Functioning with ADHD

[Ru-bee]

Hey @creative_writer what's going on for you tonight?

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee working on my health has been hard. I know disordered eating/ eating disorders don’t like diet changes, it’s takes so much from me to have to resist. I could easily stuff up and not follow it. I know I would sabotage my mental and physical health, but it’s so hard to let go. I don’t even know how I got to this point. I feel like I must have messed up along the way. I engage in compensatory controlling behaviour, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to control now. I feel the need to control something, I helps me cope with trauma. I feel stuck. I’ll talk to my psych on Monday during our appointment, but I feel so ashamed to admit everything. I haven’t said anything yet. You can probably tell my mind is racing, it worsens when I don’t sleep

[Ru-bee]

Have you thought about reaching out to the Butterfly foundation to explore this at all @creative_writer? I wonder if it would feel a bit more approachable than talking to your psych about it and maybe it would be a step towards being able to do that. They might be able to help with some more positive behaviours you could try to feel in control too. 

I know many people aren't sure about reaching out to them for support if they haven't been diagnosed with an eating disorder, but the service is for anyone who faces struggles around potential disordered eating and/or body image difficulties.  

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee I did today, it was helpful. Though there is only so much you can talk about in 20-30. Maybe I’ll reach out again in a few days. You can only reach out twice a week.

I honestly don’t know if I fall under ED or just disordered eating. Though I’ve had multiple mental health professionals enquire about my eating habits even without me saying a word. I always found it difficult

[Ru-bee]

Glad to hear that it was helpful @creative_writer good to know that you've got that as an extra support option. It can be a really hard thing to talk about so good on you for reaching out 

[creative_writer]

@Ru-bee I know there are supports out there for trauma, though I find it a bit easier to talk about things with my psych because I know her.

I’ve had current psych and pdoc ask me quite early on, though I never really admitted it back then, I still haven’t really talked about it. At the time I took offence, my mind was saying “do I look like I have a problem with eating?” I have had other people time and time again tell me I’m not eating right, I felt like I was being judged for the way i looked

[creative_writer]

Maybe I do have a problem in my case, but should we really be judged by how we look?

[AuntGlow]

Hi @creative_writer, how is your headache feeling today? I am so sorry you were feeling migrainy... 😣

Have you managed to get some rest at all?

You know, that makes complete sense. It's so normal for our mind to fixate and focus on the things that feel controllable when we are dealing with bigger feelings that are out of our control. So know that your mind is trying so, so hard to be on your side (it's just going about it in a way that's not so helpful). 🥰

I know these feelings and thoughts are strong for you right now, but can you share with me one thing that helped you to feel safe or light today? 

[creative_writer]

@AuntGlow I was able to sleep with the old PRN, migraine was better. I need to have a discussion with nutritionist during the session. Psychological support is probably needed too, only have two therapy sessions left for this year 🥺.

I took a relaxing shower today, it helped me feel more fresh and clean. Finally finished my 9 day period, and that’s longer than my normal 7 days. Not sure what’s up with my hormones, period was super late last time, it was longer this time

[AuntGlow]

Thank you for updating me @creative_writer. It does sound like seeing your psychologist is important right now. I get how stressful it can be having to make your sessions last throughout the whole year... when do you think you will go next? And have you talked with them about if they have a sliding scale for payments at all?

I am glad you have allowed yourself some real self-care time today. I am sorry to hear about your period, that sounds so uncomfortable. Are you feeling a bit lighter now it's finished? 💛