I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Those thoughts are too much. I can’t stop them. I can’t control them. The only thing I can control is not getting out of bed. 

Staying in bed is staying safe. So I am safe

lucky I’m lazy I guess. 

[Captain24]

I still can’t sleep.. this life just feels too much for me right now. The struggle is so hard. I know I just keep going around in the same circles but I just can’t help it. I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t have the strength or the energy to do it. 

I am safe as I don’t have anything left in me to act on anything 

[Acanthiza]

@Captain24I'm glad you are not in immediate danger, really hanging out for you getting the support you need, you are so close! It is getting through work today and then talking to parents with CM tomorrow?

Dealing with this stuff is an immense accomplishment and you have managed to put things in place to help. Just surviving is enough sometimes.

[creative_writer]

@Captain24. Sending you lots of hugs and love. Hon ❤️ ❤️ . I am glade you were able to stay safe. Sitting with you. I hope work gives you a good distraction. It takes so much strength to get out of bed when feeling so low, I hope you are able to see that in yourself

[Snowie]

@Captain24 💕

[Captain24]

Thanks for your support @Snowie @creative_writer @Acanthiza 

I know I’m really not making it easy for you all. 

I managed to go to work and finish the day. That was huge on hardly any sleep. 

I don’t feel real good though. I’m just so exhausted that my mind is going off into unwanted tangents. It’s really deep and dark  But I guess as @Jynx  says. I’ve gotten through it 100% of the time before. 

Just today I don’t know if I want too. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 Good stuff, getting through your work day! And on no sleep and everything, oof! 

I can understand that feeling, especially because of the onset of exhaustion 😞 

Maybe some distraction could help? Or something crafty, keep your hands busy and your mind just occupied enough that your thoughts aren't drifting to those tangents? 

[creative_writer]

@Captain24, getting through today is a big achievement. I believe in you. Sitting with you 💖🫂

[Captain24]

I’m in pretty deep @Jynx. I am just sitting on my lounge. Wishing everything to just stop.

OMG.. as I’m writing this.. the delightful little Jett has just come running into the lounge room all tangled up in my bra! 

At least that’s a smile I guess! 

When I untangle Jett I think maybe I should just go to bed. Medication free. It’s for the best. I don’t really see any other way. Plus I don’t want to be that person on that same cycle everyday. Even though I know I am. I hate it. 

I don't want you to give up on me like I’ve given up on myself. 

[Jynx]

Hahaha omg @Captain24 that image is hilarious!! Aww Jett, thank you for the mischief lil guy, that got me smiling along with you as well 😊😂😁

I hope that you're able to get off to sleep okay darlin, and don't you worry, I will never give up on you! I'm 1000% serious when I say that I have faith that you will get through this; with every fibre of my being I believe in you.

And I know my words to be true cos I can feel a lot of very passionate, fiery energy rising up in me right now. It's like a warm flood of compassion and care, and I'm sending these vibes right on out into the universe, ready to come crashing down around you, like a big ball of pure empowerment. Hopefully you feel the vibes embracing you as you're drifting off to slumber land tonight 💜