Complex mental health disorders and long-term relationships

[justanotherguy]

@StanD, I don't have very well formed ideas on love, but I can see it can be a spontaneous thing, or can develop over time. Or sometimes we try and force it and it's not really there. I have had discussions with a friend about the problems of 'romantic love' and the challenges it presents. Many cultures don't even bother with romance, a relationship is much more functional. I think in the West we set ourselves up for failure much too often.

[StanD]

Im beginning to understand functional / romance. You are so true, it is not reality tv at all. Yes, I think I am open to your concept of spontaneous or progress.

I used i have this notion (20+ years ago) that anyone could fall in love with anyone - it's about the compatibility, that makes it last or end.

I think there might be other types of love too.

I wonder what your challenges are with romantic love? I don't see any.

I am reflecting on this concept of 'forcing love.' It is dangerous abusive.

There is the phrase about 'if you love - set it free  etc. I think you know it.

I might be completely wrong - in my head I am fighting for me, my planet, my life. Fighting for universal love.

In my mind it is an emergency. Drastic action, not one second to second guess. We are dying.

Do I need to let go & watch how it unfolds. I feel like no. It is my duty to take charge now. 

I'm stuck in a yin yang balance.

Letting life happen is easy, good....?

Trust the divine universe..etc 

And...God helps those who help themselves.

I am a servant of God. God works through me.

I cannot accept 'easy' always. I need to fight harder than I ever had.

I think my mind, directions - flux in extremes. The goal is always health.

@justanotherguy  - ironic & exact.

[justanotherguy]

Hi @StanD , sound like you have lot of stuff to deal with. I have for a long time. On the phrase 'if you love something, set it free', it always puzzled me. Why not love it and keep it around? If you say that does it mean the things in your life are the things you don't love?

[StanD]

Yeh I'm stuck in this really weird yin yang @justanotherguy I have never 'forced' anyone to love me. I have insecurities & can be jealous & all sorts of humaness. 

I'm not getting what I truly need. I'm not doing anything wrong. 

[justanotherguy]

Content/trigger warning

Hi @StanD , just reflect on my question before:

"If people say 'if you love something, set if free', does that mean their life is filled with things they don't love?"

I do think many people fill their lives with things they don't really love, like money, popularity, and power, as they find 'love' not fulfilling enough. Or maybe deep down they feel they don't really deserve it?

[StanD]

Oh thanks for the trigger warning just another guy.

Apologies for my treating you as my relationship counsellor.

These are healthy topics to discuss.

How can one be sure what they feel deep down?

I know I enjoy love. I know I have walls that prevent me from falling too far. I think it's ok to protect myself.

The right person for me help me to break down these walls. I would know they are honourable.

Do I deserve love...I want to say yes, we all do. It's difficult to know the hurts endured that may block. It's difficult to endure these hurts over again without falling back into patterns of self protection.

It's difficult to answer if one has not experienced love before. What is it? How can I say if I deserve what I don't know?

I think it's a knowing.

I don't think I've ever had this in a consistent way.

I have accepted less, trying to change myself to be lovable.

Is love with a person or on my own?

I like having the freedom to be.

I don't like fitting in.

Love would mean I never have to change myself or have boundaries or question or need for more, or feel any type of hurt.

I have never had this. Is it because I don't think I deserve or is it because I have not found it yet?

The person who is worthy of my love accepts me. It is easy. 

If I don't believe deep down I deserve. The person would love me regardless & make me believe I am.

It is not me that is not worthy, if I don't believe.

That is a strange answer.

@justanotherguy