My recovery journey

[hanami]

I totally relate @june23 . It's such a dilemma. I'm wondering if there is anyone else you can have a chat to about what would happen if you DID take the job. Like you say, it could really benefit you.  I feel like I want to suggest, just go for it, but then understand your hesitancy!

Sorry I'm not much help lol. I probably confused you even more. 
I hope not!

Just want to really say I get you I get you I get you!

Whatever the decision is you make, I'm sure something will work out x

[june23]

I'm glad you think it's a dilemma too @hanami haha, that helps so much because I wasn't sure if I was overreacting about it.

I've chatted with people about this dilemma and they suggested I could always just quit the job if it became too stressful but I've got worries about that too, like being unprofessional (because they told me the job would be busy) and being a failure (even though in theory I support the idea of doing what you have to do for your mental health).

The positive outcome would be that taking the job is manageable and the stress doesn't affect my recovery, but it's such a big risk to take ... especially since it's going against the advice of my psychiatrist.

I do want to go for it too! I've lived so long being afraid to do so many things. But at the same time, I've also always pushed myself to do things that weren't helpful to my mental health. Maybe this time I need to prioritize my mental health and focus on recovery seriously. I'm looking at volunteering now and there's so many options! That is reassuring (but also scary...)

Sorry for the wall of text 😅 And thank you for getting me xx

[hanami]

Yep @june23 I get all those thoughts. And I understand when you say you’ve lived so long being afraid.

It sounds like you have so many thoughts, would it help to write them all down. That often helps me ‘get out of my own head’ ! 
❤️

[june23]

For sure, @hanami! So far, I have found posting here extremely therapeutic and it has cleared my head. I feel better about the job situation already, there are so many uncertainties but all I can do is face whatever happens when the time comes and I'm okay with that 🙂

[june23]

Well, I've sent out the emails. My anxiety is through the roof. Emailing is such a major stressor for me, especially waiting for replies. But I'm glad I have conquered the task of actually sending them in the first place. The worst that can happen is everybody says no to my requests, that wouldn't be soooooo bad? Idk ... I want to go and distract myself but everybody, including me, is sick and the weather is horrible. Writing it out here has helped though.

[fluffylight]

Hi @june23 

I'm new here 😊 :smiling_face_with_smiling_eyes:

May I share how much I relate with your email stressors! I hate waiting for them too - I tend to continuously go to my inbox and refresh.

Congrats on getting through that and I'm glad you found writing it out has helped you! Maybe I should do the same 🤔 :thinking_face: 

Are you someone who likes tea? Maybe tea would bring some joy with the horrible weather and feeling sick? 

flufflylight

[june23]

Hi @fluffylight 👋

I'm glad somebody else feels the same way! I'm always checking for them too. As long as I'm waiting, it feels like the reply could be anything - from something nasty to just laughing at me. Or that I'll get ignored. It's awful. But luckily I have gotten one response so far and they were so so kind in their reply! It made me feel great and was such a relief.

And yes I would highly recommend writing here! It has really helped me so far, these forums are a great place.

Tea is a great idea! I can't believe I didn't think of that, it is perfect weather and circumstances (feeling sick) for tea. Thank you 🍵 Have you been having some tea today?

[june23]

https://youtu.be/UJmbn1sQw2A

I've been listening to this song recently, it calms me down. I'm a bit nervous waiting to hear if I get a job offer or not. If I get a no, I''m worried I won't be able to cope with the negative thoughts that result. If I do get a job offer, I'm worried about making the right decision for managing my mental health. I really want the job. Fingers crossed I can get a job offer and be able to work part time 🤞 In the meantime, my energy levels are super low. I tried doing a youtube workout yesterday so that's a plus. But today, I'm just really struggling to find it in me to get up and do things. I just feel like sleeping all day. How can I be successful at a job feeling like this? How can I achieve my recovery goals? It's a bit overwhelming.

[june23]

Also, I'm having a little trouble reading the laptop screen. I have my glasses on, but things still seem a little blurry/bright and hurting my eyes. Maybe I need a new glasses prescription, but the reason I'm worried is that when I was unwell one of my symptoms was the inability to concentrate on reading and feeling like words were jumping all over the screen or page. I'll monitor and see how things go.

[june23]

I might make a separate discussion post but I'm worried it's happening again, my psychosis that is. I know I am not in a full blown episode but in the last few days I have been on edge, trouble sleeping, and I saw a face in the darkness and heard someone calling my name last night. I don't think it's enough to tell my psychiatrist and I'm lucky I have my mum with me watching me if I deteriorate. But it's just stressful.