Conversation skills…socialising when depressed

[bluegum]

Hi all, 

Hope you’re finding some peace this Sunday. 

I’m hoping for some new ideas on the following…

so I’m in a fairly bad depression at the moment, struggling to gain momentum to move forward. 

As I know isolating myself is not helpful I go to most ‘events’ that come up but it is so painful. I struggle to add to the conversation, I’m not doing much and find it difficult to elaborate or put a positive spin on things.

I’m wondering if anyone experiences the same challenges and also if anyone has any suggestions, ideas 

I wish there was some kind of conversation skills practice I could attend - specifically for when you’re struggling.

 I also get a socially anxious when not depressed and it has a big effect on my relationships. 

love to know your thoughts

[tyme]

Hey @bluegum ,

I can certainly relate. For me, when I was down, I was down for over 10 years. I hid most of the time and isolated myself. Hence, my conversation and social skills were incredibly poor.

You know what my answer was? Believe it or not, it was on these forums. These forums allowed me to practice my social skills. I could sort of gauge how my skills were progressing my people's reactions on the forums.

I also find writing easier than speaking, so the forums was definitely a good start for me.

Not sure it that would help you.

tyme

[tyme]

My other source of support to practice these skills when I was struggling was in group therapy. @bluegum . Each week, I attended group therapy. The facilitators were great indeed. They sort of supported me to talk even when I didn't feel like it.

[bluegum]

Thanks @tyme 10 years is a long time, I really feel for you. 

Did writing help your in person interactions as well? 

How did you get involved in group therapy? I’ve searched for support groups in my area and there doesn’t seem to be much around. 

thanks again!

[tyme]

100% @bluegum  - by writing my thoughts, I was actually practicing what I could say to people in public. With written text, it can be re-read, edited and deleted. But you can't do that with spoken communication. So yes, these forums were a Godsend.

As for group therapy, my main group therapy was Mentalization-based therapy. The therapy in itself lasted minimum 18 months with 1 individual and 1 group session a week. Each group session was faciliated by 2 clinicians and the max number in the group was 8 (I don't think we ever had 8 people in a group). It was the same people each time attending. This treatment was for my BPD, and it was through Spectrum (VIC).

Since then, I have also engaged in Mindfulness group therapy, Sleep Hygiene group therapy and group therapy in Prevention and Recovery Centres. Some of these were online and were conducted through my local university's Psychology centre. It is free of charge as it is run by provisional psychologists as part of their studies. They are supervised by a head clinician though.

Another group therapy source is in private hospitals. I'm not sure which state you are located, but some private mental health hospitals run day programs which private health may cover. So you go in each day/week and engage in a group program.

If you didn't know, medicare subsides 10 psych sessions a year, and on top of that, they subsidise 10 group sessions a year (the group sessions is what many don't know about).

[tyme]

Here is an example of group day programs I just found. But it's Melb-based @bluegum : 

https://themelbourneclinic.com.au/services/day-programs

[Valiant83]

Hi @bluegum - totally relate the feeling of not having anything to contribute to a conversation! 

My solution, years ago, was to only ever ask questions of other people, as long as they were talking we were doing fine👍🏼:ok_hand: I didn’t really have anything to talk about and my life was in that too bad, so sad space!

Then about four years ago when my depression was quite debilitating, as soon as I woke up in the morning, I would watch comedy skits on Facebook and sometime YouTube so I could actually start the day with a laugh! Not long stand up routines, just the edited versions or small snippets from the longer routines.

What I discovered was 1) I started to feel better by having a laugh at the beginning of day … is it endorphins or serotonin that gets produced when you’re laughing?? 🤣 And then 2) I practiced telling anecdotes about myself at home, using the same rhythm I was seeing the professionals doing … you know, set up a situation, and some detail, and then boom deliver the punchline. I’m no comic by any means but I now find I can ‘tell’ a funny story … at the appropriate time of course, I’m not a try-hard who just drops jokes into the conversation to hog the attention!! 

Anyway, another thing that happened because I was watching reels and going down various rabbit holes, I ended up watching and listening to loads of interviews, ABC has a whole suite of them to choose from, and then found the TV show, 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown on Viceland. This really helped me understand how to keep a conversation moving, and keep up with the topic being discussed. It also gave me perspectives about these topics that I hadn’t thought about which added to the ability to ask good questions in awkward situations i.e. when you first meet someone 😏 and the shyness takes a hold.

These days, I’ve been watching the series Goggle Box … started with Season 1, midway through Season 3 … it’s hilarious and just what I need at the end if the day … frivolous, silliness, that hurts no-one!

So, for what it’s worth, I think watching others and practicing at home is really okay until talking starts to feel a bit more natural 😊

Have fun 🤪

[tyme]

Laughter is the best medicine, eh? @Valiant83  Love your strategies!

[bluegum]

Thanks for all the ideas and information @tyme & @Valiant83 

sounds like you’ve both done a tonne of work. 

It’s good to know I’m not alone. 

have a great day today!

[tyme]

Hi @bluegum ,

How are you today?

I look forward to hearing from you.