How to live life after

[LeighO]

@Hazelsmemory  You poor thing. That sounds so lonely for you.

My ex husband has told my 20yo that he believes Miss 17 is just “going through a phase” and that it is my fault this has happened. She will just come back one day and all will be good in his opinion. He has no concerns for her at all and accepts no responsibility at all. Whereas all I do is wonder what I could have done better, how did I fail her and how much of this is my fault. 

I hope she is happy. But I know mental health help ended for her so I believe she is probably around people that just believe this narrative that she is from a violent home and are all just enabling her. She’s probably fine right now but it won’t be able to last and one day it will come toppling down and she won’t have had the mental health treatment she needed and all medical people said was vital for her and then I’m really scared for her and what might happen. When she was here she told therapists that she wanted to stab me to death and the only reason she didn’t was because “I don’t want the consequences”. I slept with my bedroom door locked so that if she ever came for me at night I would at least have time to defend myself as I would wake up from her breaking in to my room. She hurt herself with scissors down her arms and had both homicidal and suicidal ideation. 

[tyme]

Dear @LeighO @Hazelsmemory ,

I'm so sorry to hear how difficult life has been for you.

I am not a mother, but I am a daughter. A daughter who has had mental health issues from an early age. 

So much so, I engaged in many self-harm acts, and my mind was constantly wanting to suicide. I hurt people.. why? because i was hurting.

I left home. Why? Because I wanted to get away from everything.

I didn't speak to my parents for years. Why? I needed to get away.

How did it end? After years, I realised that I could not longer blame anyone for my own actions. I couldn't say I self-harmed because 'someone made me angry'. By moving away, it gave me time to realise I could not run away from myself. I WAS THE PROBLEM.

If I stay in touch with my family, I would always blame them.

Now?

I don't live with my parents, but I do reach out to them. I have become a new person because of my experiences. I respect my parents and appreciate them for everything they have had to endure.

To you: I encourage you to cling onto hope. It is hope that keeps us going. It took nearly 20 years for me to return to my family. Yet I don't regret it. I've been through the school of hard knocks.

[LeighO]

@tyme Thank you do much for your perspective from another side. I will always live in hope of a reconciliation one day. And one day I hope I can forgive myself too. 

[tyme]

I can't only imagine how much stress I gave my family in cutting them off without a reason, getting involved with police, going to hospital.... @LeighO @Hazelsmemory . Hence I can speak from the 'other side'.

Continue to hang in there.

Whatever you do, they will never forget your love.