Mental health and child custody

[Joonbug]

Hi everyone, i haven't posted in awhile, my husband has STPD and has not been getting treatment since he was diagnosed 12 months ago. 

We have two primary aged children and one of my stumbling blocks in separating is that he could receive 50% custody. Does anyone have experience with custody and mental health? 

We have had a "rough" Christmas (as usual as it's a trigger) and I'm at my wit's end. He has given me the silent treatment for 3 days now (I don't know why), buried out dogs ashes without a discussion or the opportunity for me to say goodbye etc and a terrible family holiday because "he didn't get to do what he wanted" (when he spent at least 4 hours sulking one afternoon ). 

My other concern is if/when I leave I will need to leave the majority of my belongings in the interim and he is likely to destroy them. I have tried calling domestic abuse lines for help but not able to get through as yet. 

Any advice? 

[tyme]

Good Evening @Joonbug ,

Thank you for sharing your story. 

I'm sorry to hear how tough things have been. Have you ever contacted 1800RESPECT? 1800 737 32 https://www.1800respect.org.au/

They may be able to provide more support?

I'm here if you need a chat.

[Joonbug]

Thanks @tyme 

Originally I contacted White Ribbon who advised me to speak to the local service. Unfortunately they haven't called back after I left a message 3 months ago. My therapist gave me a few more numbers but it's not easy to get a moment on my own to make a call. 

[tyme]

1800RESPECT do have a web chat too if that helps @Joonbug 

[BPDSurvivor]

sounds like a tough one @Joonbug . Have you tried speaking to him about all this? 

Gently letting him know the effect MH is having on the family? Letting him know you are considering other options? 

Do you think this would encourage him to reach out for support? Or do you think he is happy to ‘let you go’?

 Sometimes it needs a lap of faith to stir up the nest for one to realise they need support.

 Only some thoughts… 

[Joonbug]

@BPDSurvivor we spoke in April and went through it all. A week later he sat and spat obscenities at me and refused to let me comment. I have resolved that we cannot have a discussion without a third party present as what appears to go well at the time then plays on his mind until he erupts. 

[BPDSurvivor]

Does he want things to continue as they are, or do you think he wants to do something about it @Joonbug ? IN terms of 'doing something about it', I mean either separating, engaging in marriage counselling, etc?

It sounds like you are doing what you can. Perhaps it's putting it out on the table now to determine what the other half wants to do?

I hear you say separation mean possible financial impacts. Do you think you can continue under the same roof? Please note, I am in no way telling you to separate. I'm just thinking of your own MH and wellbeing as well as any children you have.

It's a difficult one.

[Appleblossom]

I had difficulties separating with a similar paranoid personality. @Joonbug  I lived separated under the same roof for a year trying, but also preparing a get away.  That was over 20 years ago. I am still single but alive and in better health than in my marriage. My son said I was getting younger. The kids thing is tricky and each case should be on its merits.  Collect information and figure out your priorities.