, to no avail. Perhaps it will be censored. I only speak the truth and express an opinion of broad observation and experience. And I wish my fellow sufferers well and a happy Sunday.

 

Re: My Response To "Why Do Targets Matter In Suicide Prevention?" (TW: Suicide)

Thank you, @Jynx , @Zoe7 , @NatureLover , @Historylover 🙂

 

@Zoe7What you say is spot on. I especially relate to this bit very well:


@Zoe7 wrote:

It is indeed a truth that those we leave behind will search for answers, wonder what they could have done, etc. - but should we continue to suffer just so others do not? Do those 'in power' have any idea of that suffering? They can say that there are resources/supports available ....but where are they? ...and moreover should we not have the right to choose? I have been in that position several times and although I am now very much in recovery, I can also say each time was a well considered and thought out process ...and I fully understand how suicide can feel like the best option to relieve that pain.


...well, except for the "being in recovery" part, of course.

 

I think we need to be cautious, though, in terms of talking about increasing services. That is yet another vague statistic, that IMHO doesn't really tell us much and can all too easily mislead us. After all, the therapists I saw were a "service" do we really want more of their sort plying their trade?

 

I've heard countless calls over they years to "increase services", and I've never been able to bring myself to throw my support behind any of these people/groups, because little if any of the accompanying proposals indicate any real interest in insuring that the influx of new workers will be good people. Educated and well-trained, certainly. But good people who are genuinely committed to helping their patients?

 

I've seen very little interest in screening out the monsters such as the ones I had to deal with. The only people who seem to be talking about that sort of caution are the patient activist groups like VMIAC, and sadly, much of what they say still seems to be falling on deaf ears. (Though, to be fair, the mainstream seems to be immensely more attentive to the perspective of patients then it was just a few years ago. I am often blown away by how far we've come in so short a time; my point is that we still aren't "home" yet.)

 

So, yeah, I'm all for increasing services. We just need to be doubly sure that we are only doing that by pouring good people into the workforce, and not deceptively inflating the statistics with an influx of rubbish and harmful therapists.

Re: My Response To "Why Do Targets Matter In Suicide Prevention?" (TW: Suicide)

Thank you, @NatureLover .🤗

 

That was among the worst of what I got from my therapists, but I could really write a book about the crap I got from those two. Matter of fact, when I made a report to the royal inquiry into the abuse of disabled people, my record of the stuff they did totalled 13½ pages.

 

I often wonder whether I was just especially unlucky, in that I struck two monsters in a row; or whether my experiance is much more reflective of the typical therapy journey then the mental health advocates want the world to know. The more I've spoken to fellow patients/former patients over the years, the more I've come to believe that my story is not so unique. TBH, I never quite know whether to take comfort in that or be sickened by it.

 

Therapists really do a number on you, that's for sure.

Re: My Response To "Why Do Targets Matter In Suicide Prevention?" (TW: Suicide)

Hi there @chibam ,


I'm so sorry to hear about some of the experiences you've had seeking help with therapists, it sounds like they were really negatively impactful and unhelpful experiences to say the least. I just wanted to jump into the discussion and share that while I know it can be really disheartening and frustrating as per your experience when you’re not finding a psychologist, Counsellor and/or psychiatrist helpful, each professional is different and we do encourage you and everyone to keep on reaching out, but perhaps try someone different. No two are the same – so it might take you a few goes to find someone you connect with or find very helpful, but it can absoutely be worth it.

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