Wombat2

Hi guys

i was a volunteer for CFA for approximately 17 years  and 3 with SES and over that time attended many of the campaign fires along with smaller fires and motor vehicle accidents. When I can home, my wife was my debrief person. Without knowing it she was the recipient of my mind. Be it a good or bad outcome. It came to a head when I was sitting on the couch and burst into tears and said I need help. Typical tough guy, I did not believe it until then and too proud to ask for help. I was tough and I could handle things. How wrong I was. I did not want to go through the chaplain or want anyone from CFA to know I was “weak”. It took four tries to find someone who under stood me and who I felt comfortable talking with without condemnation. Slowly we started unpacking my head. Started with weekly visits, to once a fortnight and now monthly. I had had my share of ending it all. He has got me to understand what has been going on and helped me to confront it. If not for him and a patient wife I would not be hear at all. Help is out there, you just have to look for the right person and understand that you will not be ridiculed for your feelings. It is masculine to cry. At first I did not understand my hat I was suffering fro PTSD. Looking back, what I have seen/done was more than my brain could not handle. After 12 years we are still unpacking and I still need help. Be tough and ask for help. It may or not be from the service but just know that there are people that understand and can help. You just need to look. 
Look at me waffling on. Sorry it is so long,I obviously still need that help. Hope this helps someone.