Hello Sane Forums,
This topic on my mind tracks back to two people that have shaped my life, and my own dependency issues too, as related to growing up with these people.
One is my mother, the other is my oldest friend we have known each other for nearly 30 years. The two people are property owners, they have multiple properties, the way I see it they have each gone to work every day since they were in their teens, they have accumulated a fair portion of wealth, and each of these people values money above all other resources in life. I would call each of them MISERS, as they hoard money, spend it on themselves only, but they spend their money on personal comforts - smokes and food for my mum, toys and holidays for the best friend.
Each of these characters relies on other people in their life to have their power and success. My mother is a martyr mother - the oldest friend is a workaholic businessman. Neither of them have close or honest relationships, I cut off my mother for being a one sided agent of pure nastiness and the oldest friend seems to have distant friends he "loves" while despising and mistrusting the employees who have worked for him for 20 years.
Now I have recently had a conflict with the oldest friend, due to his inability to treat the employees as humans - he has developed a megalomania where he is treating them as slaves, he refuses to understand that "horrible toxic workplace = illness and absenteeism" "horrible tyrant boss = disrespect and absenteeism". I have pointed out to the oldest friend, that he will not be respected by his employees if he behaves like Elon Musk. The oldest friend is a self diagnosed austistic but he is going down the path of "asperger supremacy" when, to most reasonable people he now appears as a manchild who is out of touch with reality, very wealthy, pretending to be poor, and trying to suck other people into working for him to make his own personal dreams of wealth and power come true.
I think its way too oversimplified to say "he is a narcissist", it is a fairly pointless label that does nothing to improve understanding or resolve a situation.
The mother is almost certain to have DID and traumatic regression, she lives in a child-state where her sons are her fathers/brothers which is a deeply disturbed sickness in itself. She has no interest to recognise her mental illness, I see it that her life was so terrible married to a PDF that she simply went back in time to before any of it happened but somehow she got three kids who ask things from her. She has been nasty enough to me over my life I have never asked for much but she indulges the boys as if they were her prospective partners, it is truly sickening I want nothing to do with intergenerational boundary crossing, and when she was in my life I had to pretend to be her mother/partner in other to interact with her, and it was absolutely horrible to need anything from a mother then have to give to her, to get back for me.
The oldest friend seems to be in a similar mode of failing to advance in life. It seems like he too is stuck in a child state, he has never had a partner, never had an intimate relationship, has harrassed and been innapropriate to staff, and he seems to think that the people who work for him owe 100% loyalty to his small business when he has no management skills, no interpersonal skills, and constantly oversteps boundaries when trying to connect with pathetic high school humour and acting like "one of the boys" when he is the owner/manager of the business.
So what i see as a commonality here, is both of these people have responsiblity and seniority - my mother to her children, the oldest friend to the employees - yet each person is trying to "be small" and force others to take responsibility for them. Each person has 100% of the financial power, and each person ONLY cares about keeping the other people under control so that their life is enriched and the other person's is diminished.
Now, maybe I have got it 100% wrong, but I personally cannot and will not respect a nasty and tyrannical little baby in an adults body, who is lying to me, telling me all types of lies when it's just a manipulative head game where they want me to be the cause of their problems, and they are the engineer of all successes, INCLUDING my successes.
I am looking for insight on these personalities please, each of them is repellant by way of immaturity and toxicity, each of them blames other people around them and craves connection but as soon as you get close, the little baby has to be nasty and I am about to end a 30 year friendship which I don't want to do but.....
I have discovered after abuse and therapy that most people wish for independent success, for other people. Both my mother and my oldest friend have watched my life plummet through tragedy and depsair, homlessness and each of them own properties they could rent to me at less than market value, and help me get on my feet.
I feel as though each person wants to have a loser in their life, (me), so that they are the winner by looking down on me. I am interested to hear other peoples experience with the controlling/dominating/self loathing tyrant personality.
