Telling Others

[Former-Member]

Hello,

I was just wondering what it was like for some of you guys when you told people about your bipolar.

Did you tell people because you wanted them to understand you more or chose not to tell people because you feel like saying it will defin you and how people view you?

Did you find it easy to open up or hard? Did people react how you wanted them to or did you feel judged?

I'm just pondering if I should tell people and let them know that's the reason I disappear for months at a time and react to situations differently and get really flat. But then I don't want to see me different:

I told my best friend the other day and she reacted ok to that but when I started telling her about the medications the doctor was thinking to put me on she kinda freaked out.

[Mazarita]

Hi @Former-Member,

I have had mixed responses to telling people I have been diagnosed bipolar. Some people are surprised to learn this about me. Some people don't like to hear about any kind of illness at all, as though it's not the kind of thing that should really be discussed. In these cases, talking about my physical health problems seems to have been tiresome to them too. Some people seem to be put off by someone they know taking any kind of psych medication. Others are accepting. It's all different depending on the individual being given this information and probably hard to predict.

My current psychiatrist encourages me not to just 'blurt it all out' (which I have a tendency to do), but rather see it as my own business to be shared carefully with only those I trust and have a reason to share it with. Having said that, I prefer to spend time with people who know this about me and have accepted it as a part of who I am. It depends on the degree of intimacy in the relationship for me. Closest friends I tell. Those who are more acquaintances or people I see only occasionally I might be less inclined to reveal this information. It's a highly personal decision. Good luck with it. 🙂

[Former-Member]

Hello @Former-Member, 

Thank you for posting here about something im sure many people would struggle doing! It seems that @Mazarita has some insight of what it is like to talk to people about bipolar. Different reaction may come from different understandings around it. 

@Rosie has posted here about some techniques to help YOU tell other people about your experiences. 

Also, I am wondering if @Pixie or @JT has any experiences in telling other people? 

[Appleblossom]

I think this is a great question.

@Mazarita's response is very wise.

I try to deal in the terms that her psychiatrist has suggested ... but often find that I am backed into a social corner at times and still blurt things out ... still working on it .. but mostly the cat is out of the bag for me ... a woman tried to get me edgy in my last catholic choir .. through good intentions that we should "let it all hang out" .. and that my story needed to be in the public domain. but more came out than any one wanted ...  I am not there anymore and so sadly pushed out again ...

I am not properly diagnosed or medicated for the degree of discomfort I experience... I am trying to remedy that ... but quite a few aspects of my life story are very challenging for most people to even "hear" let alone understand.

[Mazarita]

@Appleblossom I only really accepted my bipolar diagnosis because I was backed into a corner. I was so dysfunctional and getting very close to being unable to pay rent because of it. But I've had some help from all of the mental health workers I've seen, except a few I saw only briefly. Treatment has never been perfect but I can still appreciate that these people have helped me get through my life. I read in another thread you had some bad experiences in the past, which I can understand feeds reluctance to seek new treatment. I have a friend who I sometimes think might suffer less if she sought some mental health treatment but she prefers to go it alone and I respect that too.

[Appleblossom]

Financial realities can be a frequent stumbling block .. but not the only consequence .. of MI .. when I was young everybody seemed very poor .. now everybody seems so well off .. I cant believe it ... for many overseas trips every year at least ... its another reason why I decided to hang out on these forums .. being poor can keep us honest.

i am now in relative financial security but still stuggle with massive SI .. often think I could leave material comfort behind for son .. but an awful legacy so i keep trying to deal with "life".

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member, I’m just wondering how you’re feeling a few days after telling your friend. I imagine it wasn’t an easy conversation to start. Is it easier knowing that things are out in the open? Or is she still a bit freaked out?

@Appleblossom and @Mazarita, it sounds like there can be good and bad reactions when telling people you have bipolar. Have you discovered any techniques which help with knowing when to disclose, how much to share and who you want to tell?

[Mazarita]

@Former-Member I'm still working out who, how and when to tell, even after several years with the bipolar diagnosis. It is probably an ongoing journey. There's no easy way of predicting people's responses. Sometimes I have just found myself blurting it out and then possibly regretting it later. I try not to be too hard on myself if I've done this and just accept that it's 'out' now. It can then be further talked about or not as feels best in the circumstances. Hope this helps.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member

I think my friend is handling ok. I think she always knew there was something not right with me and would see me disappear for weeks at a time. She was one of the ones that encouraged me to seek help.

But after telling her I feel ashamed to be around her. I've canceled all our latest lunch dates. I just feel alwrad and not good enough to have friends.


I've decided not to really tell anyone except my close family, my husband and if need be a bestfriend of the subject comes up if they catch me acting strange.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Loulathecat

I’m so sorry to hear that it’s made things harder with your friend. I’m sure that if she encouraged you to seek help then she will be grateful that you’ve told her. Sometimes people don’t know how to respond to things they’re unfamiliar with. She may not have heard of the different medications and may not realise how important medication can be in managing bipolar.

I know it can sometimes seem easier not to see people if we’re worried things will be awkward, but from what you’ve said she seems like a good friend and someone who would want to have the opportunity to show support when things aren’t going well for you.

I think a similar topic has come up on the Forums in the past about disclosing mental health information, mainly in the workplace but I think the concerns are similar. @Crazy_Bug_Lady, @Former-Member, @DefiantPanda, @Tess, @Phoenix82 feel free to share your thoughts on telling friends about a mental illness?