I’m so sorry. Have you thought about seeing a psychologist for support for yourself? If you can’t finance one yourself, make a long appointment with your GP and ask for a mental health care plan for yourself, say you have an adjustment disorder re all the stress in your life, and get someone in your corner to support you - it’s a valid use of a psychologist. (Says someone who has fortnightly 1 1/2 hr appointments with my psychiatrist which are mentoring sessions more than anything else.)
It’s hard to comment not knowing more details (says the student doctor who’s done an ED placement, so used to quizzing the patient in detail!). Suicidality is typically “life difficulties” which is usually a mix of depression, personality factors and life stressors - usually the latter two predominate. In my stint on ED, suicidal patients came in saying they had depression, but most of the time it was put down to personality factors or life stressors (by the prof in charge of ED - though nobody told the patient he didn’t think “depression” was their problem). True MDD (major depressive disorder) is managed a bit differently - though not all psychiatrists are convinced they can tell the difference.
The reality is there’s not a lot that ED can do for suicidality, there’s no evidence putting people in hospital (unless they’re medically sick) prevents suicide, but hey, patients or their families want it… Meds have arguable efficacy, at best one in five people get a medication response, and one in thirty will have severe difficulties ceasing the standard medication… and sexual dysfunction is really common. And that’s if it is major depression. Long term psychotherapy (I’m a fan of psychodynamic therapy) is most effective in the long term, most people with short term therapy (eg CBT) either relapse quickly or never recover in the first place. That’s the treatment of choice for the ubiquitous life difficulties (long term psychotherapy), but it’s hard to find a psychiatrist who does therapy - who is funded to see someone once a week if needed. A mental health care plan from the GP will get you ten subsidised psychology appointments, private health can help with a few more, so top extras cover is handy there, and that can stretch to closer to fortnightly appointments. There may be some brief post hospital support - my local hospital offered 5 “personality factors” counselling appointments to people. Of course there’s ECT, but you’ll know if that’s in your ballpark.
On the plus side, successful completion of suicide is rare - 97-98% of people who are suicidal die some other way. I know that’s not reassuring when it’s your loved one, but the reality is that feeling suicidal rarely results in imminent death. Doesn’t help your stress levels, though!
Look after yourself is the most important thing I can say, given I have no idea about what’s really going on. And look after your kids. They are your priority. All the standard wellbeing stuff that you’re probably telling your partner - do it yourself. Sleep, eating, time with supportive friends, activities you enjoy - make sure you create space for you in the business of caring.
oh, and contact Carers Gateway - they can provide practical help like a cleaner, and they have their own counsellors (for you the carer) too. Also contact your local mental illness community support group, whatever it’s called where you are, they typically have support groups for carers, if that’s something that might help.
For your partner, Alt2Su groups I have a lot of time for, if there’s any in your area.
Otherwise… recovery is possible, but it’s usually a longer journey. I’m not judging you if you choose not to accompany your partner in the long term, I acknowledge it’s a difficult path and whether you and your partner’s journey remains coupled is only for the two of you to decide. Your commitment to your partner thus far is impressive, and you know there’s far more to your relationship than the current difficulties.
Here endeth the lesson… I wish you and your partner all the best, it’s so hard watching a loved one suffer. Take care.
