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Daisydreamer||Last message about 3 years ago
How to post safely about self harm: A guide

Self-harm thoughts and actions are a part of many people’s mental health journey. This how-to-guide is designed to help you create safety for yourself and others when talking about self-harm.   If you are thinking about self harm, or have experienced self harm, we are here to support you. You are not alone.   Peer Support and Recovery Many people experience self-harm throughout their recovery journey, and too often it can feel like there are barriers or no safe places to talk about our experiences and seek support for the feelings, distress or situations that can lead to self-harm.   Here at SANE, we want to create a space to have these important conversations while also promoting a culture of respect, peer support and safety, which is why the boundaries and guidelines about posting about self harm are so important. This guide will support you to seek help from others who understand and have been there before, while also ensuring safety, respect and the wellbeing of all those posting and reading.   In online and anonymous peer support spaces like the SANE Forums, it's important to use safe language when sharing your story/experiences of self-harm, feelings or behaviours. In our last how to guide (How to guide: Create safety online when talking about suicide), we spoke about the importance of safe language. To recap, safe language is important because:   It allows others to feel capable and comfortable with providing you with support.   It can protect others from common triggers and help someone else who is sitting with thoughts of self-harm too.   Not sure where to start? Check out our community guidelines to get an idea of how to post about experiences of self harm.   How we talk about self-harm in the Forums is important for you, and for your fellow community members.     We are here to support you Sharing your story and being heard by others who understand can support our recovery journey. Here on the Forums, we also have a range of discussions to help you cope and use safe alternatives when you are thinking about self harm- there are lots of contributions from others who have experienced self harm before and can relate to what you are feeling. Looking for some tools to manage self harm? Check out our discussion here about alternatives to self harm, and distress tolerance.   How can I write about thoughts or actions of self harm safely in an online space?    1. Let the community know that you are safe and you are taking steps to manage your wellbeing: If you are posting about self-harm, and are safe/ not actively engaging in self harm at the moment, then include that in your post and let us know what strategies you are using to cope. Chances are, the strategies that you are using to stay safe might help someone else reading the forums.   This can sound like: “Today has been really difficult, and I’ve been thinking about self harm, but I am safe for now and will reach out to a helpline if I feel I need to”,  or “The self harm urges have been strong today, but I am okay and safe now. I am going to use distraction strategies”  Lots of people sit with thoughts of self-harm when they are experiencing distress. If you are feeling distress, or other big emotions and aren’t sure you can stay safe from self-harm, it’s time to log off the forums and access crisis support or use your distress tolerance strategies (you can read more about building resilience here).   2. Use safe language: Our words have power, and it’s important that we use trauma safe language when talking about self-harm on the forums. By trauma safe language, we mean being mindful of language to ensure it is not graphic, upsetting or triggering for others to read. This includes staying away from graphic detail including means or methods of self-harm, methods of eating disorders/methods of restricted eating, or descriptions of self-harm. Avoid mentioning methodsExperiences of self-harm, feelings or behaviours, are something many people experience in their mental health journey. Ensuring we are mindful of the experiences of others, and potential triggers or upsetting content is really important, which is why removing any method of self harm from posts to the forums is important.  Instead, remove the methods of self-harm and replace with more general statements. You can still get your story across without listing the method, which ensures it is safe for everyone to read. General statements might look like: “I think about ways to self harm sometimes”, “or “I self-harmed last night”. How to guide for talking about restricted eating or eating disorders (coming soon!)Talking about methods of restricting eating or eating disorders can also be graphic, so we encourage you to be mindful of how you talk about methods in relation to eating disorders too. We will make a separate how-to-guide for talking about eating disorders.   3. Use trigger warnings: Help other forum members make an informed decision about whether to read on by including a trigger warning.  You might add TW: self-harm/SH in your title, or include Trigger warning: mentions self-harm in the first line of your post   4. Let the community know what support you are looking for/what you need: You know what you need best, and letting others know what you need means they can provide more effective support to you when you need it most. For example, you might be looking for strategies to cope, a listening ear, validation you are not alone, or to hear from others who know what you are feeling from their own experiences.   Self-harm and thoughts of suicide: For many, engaging in self-harm and having thoughts of self-harm does not always correlate with thoughts of suicide or intent to end their life. While in a face-to-face setting it is easier for us to sit with and explore risk related to self-harm together, in an online forum setting it can be difficult to know this through reading a post and so it’s important to communicate if you are safe and what supports you are accessing.   I am posting safely about self-harm, and I am not thinking about suicide: If you are posting about recent self-harm, or thoughts of self-harm that you may act on in future, it’s important know that the SANE forums team may step in to check on you and encourage you to reach out to crisis supports or use distress tolerance strategies. This might include a post or email with referrals to supports you may wish to access.   If you are posting safely about past experiences of self-harm, it’s not likely you will receive an email from us.   There are times when the SANE Forums team may remove or edit posts to ensure that the content on the Forums stay safe for everyone. In these instances, you will always have the opportunity to edit your post and try again. Our moderators or peer workers will be in touch to let you know your post has been edited or temporarily removed.    I am posting about self-harm, but also mentioned thoughts of suicide If you indicate that you are unsafe and having thoughts of suicide or intent to end your life when posting to the SANE Forums, it’s important know that the SANE forums team may step in to check on you and encourage you to reach out to crisis supports. We made another post on creating safety when talking about suicide here, which you can look at for more information on the role of moderators and the SANE forums team in this situation, and the SANE Duty of Care.   As mandatory reporters at SANE, if a forum member tells us or indicates that they are in serious and imminent risk of harm and are planning to end their life now, then we do contact emergency services. This is an important part of ensuring the safety and wellbeing of those who access our services.    Note: We would only escalate to emergency services about self-harm if it were deemed to be life threatening, cause serious harm and there is an imminent plan with intent to end your life.  You can learn more about mandatory reporting here: How to guide: Create safety online when talking about suicide or check out our guidelines.    If you experience self-harm, or have in past, we are here to support you and to share new ways of coping with distress that can help support your wellbeing and recovery.   Summary Here are the key points:  We are a safe space to talk about self harm, seek support, and explore new ways of coping that can support your wellbeing and recovery How we talk about self harm is important in creating safety for you, and those reading along Using safe language, trigger warnings and letting the community know you are safe can help ensure you get the help you deserve, while also looking out for the community  SANE staff may reach out to ask if you are safe and offer referrals to crisis supports. We may also remove or edit posts that breach our safety guidelines around talking about self harm   You are also welcome to check out some of SANE's policies and how to guides for more information including our Privacy Policy, Community Guidelines and How to Guide to Stay Anonymous and Maintain your Privacy on the Forums.    Contact us: You can contact the SANE Forums team at team@saneforums.org if you have any questions or would like any further clarification. We are always happy to answer any questions you might have about how to post within the guidelines, and welcome your feedback!   

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Daisydreamer||Last message over 3 years ago
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Anonanonanon-84|New Contributor|Last message about 1 hour ago
Difficulty getting GP help for abuse and CPTSD

Hello, I’m just wondering if anyone here is from South Australia and knows some good alternatives to getting help for CPTSD, especially when it is related to DV? Both times that I have been to see a GP to get a mental health care plan in relation to DV (over 5 years apart) I have been medically gaslit about my experiences and pushed into a corner for whatever substandard assistance they think I need (or just as a token gesture to get me out of the clinic). I feel like unless you turn up with your head bashed in or unless you are married with children, you will not be taken seriously. It has been incredibly disappointing as both GPs were women and I assumed they would be understanding- or at the very least ask me a patient history that reflected symptoms of C/PTSD - but on both occasions, I was made to seem like I was wasting their time and making things up and that they have requirements for Medicare that they need to fulfil before they can give me a MHCP. I totally understand why boxes need to be ticked - but they only went off of face value and didn’t even bother to ask me about my symptoms or experiences. Most recently my abusive relationship ended with an incredibly traumatic event - but I didn’t have enough money to support myself so have had to keep pushing through at work to just survive but consequently having to try and handle / process the shock and trauma alone. Early on I did visit the Urgent Mental Health Care Unit and spoke to an amazing psychologist and peer support worker there. The psychologist was a male and I could not thank him enough for his validation and understanding. He set me up with help from Uniting SA who were also good at checking in with me and helping come up with a plan - but it is obviously only basic voluntary support for a limited time. My (ex)partner has also left me stuck in a position where I cannot access the EVP, but he has also not contributed to helping pay the rent or bills. Due to certain circumstances I am completely isolated at the moment - bar being able to go to work and at least see my colleagues there. But I do not get to go out and see friends or do much self care. So I have gone through an emotional roller coaster processing shock, then processing trauma, then falling into a dark abyss of grief and now I feel sick with anxiety and my brain is completely fogged up. I needed to have seen a mental health professional months ago, so am now desperate. i have contacted both Beyond Blue and Lifeline but found them to be pretty unhelpful in my situation. It seems all anyone can assist with is telling you how to pack a bag and make a plan - it is soooo hard to get psychological help for the effects(affects?)  of DV. 1800respect on the other hand have been absolutely amazing- I went into a bit of a mental breakdown/freeze mode after my recent GP experience and so called 1800 and the senior counsellor was amazing at staying on the phone with me until I felt better. She was so validating and supportive. i guess what I am trying to get at through my long winded post is my frustration that there are these small pockets of once-off help you can get when you are experiencing abuse - but to get validation or continued care from anywhere else seems impossible. And yet - victims are experiencing systematic trauma repeatedly over years. I’m at the point where I almost want to give myself a black eye just so that a GP might potentially take me seriously. i went onto SANE today hoping to ask these questions in the counsellor chat - but not realising it is only open on Monday to Friday. So I am wondering if anyone else out there has had a similar experience and how they managed to find adequate help. in particular- I would love to hear from people in Adelaide who have managed to find help here and if there are any recommendations for therapists with specialisation in DV and CPTSD. When I saw a psychologist years ago, she was lovely but I don’t think she was equipped to work with DV and I not only felt gaslit by the CBT exercises but also the amount of homework I had to do led to further abuse from my partner at the time. so yes - apologies for the long post. But please throw any and all suggestions my way. thank you Xx

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Kate20|Casual Contributor|Last message 1 day ago
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Manama|Contributor|Last message 2 days ago
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AntiWokeBloke|New Contributor|Last message 3 days ago
Grandkids in state care.

My 2 grandsons are in state care and the department unfairly took advantage of me as a person living with mental health in regards to placing children with family. I am the maternal grandfather,  raised my daughter on my own with a final order in the Family Courts of WA in 2007. Raised her with no issues untill she became a teenager . Dcp interferes unfairly and places her in a disgusting dive that was one of their other case files, where there was no rules and no school and no hygiene.  The department placed her there when she was 14. My daughter was 2 weeks away from completing her year 10 certificate. She never completed year 10 and proceeded to kick in the departments circles of ' dcp children' that she was introduced to. Oh may I add that the police brought my daughter back to me from the department care arrangements. My daughter meets a dcp raised kid who is 20 they have kids are using drugs and I never see them for years. Then the department takes the kids , write me off as an option and court proceeding begin without my knowledge and final orders are handed down. Now for the last 12 months I've been engaging with the department and I get one frisking visit of 1 hour in 12 months!! They are continuing to deny these boys relationship with their family line and over protective Narcissist and have discriminated against me hard and these boys are separated in state care when they should be together, with family . Thank you for listening. 

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Ella2687|New Contributor|Last message 1 day ago
Emotionally and Physically Drained

Evening All, Just feel like I need to get everything out and vent a bit. I'm struggling a bit at the moment with managing my work life and personal life. I'm currently going through a particularly heavy period of work and am working full days (working through lunch) if not more on top of this I am a mum to a 16 month old. My husband is currently away (been away for 1.5 weeks with another 1.5 weeks to go) so I'm doing everything on my own.  I just don't have any time to sit down and relax and i guess look after myself. I wake up, get ready, wake up my child and get them ready drive to childcare drop them off and then straight to work. Once work is finished I'm off to pick them up before driving home. If I leave work early enough I'll drop by the shops for food before pick up. Once home we eat, bath have a small play and then start settling. By the time they are settled and in bed it is generally 2130-2200 in which time I'm exhausted and just do my night time routine before going to bed. No breaks on the weekend either. The time when they nap is my opportunity to clean the house because I haven't had a chance to do anything during the week. Has anyone gone through anything like this? I just don't know how to feel in control again or feel like I have some me time. Struggling quite a bit and can't see any relief coming (I know there is in a week and a bit but it feels sooo far away) Anyway thank you for letting me rant a bit, at least I've got me thoughts out of my head.

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Db1|New Contributor|Last message 2 days ago
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LostintheWoods|Casual Contributor|Last message 4 days ago
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Blackcloud|Senior Contributor|Last message 4 days ago
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Bunniekins|Senior Contributor|Last message 6 days ago
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Gemini82|Casual Contributor|Last message 7 days ago
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