Lived Experience Forum

[Jlol]

My girlfriend doesn't really understand my mental health and depression. She gets stressed about it and sometimes she even gets angry. Thus, for better or worse, I try to hide most of it from her. 

However, my mental state has gotten so bad that my GP has advised I may need to spend some time in hospital. I'm a little worried about this, but not as worried as telling my girlfriend.

I am worried she will be furious and angry at me, or at the least very stressed out and blame me for it.

Would anyone be able to help me with how I could approach this with her?

[Appleblossom]

@Jlol 

Tbh she sounds very immature, if she cannot take it seriously enough to even try and be supportive.  I do not really know her or you, but working on respect, adulting and healthy boundaries might be important.  I am more interested in saying the right thing by both of you than feeling I have to avoid her having a tantrum if that is truly the possibility.  We all have to grow up and face adult realities even in romantic relationships. Sometimes we feel so needy for a significant other we get confused about how much to lean on each other.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[EmpoweredPath]

@Jlol I agree with @Appleblossom .

If your GP has advised that you may need to spend some time in hospital then let her know that it is something you need to work on and that she should be respectful of your challenges. No need to hide anything. Tell her straight up that you are working on your self at this moment and that you need her to be supportive. If she is not understanding make it clear this is something you need to take upon yourself as it is important moving forward for both of you. 

You need to build your relationship based on respect. If you are afraid and worried about how furious and angry she will get then you don't respect your self enough.  

[Owlunar]

I have to agree with @Appleblossom  - @Jlol 

Eventually we all have to grow up and accept that life is far from ideal - there are difficult parts everywhere.

I'd like to be supportive of your present decision/need to be in hospital - most of us have been there for a variety of reasons - including MH problems.

Let's hope your girlfriend can be reasonable - otherwise - um - it's up to you. I think it might be very much her problem - don't let it add to yours

Owlunar

[Jlol]

> Tell her straight up that you are working on your self at this moment and that you need her to be supportive.

She will say no. When I was trying different types of medication she hated the idea. I had a frank conversation with her that I felt I needed to at least try medication and could I ask for her support. She said bluntly no. Knowing her, it will be the same reply.

[Spring1983]

Hi @Jlol

It sounds like you need to put your health first right now. If your girlfriend reacts negatively to your news about going to hospital, well that's on her.

Still, you can invite her to be involved in the process by attending appointments with you. Ask her to support your stay in hospital by visiting and staying in touch. You could also ask if she's open to updates during your stay.

In the longer term you could talk with her and ask why she thinks she reacts the way she does to your mental health issues. If she's not able or willing to work through this with you, you may think about revaluating the relationship.

Good luck with whatever you decide about the hospital stay. I hope you're feeling better soon.

Spring1983

[EmpoweredPath]

@Jlol 

I completely agree with @Spring1983's comment. If someone is not receptive to your health needs, you don't need their approval or validation. Instead, focus on taking care of your health and getting the necessary treatment right now. Any further discussion or conversation can happen at a later time, when you're feeling more comfortable and ready to talk. Remember that your health and well-being are the top priority.

[Owlunar]

Hi again @Jlol 

People have offered good suggestions here - I hope your girlfriend can take some interest in you and not just herself.

Maybe things will improve - long-term - I'm not so sure. Perhaps this relationship is not going to work out - which sounds a pity - it seems to me you are a caring person who is putting her feelings ahead of your own needs - which is admirable.

However - you really need to think of yourself - there is no need to reject her - I am not suggesting that at all - try and keep her in the loop - and let her know you need to try medication and/or hospital for your own wellbeing.

It really sounds as if she is making things harder for you - I wish both of you the best - I really hope it works out.

The people here are very supportive - we won't let you down - try and reason with your girlfriend - but first - take you of yourself

Lots of good thoughts

Owlunar

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Spring1983 

Owlunar

[Delicatessen]

Whenever I’ve re-emerged from an episode, I feel terribly bad about how things must have been for them

I was very sick once. My beautiful housemate advised me afterwards that there were two really tough things for him

- he didn’t know enough about my illness to help him identify that something was actually wrong in terms of my mental illness

- he had absolutely no idea of what he could do to help me (and believe me he wanted to)

His overall message to me was that he felt frustrated and very helpless. It turned out that communicating was key. And it’s important to remember that the situation in really difficult for them too. They might need a hug afterwards. Let them help you!