Not working - how do you spend your time?

[bluegum]

Hi everyone, 

I hit a real low about 8 weeks ago.
I’ve been trying to avoid the pain by a combination of sleep, podcasts, TV and books - anything that doesn’t allow room for thinking… including things that I should be doing such as exercising. 

I haven’t worked for about 2 years due to mental health challenges (bipolar and anxiety) and before that have a work-life littered with stops and starts due to same. 

My question is are there other people who aren’t working and aren’t actively looking for work at the moment and if so how do you structure your day. What sort of things do you do? 

Also when I am severely depressed my social anxiety peaks. How do people stay in social contact when depressed, anxious - I have very little to talk about with people.

Any tips would be greatly appreciated. 

best to you all

[fluffylight]

Hi and welcome @bluegum 🙂
Great to have you with us on the forums! I'm sorry to hear things are tough.

I know that I struggle with structure and making connections with other people due to my social anxiety especially when I am feeling down. I acknowledge this can be a bit of struggle.

As to answer your question I wondered if you would be interested in joining "Topic Tuesday" that SANE runs each month on our online mental health forums. You can find out more about it on this link: https://saneforums.org/t5/Special-Events/How-To-Guide-Topic-Tuesday/m-p/1030614/highlight/true#M1081...

I wonder if this would be a start to making social contact! Also SANE forums can get very social and we welcome you even if its for a little chat 🙂

Sending lots of light
fluffylight x

[Krishna]

Hi @bluegum in a very similiar situation not working or actively looking due to mental health reasons and often have too much time on my hands leading to very long drawn out days especially when my depression spikes. I also live in a very small rural community so not much happening around the place to keep occupied. I do force myself to walk each day and other days ride my bike. I try to keep busy with my garden and housework but sometimes it’s best just to sit and do some meditation, to rest, to heal and be calm. This way you stop running and struggling and simply be and that’s ok. 

[bluegum]

Thanks @fluffylight  I will check out Topic Tuesday. I’ve never been on forums as a way of keeping social. 
I appreciate your thoughtful response

[bluegum]

Thanks @Krishna, it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Much appreciated x

[Dimity]

Hello @bluegum @Krishna @fluffylight I also struggle. My mh challenges and work history are similar to how you've described yours @bluegum but I succumbed to unplanned early retirement. I'm now pushing myself to do more in house and garden and I walk every day. I need to rediscover interests and connect with community but vision impairment limits my options - I don't drive. I take a keen interest in current affairs and occasionally lobby local state and federal representatives. My downfall is wasting time doomscrolling. Most of my interactions are text-based, which isn't necessarily bad in itself as my brain and reactions are slow, but I miss human contact and conversation. 

[Appleblossom]

Hello @bluegum 

Love your name. Love a bluegum.

I am a bit like @Krishna focussing on house and garden, and @Dimity in early retirement.

I have not structured my days much and let it be pretty free form but I try and structure my week and month.  

Sane forum has been helpful for me to learn to socialise again.  Even being able to say, 'a friend online, said yadayada ...' without divulging the mental health aspect has helped when socialisng generally.  But mainly just getting to know the range of people on here and being able to do it as needed.

[nervouswreck]

@bluegum I’m also not working at the moment, I resigned from a job that was bad for me and taking a mental health break for little while before starting to look.

In my case “not working” is not sustainable financially but this is the second time recently that I’ve been unemployed so it’s a bit less scary in some ways. I know I have some personal work to do on my mental health and it’s important to sort that out rather than rush into another role.

Somehow I’ve kept the anxiety at bay by having a medium/long term plan and giving myself the space in the short term to improve my mental health and do what makes me happy (pleasure and happiness are different, happiness includes a feeling of fulfilment).  

I have no end of “projects” that usually get procrastinated for ages and ages due to lack of energy/motivation (and mild depression).  Looking at unfinished projects (or thinking about un-started ones) makes me feel worse about not doing them.  Knowing that my “space” has a time limit has focused my motivation on ticking off some items.. and each item achieved comes with a sense of satisfaction and fulfilment.  Getting stuff done and seeing progress is pulling me out of the funk I was in.

Your situation is different but I think setting achievable goals and ticking them off can help.  Even better if you write them down and put a line through it when done, then it’s visual.

For social anxiety, interact in a way that is either comfortable or only moderately uncomfortable. Comfort zone shrinks over time so you have to gently push the limits out, but do it in a sustainable way. These forums are great, try and find a hobby/interest group or volunteer work then you have a natural common “topic” to talk about.  Contributing to a group, even online, will help your mood.

Avoiding things is also something I do (and trying to unlearn), sometimes you just have to pick the easiest thing on your list and say “I’ll do it for (5,15,30,60) minutes”. Once you’ve started you usually keep going past the set time.

[Patches59]

Hi @bluegum @due to physical and mental health aspects during 30min Ute lunch break I decided to retire early, completely unplanned.

not long after retiring I commenced voluntary work which involved me being part of a group of people where each person was rostered for approx 3 hours one day each week.  Option was also there to drop in during the week at anytime. Most weeks I was going to the business 2days a week. Due to decrease in my physical health I ceased there early this year.

I don’t have anything set in concrete.  What I try to do is house work in the morning, something for enjoyment in afternoon (craft, walks etc), evenings spent relaxing on couch watching something on tv, usually couple hours of dvds.  Amongst people I’m an introvert.  I have couple people I see in person few times each year. Majority of my way of ‘communication’ is via social media eg Facebook, the forums either here or beyond blue

hope this gives you some other options and ideas

[BlueBayou1]

Hi @bluegum

I get up in the morning and have breakfast. Then I sort of plan my day in my head. I might have even started this the night before in which case I'll review that and decide on the day ahead.

I keep it simple and try not to be unrealistic. Like, at the moment I get up and read some poetry, a critical biography of the poet, read some in German and English translations. I finish by writing a poem. Doesn't have to be long or even good. Just a poem.

I've learnt not to criticise my own creations. It's hard but with practise you can do it. Then I will check out the garden, maybe pull some weeds, a bit of water, pick up the dog poo, play with my dog and then head inside for lunch.

I sort of continue on like that. Im very creative and so may be creating music or painting. Whatever, I just take it easy and try not to beat myself up. I often have voices saying I'm not doing enough, that what I'm doing is not real work. If this happens I'll meditate to break this up. I find that helps a lot.

Eventually I get to the evening where I sort of have a some out routine of watching TV, the news. cook dinner. And then some entertainment.

I don't know. we' re all different but I find this helps me stay focused on what I find important, not what I think others find important.

Most importantly I continue with therapy which keeps me on track especially when I'm honest with my therapist. This can be hard for me but it only works if I'm honest. I went for years lying to my therapist. I was only fooling myself which is not too clever.

Hope this sort of starts a discussion, but whatever, take care. The bad times pass just as the good times pass. You'll be OK.