Alone & Empty

[ClockFace]

My sister comes home from the mental health facilty tonight. She is still selfharming and suicidal ideation is still strong. and its no longer me and the hospitals dealing with her its just me. My Dad will be basically useless and my Mum, who hasnt seen my sister for the 3 months she has been hospital hopping, doesnt leave her room so there is no help there. 

Im spent, Im beyond tired, I feel like I am floating all alone in space and Im completly empty inside. I have to but I dont know how I will support my sister now she is home. 

Add to that I have spinal surgery in 2 weeks, not invasive but serious. Could mean that I will be pain free for the first time in 22 years so its a big deal. I have a heap of medical issues. I see a doctors, specialist etc pretty regularly like once or twice a fortnight.

I get to this point in writing and discover my Mum on her bathroom floor, having fallen for the I dont know how many times. Ambulance

Now my sister is home, yelling, screaming, crying and complaining. My heart sinks

[tyme]

Hi @ClockFace ,

After reading your post, I am concerned about YOU. As much as you are caring for everyone else, there is only so much you can take.

Does your sister have community supports in place after leaving hospital? Caring for someone with BPD can be very taxing and can lead to carer's fatigue.

Adding to that, how is your mum now? 

If you feel you need to speak to someone, you are welcome to contact our counselling line on 1800 187 263 (M-F, 10am-10pm AEDT).

You deserve all the support you can get right now.

[Sione]

@ClockFace 

Does your sister hear voices in her head non-stop 24/7?

[ClockFace]

Im not sure. I know her mind races constantly. She talks like she has 100s of conversations going at once and your expected to know when she has swapped to a conversation you were having an hr ago

[ClockFace]

Ive been speaking/msging a bit. Feel like a bit too much but it helps. I am going to be on the councilling program SANE runs. Had the welcome call now just waiting for an appointment. They said about a fortnight, without meaning disrespect, that feels like an enternity away. 

We are getting community support for my sister. Again they are all about a fortnight away, though she got into a DBT psychologist pretty quick, think its like a week wait.

Mums ok. She keeps having these falls but there is little they can do except to check her out. She doesnt leave her room, eats poorly, drinks more fluid than she is allowed to. So there is weight issues and she has lost alot of muscle mass in her legs, and in her arms I suppose. She can no longer get herself off the floor and struggles to get into bed.

Instead of waking me, my sister has taken the car and driven herself to the doctors. When I went to bed last night she wasnt sure if she was going to go. She was going to leave a note, which she didnt. TBH I forgot about it. She has visual issues, along with comprehension and memory. But she has taken the car, I did say she couldnt drive for a while.

[Sione]

@ClockFace 

The voices are trying to psychologically manipulate her thought processes and behaviour. They are trying to covertly brainwash her. If she does not align with the worldviews of the voices then they will increase the covert stress intensity to potentially cause overt disorientation and incapacitation, which can be misinterpreted by others. There are many overt ways to cover this covert operation, which may include the manipulation of other unwitting individuals. Only God can save us. JESUS SAVE US!