Lived Experience Forum

[maddison]

Hey @Appleblossom 

Oh dear, not the dreaded lergy. Thankfully it seems to be mild for you if it is covid. Stay warm! I haven't had it, that I know of.

Yes, when I was younger there was really only super woman, or is it wonder women that were out superheros. I remember seeing The Last Kiss Goodnight - now I can't remember her name! But I love her, the male actor is Morgan Freeman I think. Anyway, that was my introduction into female action Heroes. I thought it was brilliant. Thank goodness times have changed & now females (& all minorities for that matter) are becoming much more mainstream. There are some things, as a society, where we can be thankful that we have progressed. Much better for the young girls growing up today.

I'm thrilled you appreciate my phrase..haha.. Sometimes I like to really think about what I mean when writing& that one happened to rhyme! I will have to use it - total permission to use it too.

@EternalFlower how are you? 

Your advice on coping with fear was excellent, thankyou. I wasn't brave enough to try the water on head idea. I ended up being present with my emotion - I hadn't read your message yet.

It was difficult & lasted a while, maybe an hour. Eventually my body let it go. I was a little shocked, as it actually felt like it disappeared completely & the time was maybe slightly shorter than usual. I don't know if it means anything, however, I wanted to acknowledge it, rather than overlook as I would usually do. Small victories! 

Reading your advice later on, was a kind of confirmation to me. Thankyou!

I looked up Kathleen Rose Perkins. Yes, she is minor role. Her character is one of the most interesting on the show. She plays straight person, however there are possibly quite subtle clues that there may be more to her than meets the eye. She might end up being one of the 'revolutionaries' or maybe even the head person. Which basically means you have solved the whole show for me & I'm way ahead of other viewers now. Haha.

Part of the premise thus far, is the search for an elusive radical called Geronimo. Now I'm thinking that she might be him. It is on tonight Viceland 11.55pm. I also haven't seen the aliens yet.

Laura Dern is a powerful actress. I enjoyed Enlightened series, & her movie The Tale.

Kind regards,

maddison 

[EternalFlower]

Hey @Appleblossom @maddison 

Hope ur feeling OK @Appleblossom. How are u? Take care of urself. That's good Ur body can process it and it's mild-ish.

I think there has been a great rewrite of female characters as just supportive background plot devices. There are a lot more complex characters on screen.

@maddison I'm watching enlightened, can't believe u have seen it. She's amazing. How have u been? I am glad the message was affirming. 

I know that actress Kathleen from another show, and I think she was going to be a lead in a TV show I ended up watching, but she dropped out, and was replaced by Christina Hendricks. It sounds really compelling and cool, i hope u enjoy!!

I hope I get a new cm soon.  It hasn't been good having an always absent cm. I had goals and needs but I'd reach out, cm would make false promises, lie, and then be strategically on personal leave. I'd have a peer worker come with me to meet CM but I am a bit hurt, I feel she wanted to keep status quo. (Peer worker I mean)She'd tell me I didn't need CM and was doing amazing without her and to just use my own inner strength to meet my goals, which is how I got through, just working around CM. However, I missed out on any support really over than time and fell into crises a lot. I think peer worker was a  it enabling.

I took a break from seeing peer worker and with my friends helping me was able to stand up and request new CM. Will be interesting who I get!! Hope to know more this week.

[EternalFlower]

Hi @TAB thanks for understanding me

That dreaded hobby word....mine are very loose, like "nature" and "reading"...

But I did succeed today in at least spending time outdoors.I got the park and try and suck up some nature...

I am struggling a lot with the cold

How is Ur space heating up?

[TAB]

I don't really have any hobbies @EternalFlower 

I remember being on a (voluntary back then) course on the dole and we were asked about hobbies.

one person who really looked disabled said watching tv and they pulled that apart. Prob all I do. Anyway they were put on a work experience placement thing. They were told to stop 🛑 a belt linisher ie an electric motor driving a sandpaper belt . 
they went to put their hand on it to stop it. 
so I think they might have been on pension not long after that ok was late 80s not like now where you need a team lead by a lawyer and to be born overseas re getting dsp 

yes, space is warm enough. Thanks. Hope you are Okay 

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Eve7 I don't get pleasure from much ATM

But I like painting my nails as a ritual, and I like reading. I used to love writing, as well,

[Freedom11]

Hey your not alone . I fully understand when you say you feel like your spiralling as I get this nearly every day.

[TAB]

Hi @Freedom11  if you type '@'  others screen names come up , so theres a lot more chance of a reply. You can also subscribe to threads so you get notifications when there is new activity. Box top left think. There is also an 'introduce yourself' thingo is interested. 
@maddison @Shaz51 

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Freedom11 how are u going? Can u tell me any more about what's going on for u, happy to meet ppl here who share my experience ❤ 

Hi @TAB how are u??

Hi @Appleblossom @Eve7 @maddison @tyme 

Today I officially got a new case manager, a male this time.

I feel I did well and asked for my needs without getting too intense and personal

It was, though quite scary and hard and has probably done a bit of damage to my mh going through this process.

I think sometimes ppl misunderstand how much I can cope with.

I should feel really happy but during this process I basically stopped eating and sleeping

I subsited only on a bit of chocolate and I think I now have a tooth ache which I'm very worried about

I'm sitting here on various painkillers trying to feel relief, but it isn't coming.

Ppl always say sometimes a fight isn't worth it, if it costs you health or well-being,  eg, pick Ur battles.

Hard lesson but I think it's true.

[TAB]

Try and get some sort of routine back @EternalFlower ? You'll feel better. Yes you did the right thing, no point in suffering for it. Im okay ish been pouring down here since Monday. Ive been stuck inside mostly. I applied for a job other day. It took hours. Had to update my resume which took luck as it was created like 12 years ago and been edited to death. So lots formatting problems if try to change it too much. Anyway rain is supposed to slow down soon. Get some healthy food and sleep if you can . Take care

[Freedom11]

@EternalFlower. Hi. Today is a good day. I have been through years of trauma both sexualy and mental from the age of 8. Every day of my life has been a struggle. I've been admitted to hospital for attempted suicide. I feel I'm not a good mum and my child is better off with out me. I have really low self esteem and struggle being around people. I feel most days i am a complete fuck up and a screw up. I feel like no one will ever accept me as me cause of my mental issues. Because of the child sexual abuse from my father and the local priest and quiet a few of the local old men I was subjected to, i find just a simple things as a word, a sound  a sight anything can trigger me off. The hardest part is i just dont know what or when that it is going to hit me and how hard. (Like the other week a so called friend called me a GOOD GIRL and that sent me spiriling out of control).  This was because my dad who abused me for years use to call me that so it brought back all the memories and pain like a tsunami, and i had not control. I'm am always trying to work out what is a good normal for me so that maybe one day I can be happy. 

I know there is people out there that have had it worse off that me and are still going through more than I could ever fathom,  but in saying that my feelings and pain still have the same justification as everyone else I believe. 

Even though I have my really bad days. Like 3 days ago a simple thing as my daughter went out with my friend and didnt say bye to me before leaving i completely lost it mentally and packed some clothes in my car and was running so that the world couldnt find me. Some days i want my friends and family and daughter to acknowledge me and other days i dont want to see or know anyone and i isolate in my room.

I'm trying to grow my network of support people to help me get through.  I'm always here to listen and to be a shoulder to cry on if you need to vent. I have spend most of my 40 years of my life suffering through unnecessary and unwanted sexual abuse. Two exs with dvo orders and the death of my own  daughter. I just want to be happy and to gind a normal yhat works for me. This world has enough pain and sorrow in it already I don't wish to add anymore. It truly breaks my heart to read on here how many people suggle. The one thing I'm trying to learn is that it's not my job to take on the blame for these nasty people who choose to do harm to others. I never asked to be put through this trauma and it not my fault. I'm slowing with the loving support of this amazing group and yourself and other friends that it's not my fault and there is nothing wrong with me.