Help and Advice

[Former-Member]

How can you tell if your relationship is over or not when your partner who has schizophrenia breaks up with you in the middle of an episode?  

Am I right to hold on, hoping he will come back or am I being foolish? 

[amber22]

Good morning @Former-Member  ❤️

That must be very confusing for you, I'm sorry that this has happened.

I think that the best thing to do is to let each other have some space for a little while, and to let this situation calm down a bit. Then maybe revisit what happened (if it is amicable to do so!) and have a conversation once things have settled. 

I know it can be very hard as you just want answers now, and it must all be very confusing, but sometimes leaving a bit of space for things to settle down and then revisiting the situation with a fresher mind can make things a lot more clear. 

Wishing you all the best, 
Amber22

[Former-Member]

@amber22 

Thanks. I am giving him space - he's given me no choice - added to that the shelter won't let me near him nor deliver my mail to him. I've just had to bus it miles out of the city to collect a missent letter just letting him know I now have a house he is always welcome at. It's cost a fortune but I have to at least let him know he has the option.

Still you are right I am VERY confused and frightened he won't come back. I'm afraid if I don't do something (what that is I don't know) that it will be too late. I feel that waiting is the wrong thing to do but I am anyway because I have no choice.

Men are notorious for not being able to tell how they feel it is double fold if that man don't know himself!

I can't tell if what I'm doing is right or wrong and it hurts like hellfire to not know if he is okay. I also question what we did have and feel nieive for my hope that it may be strong enough to withstand all that stands between us. I question everything I ever did or said and feel I am to blame. 

I hate how everyone acts likes it was nothing and I can't say anymore whether or not that it- that I - wasn't just that to him. Nothing.

I'm alone and terrified. 

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @Former-Member,

I'm sorry you are going through this. It must be so difficult for you - I can read the pain and frustration in your post. 

It sounds like your hands are tied in that he has made these decisions and you don't seem to have a say in how the relationship goes. I guess all you can do is let him know you are there for him (if that's what you want to do) and after that it is out of your control in terms of how he proceeds. Maybe he needs his own time to sort things out for himself before he can be in a healthy relationship with someone else?

I'm concerned when you say you are alone and terrified. Do you have someone to talk to that you trust and who is supportive of you? It sounds like you need a support person of your own to sit alongside you in a non-judgemental way.  

Please keep posting and take care. The forums are always here if you want to chat.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

[amber22]

Hi again @Former-Member ❤️

That does sound very conflicting and very confusing for you indeed. It is such a tough spot for you to be in, but I just want you to know that not knowing what to do is totally okay. Sometimes it is better to step back from the situation and let it unfold as it naturally will. Although this can be agitating, understanding that some things are out of our control can also be quite relieving. 

I think its really admirable for you to try and reach out to the shelter, or even send letters or notes, but as they are not being delivered and you aren't being allowed to contact within the shelter, it might be better to give the situation space knowing that you have done everything that you can at this point. 

Try and focus and healing yourself and working with self care to try and bring your spirits up a bit after this tough situation. You have done the best that you could do, and its totally fine to not know what to do next. 

All the best,

Amber22

[Former-Member]

@FloatingFeather 

Nope still no one and I've been deeply let down by most help places too.

@amber22 

Thank you for your empathy.

I never thought I'd feel this way and although loving someone and constantly not knowing if they are OK is torture I do want to keep a hold of the positive part of it. 

I love him and at one point he loved me. At least that's what his words and actions suggested. 

That and a truck load of worry and insecurities is all I have. I don't know if time is what he wants and until I hear it from him all I can do is try and let him know where I stand and then let him decide. 

I got nothing else. I can't live in the fear he'll just disappear. I can't have meant that little to him. That makes no sense with everything we went through. 

[amber22]

@Former-Member I completely understand where you are coming from.

It does seem like a very distressing situation for you in terms of not knowing what is going on (mixed in with love can be very confronting) so please make sure you are reaching out to any help that you may need.

I am very grateful that you've written on the forums and let us know how you're feeling ❤️

Remember that you can only do the best that you can, and that situations that are out of your control can sometimes be the trickiest! You're doing really well with the circumstances that you're in. Is there someone you could reach out to that you're close with to have a debrief about this?

Amber22

[Former-Member]

@amber22 

No I have no one. 

[amber22]

@Former-Member 

Sitting with you and you have all of us on the forums today! 

There is also our SANE counselling service that you can contact for some further support.

❤️

[Rockdog]

Always hold onto hope. When things are meant to be they will happen. Mostly listen to your heart, and the feelings you get. I know it is easy to doubt yourself, I live there and it is hard.Take a bit of time and things will work out.