Functioning with ADHD

[creative_writer]

I’ve started to feel my emotions again. Body flashback is being annoying, I’ve been taking my mind off it. I know my psych wants me to increase my emotional tolerance, so I need to sit with it for a bit, but it is so hard. I wish I didn’t need to deal with it.

I have been trying to grow from everything I’ve experienced, but I still get frustrated. I wish I did not get so frustrated. I know I’m fortunate to have supports to lean on. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself. I want to move faster. I want to stop feeling angry because it’s poisoning me. I want to forgive but don’t know how

[AuntGlow]

Hello @creative_writer, I hear you so much with this... it's really, really hard. I think you are doing amazing work and making so much more progress than you realise. 

Sitting with big feelings is extremely vulnerable and uncomfortable. So, the fact you are even trying to do so is a sign of growth. 

Maybe forgiveness is a while away, and that's okay. What is another thing you could work towards for now? ex: self-compassion. ☺️💛

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow I used to avoid feelings all the time, I am sitting with them more now. I know I still have a very long way to go and it feels daunting, maybe I'll think about it when I get there.

Forgiveness is hard, and it feels like I go back and forth. I don't think I have truly forgiven yet, maybe I am not ready. Self-compassion is also something I am learning. If I treated a friend the same way I treated myself they would leave. I am working on replacing my unhelpful thoughts with more kind and compassionate thoughts. I do struggle at times I login my thoughts, I have reminders, but sometimes I totally forget. I struggle with procrastination and paralysis. I do want to work on improving my memory and ability to do what needs to be done, but I know I need to be patient with myself

[AuntGlow]

Well, see! That is huge progress. I really struggle with it too, so you're not alone. @creative_writer 

That makes sense to me, forgiveness can be complex. I read somewhere that forgiveness isn't about being okay with what the other person did, but rather, setting ourselves free from the pain they have caused. What are your thoughts on this idea?

I also want to reiterate that you don't have to forgive someone before you're ready; maybe this anger needs to come up so you can really address, process, and heal the parts of you that are hurting? 

How are the more compassionate thoughts sitting with you at the moment? Can we practice sitting with a compassionate mantra for this evening?

Ooh also, how did you go with exploring some manifestation meditations? 🥰

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow I want to set myself free, that is where it comes from. I think it is common to suppress anger because it is often not seen as socially acceptable, but I know I need to address it.

I look into manifestation, I personally find it helpful to visualise the child me and comfort the little girl, I think re-parenting that child can help. I think maybe it's because I wasn't able to get my needs met in childhood

[creative_writer]

Im stressed

[creative_writer]

I'm so stupid for being triggered by filling in a form. Now the child me won't talk to me. I've deleted my responses on the form now

[AuntGlow]

Here with you @creative_writer. It's okay, sometimes the seemingly smallest things can significantly trigger us. 

What do you need right now? And what is one thing you could do for yourself that may be soothing? 💗

[Jynx]

My inner child throws tantrums all the time @creative_writer lol your little self will come around. 

Sending some hugs

 (つˆ⌣ˆ)つ

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow @Jynx the inner child is a child. I feel like I’m dealing with a toddler. The inner child gets offended when triggered. Now I’m reassuring my inner child I’ve deleted my vulnerable responses. I just wasn’t expecting them to ask about trauma and emotions. I’m sure they won’t mind if I leave the questions blank.

I’m eating dinner rn, I knew I had to eat something even though I didn’t feel like it. Had to wipe away some tears, don’t want salty tears in my dinner. I might try to do something soothing afterwards, my muscles are feeling tense, might help to release some of that tension