BPD trouble keeping friends

[Sweetpea2020]

Hi. Does anyone else have difficulty maintaining friendships? I’ve just lost another friend - possibly two - and am feeling distressed and anxious. Just lately I feel I am masking to present a happy, together person to the world, at the same time wondering if people can see I’m pretending and aren’t liking or including me. Thank you.

[BlueBells]

Hi @Sweetpea2020

I don't have BPD, but I've never been much at keeping friends.

I know it gets lonely, but are they friends if you have to pretend you are someone else anyway?

One should be able to be oneself with friends, well, that's what I think. I know we all hide a bit here and there depending on the other person, but not to the point we lose ourselves.

I'm sure it won't be long before someone more in touch with BPD will post, but I just didn't want you to feel ignored. I know how that hurts.

Lots of hugs oxoxoxox

[Sweetpea2020]

Just pretending I’m okay so they don’t suspect how unwell I am - mental health can be a touchy subject. People can talk, and I’m needing privacy as I can feel paranoid and worry what people are thinking or saying about me. Who knows - next week I might be okay again

[fluffylight]

Hi @Sweetpea20
Great to have you with us on the forums! I'm sorry to hear things are tough. I can hear how much you are holding. I am holding lots of space for you 💛

I know that I struggle with maintaining friendships due to my social anxiety, I haven't made any long term connections in a while now.

I don't have an experience with BPD but I wanted to shed light on this post by a forums member and let you know that you are not alone 💛 : https://saneforums.org/t5/Social-Spaces/Making-friends-with-BPD/m-p/1307136

Please take care, we are here to walk with you every step of the way 🙂

fluffylight x

[puzzlingdino]

Hi @Sweetpea2020, 

Thanks for sharing your experience. I have BPD too, and can relate to the difficulty with friendships that you describe.

I can hear how distressing this is for you, and I’m sorry that you are going through this at the moment. You deserve to feel satisfied with your friendships and to not feel the need to mask around others, and I hope that positive changes in these areas will come your way. 

Right now, though, I’d encourage you to seek out ways to support your wellbeing to help get you through this tough period. At times when I have experienced something similar, I found it helpful to journal my thoughts, to engage with online communities, and to watch familiar/comforting content (e.g. YouTube creators that you can feel connected to, my favourite movies or TV shows, etc.), but I know that everyone is different and that you might have some ideas of what would work better for you. I know that it doesn’t always feel fair to be having to put in the work to support ourselves, especially when we might be wishing that others could be there to provide that support instead, but I hope you can see that caring for yourself and your needs is worth it.

Feel free to keep us updated with how things are going for you 🙂 

[Former-Member]

Hi, I feel for you. I don’t have BPD but I have NO close friends. It’s just so difficult when you are anxious socially and I worry so much how others will perceive me. I always manage to get my words all jumbled up or put my foot into it by causing offence somehow. I don’t know. I WOULD like to have that friendship component in my life. Life can feel really empty without it. 

[tyme]

Hey @Former-Member @Sweetpea2020 , I have BPD and I don't have any close friends. However, that's because I like it that way. 

I'm interested to hear what a 'friend' means to you? Maybe because I don't tend to use the word 'friend' haphazardly. I'm not one to call everyone I know a 'friend'. It takes a LOT to be my friend.

I'm interested to hear your thoughts.

[Former-Member]

Hey @tyme, got it right this time he he. I have acquaintances but no real close contacts (apart from family) with whom I could disclose my mental illness. I apologise, my words are just not forthcoming tonight 😞

[tyme]

No need to apologise at all @Former-Member .

I wonder if you would be interested in joining tonight's Peer Group Chat. This is a live chat. You can sign up for an account here https://client.chatwee.com/popout/5fe12dcb78c130638b151232

You can use your forums username if you want.

Tonight's PGC topic is Move with Motivation. It starts now and will finish my 8:30pm AEST.

[tyme]

Hi @Former-Member , How are you today? I'm thinking about you and hope you are okay. 

Hi @Sweetpea2020 @puzzlingdino @BlueBells !