My Mosaic

[Snowie]

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better energy wise @Bow Hopefully the Vit B is helping. I take it too daily.

Hopefully your next inspection goes fine. If they were happy with the first one then I'm sure they'll be happy with the next one.

At least you don't have to worry about your pets whilst you are away. One less thing. Hopefully it all goes well this time too.

This is the second house my niece and her bf are house sitting. She is a nurse so can get work pretty much anywhere. Both houses have been in the same area so she's working at the local hospital. They are looking after two dogs.

Oh I hope D gets better soon and it's only a 24hr bug. They pick up so many things from school.

Have to take mum up the street tomorrow. Haven't seen her since Sat and she's complaining 🤦‍♀️Then she wants m to write Christmas cards for her since she can't write properly anymore. So looking forward to it, not.

Am I right in saying that you are going to meet your new pdoc tomorrow? If thats the case I hope things go ok hon. I know how anxiety provoking that can be.

[Snowie]

Hey @Bow 

Leaving some 💕 for you hon, hoping this morning went ok

[Bow]

Hi @Snowie  thank you. And sorry I didn’t get back to you last night, had a rough night. 

my appointment with the new pdoc went ok. I was heaps anxious and it took a lot to get myself there this morning. And then my SW was running late, I ended up having to go in by myself, but I let the receptionist know that my SW was running late and asked if they could let her know I had already gone in and to let her come in. Thankfully she wasn’t too far behind me. 
But was able to tell him how bad things have been lately and he asked what has helped in the past. Unfortunately the only thing that has seen any lasting improvement was ECT. We talked about that for a little. He said that can be a more planned admission, but a circuit breaker admission has to go through the ED. He also mention TMD? That could be another option but there is an out of pocket cost. He said he would see if the public hospital has started it or will be in the near future. My SW was able to communicate a little more about how things have been for me which I wasn’t able to. 

gotta have my bloods done and he increased one of my meds. He talked a lot about meds, different one we could try and such. But said to let them know if I decide about an admission/ECT and when 

hope your day has been ok. 

[Bow]

I always question my decisions. Doubt the choices that I make. Second guess everything. What if it’s wrong? What if I make the wrong choice and stuff things up even more? I can’t trust myself. I don’t trust myself. Even if it feels right, it could be wrong. Even if logically it will be ok, it will help, it will be right, the screams that come from within are deafening.

I thought I was doing the right thing that night. My eating disorder was still pretty new and the overwhelming screams of my body wanting, needing nourishment but my ED saying no. I needed to get outside of my head. It was a nice evening so I thought I would just go for a stroll. Most of the park was well lit but I stupidly chose to sit down for a bit on a bench in the dark. I thought I would be ok. Thought just a change of scenery would help. Some fresh air. A distraction.

But now I feel sick. All those thoughts, all those choices, what I thought would help, what I thought was ok to do, it all change everything that night.

Stupid girl. Should have known better. It was late. It was dark. I was alone. Idiot. You got no one to blame but yourself.

maybe someone can make sense of this mess? Or relate?

[Eve7]

I can relate @Bow and maybe we were in the wrong place at the wrong time but that doesn’t make it our fault. We should be able to sit on a park bench and be safe no matter what time of day it is.

The perpetrator was the one at fault not you hon. Sending gentle hugs 🫂 

[holdinghope5]

Dear @Bow , unfortunately your above posts were removed as they did not meet guidelines around recovery-focused posting. Please review guidelines before posting again. 

[Snowie]

I'm so proud of you @Bow for going into your appt this morning, especially without your SW at the start. You should be proud of yourself hon. That took a lot of courage.

I'm glad you were able to speak to him about how things have been.

I know the feeling when the only thing that seems to have helped is ECT. I'm still having it.

I'm happy to talk to you about it if you need.

Perhaps an increase in one of your meds can help even a little.

I'm sorry things have gotten harder as the day has gone on. Am here if you need to sit/chat

[Snowie]

Hi @Bow 

Just leaving some 💕💕🫂🫂for you hon

Hoping today is a little better