Running

[avant-garde]

@AuntGlow 

I have my Bible, it's really beautiful, my dotted notebook where I take notes on one side and draw on the other, they hopefully have hot chocolate, it's a comfort thing and cushions on their couches that I can cling onto. I'll have my necklace, my priceless coin and my fidget ring at least. 

I'll sit somewhere I can clearly see the exit. 

I'll get there slightly early so I can breathe and pray in my car, like I do for church. 

May take my mini calm kit in as well, it fits in my handbag

[AuntGlow]

These sound like really soothing and comforting strategies to help ground you. @avant-garde 

How did it go? 💛

[avant-garde]

@AuntGlow 

The study itself was actually fine, it was a new environment and I was a bit scared and quiet, but the sermons I listened to definitely helped. 

It was after the prayer though when one of the others compared her being 18 when she got her licence because her dad was sick, and although I feel for her because that can't have been easy, I felt deeply invalidated that my experience was dismissed so easily.

This might help with understanding

I've written about the unseen consequences of trauma and abuse and it's certainly not easy and quite painful if I'm honest

[avant-garde]

@tyme 

I found out today that I need surgery

[tyme]

I'm making space here for you if you want to talk about it @avant-garde 

Hugs

[avant-garde]

@tyme 

I'm scared... every surgery I've had was while I was still living with my parents... when my sedated state was a significant benefit... there's not one surgery that I've had on my own...

It's a minor surgery but the mental repercussions will be huge

[tyme]

Hey @avant-garde ,

I'm hearing the stress behind this upcoming surgery. I know in the past, you've had someone around with you. Is this an option?

Can you think of things you can do pre and post surgery to help you work through some of these challenging emotions?

I'm hearing there is a lot of trauma connected to surgeries.

[avant-garde]

@tyme 

I will naturally plan... that's not what I need right now... I need someone to hear and validate how I'm feeling right now... the feelings tend to get worse if I go straight into planning/coping mode

[tyme]

Absolutely @avant-garde . It's the 'rest and digest' before you can plan mode?

I'm hearing that this brings up so many emotions for you. 

Feel free to tell me more about how you are feeling.

[avant-garde]

@tyme 

Yeah, I like that "rest and digest"

I was alone for the appointment, after the appointment I went and cried in the chapel...

It's surgery and my church... I love them... but they suck at supporting me... and I feel like I'm going to have no one... again...

It's that immense fear of being alone and the inability to take care of me... I'm going to have to trust this surgeon and trust the nurses and anaesthetist and I'm going to have to take care of all the triggers that will hit and I don't trust that easy!