Schizophrenia

[Katk]

Hi everyone

just joined and am new to this. I probably should have joined many years ago. I’m hoping this is the right place to come to talk about how I feel. Right now it’s butterflies and despair. I ve been dealing with a parent that was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was 10 years old not that it was explained to me properly back then. My mum has schizophrenia where she has become very religious but has also become very racist at the same time. Even though she’s on medication she’s still pretty bad. So my main issue is that I married a man that has black in his background, 2 beautiful children and 25 years later and yes my mum has pretended to accept them, but she still doesn’t. She still has her own imaginary world that I’m married to a white man (someone else) and my children don’t exist. I am currently staying with my mum while dads in hospital for an operation. She can’t be left alone because she may just walk up the street to meet her imaginary boyfriend. But we had a bit of a heated discussion tonight where she admitted to not liking her grandchildren because of who they are and that I shouldn’t be with my husband because he’s black. I know I am supposed to understand that it’s mental health. But what about my mental health?Right now I’m feeling broken and just want to leave but I know I can’t. There’s no one else. I’m hoping for some advice from others that have possibly been through something similar 

[tyme]

Hi @Katk ,

I, myself, do not have experience with schizophrenia, but I hear what you are saying. It must be hard knowing that your mum pretends to accept her grandchildren, but really don't. What sounds harder is that there's a fine line speaking to her or her illness - am I correct in saying so?

Yes, your mental health matters. Does it help to remind yourself that it is her illness speaking and not herself? Do doctors think she will every get better in terms of her living in her imaginary world?

Please look after yourself. I'll tag @RiverSeal who may be able to direct you to some more resources etc.

Hope you will be able to connect with others who can share similar experiences.

[Katk]

Thank you. Yes you are correct she doesn’t believe she has a mental illness even after all these years of medication, seeing psychiatrists and even being in a mental health hospital. It’s very hard to speak to her about it. At this stage I have given up on any further progression. As long as she’s stays on her medication she is civil enough to be in society and live her life. Further resources would be great. I have held onto this for way too long that I think now at 49 years old I’m realising it really has affected my whole life. I have never reached out to anyone about this