I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I don’t know how you do it @tyme. I tried it on carpet and couldn’t do it. 

I have this image of you in a house with no furniture just a sleeping bag on the floor! 

Now I’m thinking of an inspection of a fully furnished bedroom with a ‘bed’ made on the floor. You know, like sheets doona and pillows! 

[Bow]

Sorry to interrupt but am I reading correctly that you don’t sleep on a bed @tyme ???? Like no mattress??? Just on the floor??? 

how is that comfortable?? Do you not have a bad back? Hips? Neck? Just all over aches and pains??? 

[tyme]

LOL. I would roll everything up and put it away if I had a house inspection @Captain24 . I think it's also coz I'm a minimalist. I don't like having things and redundant furniture. At my other house, every time I heard someone needed something, I just gave my furniture and appliances away until I was down to one single bed and 2 bar stools. I didn't even have a table anymore. I gave my washing matching away and my lounges too. I gave my toaster away as well. I think in my head, "I don't need it".

At the moment in my house, I have one stand up computer desk, one 2 seater lounge, a shoe cabinet, fridge, and one book shelf... that's about it... the rest of the place is empty. I mean, I have the built in stuff like kitchen cabinets and stuff, but I don't even own a dining table because I don't see the need to have a table for one lol.

What's your place like? 

[Captain24]

OMG!!! @tyme. I sooo could t live like that. 

My place is fully furnished. I have a main lounge room and on top of that I have the whole open plan living. Just in that space I have 2 x 2 seater lounges, a bookcase full of ornaments, a Tv unit with a tv and all the gadgets plus it’s got photos and ornaments. The open plan has a tv unit with a tv and all the gadgets and a 5 seater corner lounge, then a dining table and chairs! plus hanging pictures and diamond art. 

3 bedrooms have beds and accessories and the other bedroom has a sofa bed, ironing board and suitcases and all the shit! 

All my paint on the walls are shades of white and all feature tiles in the house are varying shades of green. 

You definitely wouldn’t cope! 

I wouldn’t cope at yours either. I’ve heard of minimalist but that’s a bit extreme. It just goes to show how everyone is so different! 

I now get why your sisters place gets to you so much. I had thought that it’s really messy with toys literally everywhere. But even one thing out of place would be frustrating for you 

I can’t live further away as I have my house and my job is here. It’s probably 10-15kms from my side of town to the other. I’m just out of town. It’s a really little town. I’m hoping that three weeks will kick start. I’m hoping I don’t hear from my parents at all unless something happens. I really need the space especially after spending 7 days 24 hrs a day with them.

I know you all have experienced admissions but this is my first time and I won’t get any support from home so I’m hoping you guys will help me through getting there. 

Jump in all you like @Bow you are welcome to join us! Is D going to her dads tomorrow or is she with you? 

[tyme]

That's right @Bow ! Absolutely flat on the floor. I find it helps my back. I have more pain sleeping on a bed! 

And you are not interrupting at all. You are more than welcome in the conversation. I'll be honest with you, ED is sort of out of my depth and hence I don't say much about ED. I've had disordered eating, but not a diagnosed ED, and hence I don't want to say anything 'wrong'. But please know I am reading on and fully supportive of you @Bow 

For both of you, and others, I just want you to know you are not alone. You are part of this forums family. As I've looked around, I have NEVER seen a forum like SANE forums. Yes, it's not perfect, but I feel the connections with people are so authentic. I feel I can really feel at home and be myself on the forums and that's why I love these forums so much. 

I know we can 'see' each other in person, but I still find our connection so real. I tell people more about my life on the forums than I do anywhere else. It's my safe space.

As I said, these forums are no way perfect. People may want us to go back to purely 'moderating', but I feel the peer support is so rich and meaningful.

Sorry, I've gone on a tangent, but I really wanted to share this.

But back to the original question - yes, I sleep on floorboards and I love it. 

[tyme]

Oh yes @Captain24  - And I don't watch TV, nor do I have a TV so I don't have the TV cabinet, TV or all the stuff that comes with a TV. lol... 

Can you see why "I" should be the one saying I don't fit in this world? Like seriously, who else would live like me?

Even when you are away or in hospital, we are still here for you. At the same time, make use of the staff at the clinic as much as possible. You know we will always be here, but the clinic won't be. So since you are there, make the most of it. I'm not sure if they run groups, but I hope you get to join. It wont be easy, but hopefully it will be the beginning of change.

@Bow , what's your house like? (If you want to share)

[Bow]

Thanks @tyme  

i feel very much the same way about the forums. It’s family. My extended family. I go to tell people about it but then stop cause I know they just won’t understand.  And yea the peer side of it is so valuable! You really

 notice the absence of peers when they clock off or on PHs. 

my back aches thinking about you sleeping on the floorboards. I need to go lay on my mat! You use a pillow? And at least something to lay on??? 

my house? It’s kinda a split level. Upstairs has 3 bedrooms, mum, D and the sewing room. Lounge, kitchen, bathroom and outside laundry. Then a few steps down, I believe they probably converted a garage into another room and stuck a massive spa in it. There is a little… landing between the stairs and the spa room, my D has her craft desk there and other JUNK and then my massive room was built off that at the back of the house- it was a dodgy add on! 
LOTS of clutter. Mum is a hoarder. I hate it. My room is neat and tidy, everything has its place. Clutter really messes with me, gives me anxiety. We rent. 

@Captain24  yes D is at her fathers tomorrow. Mum has to be at the train early in the morning. Once I dropped D off I’ll go to the shops and have a wander. Not sure what else I’ll do. 

[Captain24]

No.. no…no. Definitely not go back to just moderating!!! @tyme. Well that’s my opinion anyway. 

I see it @tyme. I don’t know anyone that’s like that. But that’s ok because everyone is not the same. Thats why I say on the outside I look fine. I have the good job, nice house and nice car. But your possessions don’t define who you are. 

They do groups every day. Well I guess Monday to Friday. I am scared to go as I don’t talk in front of people so it’ll take me a while to actively participate. But I will join and I will listen to the others. I’m not sure what to really expect but I intend on making the most of it. I’m hoping that I at least I get a day to settle in. Plus there is a hydrotherapy pool and a gym, so I’m going to try them out. Also the beach is 15mins walk and we get 4 hours leave on weekends so I’m going to try and do some exercise to help. I’m guessing there will be time that I need to fill in. I’ll need something to do. 

I read my referral today and he put he put anxiety disorder on it. No one talks about that. They are more focused on bipolar and ED. So it was good to read. He did put my ED on it which I was hoping he wouldn’t. 

[Captain24]

Your house sounds interesting @Bow. While I designed mine it’s pretty stock standard. do you use the spa??

It’ll be different for you to be on your own but relish it. Wander around just let yourself be. No one to think of and no time constraints. 

[tyme]

Nice and quaint @Bow - Does D feel she is too far from you if she sleeps upstairs and you downstairs? I can imagine how much JUNK a little kid has. I'm making a bunk bed using cardboard boxes with my niece. It's for her twin dolls. There's mess everywhere. No matter how much I tell them, there's still rubbish everywhere. So I retreat to my place. I really have to bite my tongue about the mess.

And sleeping on my back? I use a pillow for my head. But I don't have anything else under my body. I honestly feel my back is so much better when I sleep on the floor. I'm going to do an internet search. Obviously, sleeping on the floor is super strange lol. As I said before, I reckon I'd need a heated pad to sleep on in the winter because the floorboards will be too cold.

@Captain24 , the first few days of an admission is just to get a feel of the place. To be honest, even 3 weeks is JUST scratching the surface. I think in the long term, you may need more of these 3-4 weeks circuit breakers but do it early before things get really bad.

I'm sure @Bow can also tell you what an admission is like esp in private. I've never been in private - only public.