Single Mother - not sure how to support

Hey @ForTheGirls 

I want to take the time to acknowledge how incredibly well you and your family are handling a very frightening and chaotic situation. Securing a safe, temporary arrangement for her children and ensuring she has someone with her to manage basic needs are massive wins 💚

Navigating a loved one's mania, especially when it involves a tight feedback loop with technology like AI and a rejection of constructive feedback, is exhausting. When someone is in a high-energy manic phase, their brain is firing on all cylinders, and direct confrontation or "reality checking" often feels like an attack, driving them further into the episode.

Right now, trying to get her to see reason, stop using AI, or admit she is manic will not work. The focus now should be on de-escalation and harm reduction. So when she bombards you with AI content, don't argue its validity or tell her it's too much. Acknowledge the energy behind it without feeding the delusion or mania. Instead of saying, "This doesn't make sense, you need to stop sending these," try saying something like ", Wow, you’ve been incredibly busy creating things today. It looks like you've got a ton of energy. Let’s make sure you take a breather and drink some water."

Since your primary concern is her housing and financial stability being shattered, look into practical damage control that doesn't require her permission, if possible, or can be done with minimal friction. If she has a trusted person with co-signing rights or if she is open to it in a quieter moment, see if large financial accounts can be temporarily locked or monitored to prevent manic spending.

Even if she won't go to the doctor, you can contact them. Call her GP or psychiatrist. While privacy laws might prevent them from giving you information, you can still give them information. Let them know she has abruptly discontinued her medication and is showing severe manic symptoms. They need this in her file for when the crash happens.

The cycle you noticed is a vital clue. When she comes down from this, and she will, that is your window for intervention. When she is well, she will likely feel remorse or fear about what happened. When she is stable and clear-headed, sit down with her. Express your love and your desire to protect her hard work. Create a written agreement in which she grants specific family members permission to step in, manage her finances, or contact her doctors the moment specific "early warning signs" appear.

It's completely understandable to fear stigmatising labels, but getting an accurate diagnosis is so important. I would frame a proper assessment to her not as "there is something wrong with you," but as "let’s get the right roadmap so you don't have to keep going through this every few years."

And when she transitions back into the primary caregiver role, do it slowly. The pre-teens are old enough to understand something is wrong, but young enough to need stability. Professional family counselling can help them process the disruption without absorbing blame.

You are doing an incredible job. Please ensure that the family members holding the line right now are rotating shifts and taking care of their own mental health. You cannot pour from an empty cup! 💚

Hi @ForTheGirls Welcome to the Forums 😊

It sounds like you're carrying a lot of concern for your family member, and I can hear how difficult it is to watch someone you care about go through periods where their behaviour and wellbeing seem to change so significantly.

From what you've shared, it seems like you've already taken some thoughtful steps by ensuring the children are cared for and that she has someone with her. Those supports can make a real difference.

While it's understandable to wonder about possible diagnoses, it may be most helpful to focus on the changes you're observing and any impacts on her wellbeing, rather than trying to determine exactly what is causing them. If she is connected with a GP, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional, encouraging her to seek support from them may be an important step when she is able to engage.

For family members and loved ones, it can also be helpful to think about what support you need during this time. Caring about someone who is struggling can be emotionally exhausting, particularly when they are not in a place to hear concerns or feedback.

I'm glad you've reached out here. Has your family member had any professional support in the past during these previous periods of mania and depression?

It sounds like you've all put a lot of thought into how to support her while also respecting her independence, which can't be easy when you're watching someone you care about go through something like this.

It's good to hear there are some safeguards in place around things like rent. When you're worried about someone's wellbeing and stability, having those practical supports can offer at least a little bit of reassurance.

I can also imagine it gets tricky when different family members (and the children's fathers) have different ideas about what support should look like. Often everyone is trying to help, but it can be hard to know what the "right" thing to do is in the moment.

I really like your idea of a more thorough action plan. If she's ever in a place where she's feeling more settled, it could be helpful to have something in place around early warning signs, what has helped in the past, who she would want involved, and any practical things that help keep life on track during these periods.

It sounds like you're all doing your best to support both her and the children through a really challenging situation @ForTheGirls 💜

Gday 

what a caring supportive message. 

May I add that in Western Australia, there’s a 24/7 psych phone line called 

hi @ForTheGirls 

@how are you ? I looked Victoria and it does say exactly what you just written 

however …..🍀💕😊

do you know what this is ? I don’t know if can help ??? 

Thanks for the check-in!  We're still waiting for this manic episode to pass (and it seems like we may have to wait a few weeks perhaps).  However, I thought I'd give a quick update in case anyone in the future is reading this.

For far, we've managed to get some information about her prescriptions and medical professionals (definitely worthwhile having this recorded in one place in the future)!  Besides this, I've set up a few hubs on socials so that family and loved ones can be updated in one place.  We've also tried to look back at recent communications to get a clear timeline.

Her GP has suggested that I call the regional Mental Health Triage service hotline for advice.  I'm sure the relevant numbers might be in the support directory posted above, but this website also seems to have key numbers for Victoria in an accessible format: https://www.bcsws.com.au/contact .  It's good to understand that there are service options before we get to emergency level!

I appreciate all of the supportive messages so far! 💓

@ForTheGirls i'm in vic 🙂

have you tried the public mental health system?

Re mania - /bipolar pardon my ignorance, but would that fit the bill as it is only happening every 5 years?

I thought perhaps (i could be very wrong) bipolar was more frequent ups and downs/mania/depression

U acn call the local hospital adn they can come out to see her (public) altough i guess you guys would need to know if she'd be into it. They helped me.

They have in VIC Hope programs for ppl who are suciidal which provides 3 months of care, that helped me. Just sharing that sometimes things seem  kinda ok because the person isn't at risk to themselves or others in a visible way, but if they're at risk of deterioration, or its just a precarious situation, this can still be a valid reason to seek psych interventions.

Psych hospitals can be rough depending on where ur located, so might be worth enquiring what the one in your area is like, as in Vic, public mental health treatment is zoned. 

I no real advice for you

But really wanted to say that you've done it tough yourself. 

So please seek and take on support for yourself and your family . You can't do this alone 

@EternalFlower @ForTheGirls @PeppyPatti @Nala2022 @MatchaToad