Acceptance is hard work

[NightFury]

@tyme!!!!! I missed you. 

I thought that maybe I'd done or said something wrong. 

How are you? I want to hear all the amazing things you've been up to? 

[tyme]

Oh dear! No no! You haven't done anything wrong! @NightFury  Not at all.

The last time I spoke you to, you were working through the recent challenging events. Then I took a week off and when I came online the few times, I only posted a few posts here and there. 

And I've been 'looking for' your posts so I'm glad I got to them!

I took a week off and went camping with the kids. They are on school holidays. The kids had fun. I wish it was warmer though, and the rain didn't help. But the kids still enjoyed it and wanted to stay longer. Put it this way, we got home on Friday, and on Friday evening, my sister alread booked the next camping trip. We are going in April for 6 days.

Tomorrow, I got invited out for lunch. Then I'll take the kids to the science museum and go to the beach with them. So that's my day tomorrow.

My house a tradgically messy. I took all my cricut stuff to make some things, only to realise the rubber rollers need replacing. So I've ordered the replacement pieces, but I don't want to clean the mess up until I've made what I want.

Enough of my blah blah blah... what's happening with you? You on holidays now?

[NightFury]

I think I'm crying tears of relief @tyme 

I've had a very emotional week, so this is probably just an outcome of that. I'm glad I haven't do anything wrong. I value our online connection and I'm glad to hear that hasn't gone anywhere. 

You went camping? Even though it sounds like it was cold, was it nice to get out in nature and just be? I remember many camping trips with my family, during my childhood, and many rain soaked adventures. It's those memories we hold onto. 

I've had a big emotional week, with lots of tears and meltdowns. It's been a real challenge. 

It was the last week of term, so routine disappeared and there was a lot happening at work. But like...to summarise...

- I had the real estate come in to do a routine check on the fire alarms.

- I broke and then really dodgily fixed my bed.

- It was my turn to cook lunch for a whole staff. 

- I had two interstate investors come through the house during after work hours, via video call with the real estate.

- It was my birthday

- I had bowls training

- yesterday, I physically crashed and even the basics took more energy than I had to give

- today I had a bowls practice match and found out I'll likely be selected to play in Div 2, when I was trying out for the premier league division (the highest division) 

- I reached out to the Uni for support and I've been granted two weeks extensions for my final two assignments and one-on-one support from my online student support person (who works as a mental health nurse) 

Tomorrow is the first day of the school holidays and it's my intention to do some study. I've registered to attend a couple of Recovery Group ZOOMs and I have a phone call with my student support person in the evening. 

[Jynx]

Lucky I copy-pasted them @NightFury cos I gotta head off! 

- If you apologised to your family, would anything change? 

- Do you think your family see you the same way you see yourself? 

- If you had to sacrifice your true self to fit into their box, would their approval be worth what you lost?

Please be gentle with your lovely self, chat to you next time 💜

[AuntGlow]

Hello lovely @NightFury!!

I am so sorry for my delay, I have had a couple of days off. 

How are you feeling today? I can see it's been quite a big week for you... I am very glad to hear you have school holidays this week. 🤩

PS: How was your birthday? 

[NightFury]

Hi @AuntGlow glad to see you here! You mentioned having some days off, I hope you're okay?

My birthday was okay. The night before, I had a big meltdown with lots of tears, but the day itself was okay. It was a busy one, being the last day of term, but it was nice to go out for dinner with my family after work. I had a really heavy, down, lack of energy kind of day on the Saturday afterwards. 

Things have been hard, and I'm frustrated with it. 

Yesterday, I worked on and off on my study and had a call with my student support person, who encouraged me to submit my draft to him for feedback. So, this morning, I worked a little more on my assignment and sent the draft through to him. 

I'm dealing with a lot of thoughts and feelings around my studies and how I'm needing extra time and extra supports. I feel like...it's just another example of something I'm failing at.

I got news yesterday that my EAP counsellor is away for four weeks from tomorrow. We had an appointment scheduled on Thursday and she needs to reschedule. She won't be back until November and that's gotten to me a little. 

Today, I'm feeling anxious. I've also done myself a mischief and somehow pulled some muscles in my neck, so I'm sore and feeling a bit sorry for myself. 

[AuntGlow]

Lovely to see you toooo @NightFury, 

I have just been so bloody exhausted! I think it might be that time of the year, you know?

I understand, birthdays bring up so much emotion and I know this was an extra vulnerable one for you. It's so nice to hear that you saw your family - please tell me you got birthday ice cream cake!!

Totally hear you on the frustration front... so much has been happening for you, but you've handled it all so well and with so much grace. 💛

Ah, good on you! Small steps seem to be helping? And someone to keep you accountable/support you in going at your own pace. 

Not at all!! Honestly, I am finding all the things I am doing hard to manage right now as well - so you're not alone. 

That makes sense, knowing your supports have shifted would be hard... who else do you have to turn to right now? And when will you see your Scottish friend again?

Ow, that sounds so painful... I am not making this about me but I also have pains in my body that keep recurring and making things feel harder. Basically, I am sharing so you know you're not in this alone!!

You're allowed to be impacted by this and it's all really tough, especially all at once. 

Is there one loving thing you can do for yourself this week? 🥰

[NightFury]

I can relate to feeling exhausted @AuntGlow I hope you're taking time to rest and to take care of yourself. 

I brought myself a birthday cake - not an ice cream cake - but it's still in my fridge, hardly touched. I haven't really felt like it.

Small steps with the study is helping, yes. At the moment, I'm trying to focus on one thing at a time. Now that I've submitted a draft for my assignment, I can start on this week's course content. When I get the draft back, I can tweak it and submit it, then start working on my final assignment. That's the plan anyway.

I don't have anyone else. It doesn't matter. I'm just...feeling pretty alone in this. I don't know and it doesn't matter. 

I have plans to catch up with my friend on the 9th, so next week. She's going to do a tarot reading for me. 

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing aches and pains too. It makes things feel extra hard and makes you feel even more restricted. I hope you can find some respite from them.

[tyme]

Hey @NightFury ,

There's so much on your plate! No wonder you feel exhausted!

Cooking for a whole staff event is NOT an easy feat!

I hope you get to put your feet up a little because it's the school holidays. You deserve it. Or do you have to catch up on your studies during the school holidays?

[AuntGlow]

Thank you @NightFury 💛

Hey, that's okay. Maybe you can revisit a cake to celebrate a random day when it feels right? 🥰

I actually bought some frozen yogurt from Woolworths that was ice cream cake flavoured and I thought of you! hehe 

It's a really wonderful study plan. I honestly am in awe of how much you are taking on - so know that it's okay for it to be hard! You're doing really well. 

You definitely have us? 🫶

Ah, that sounds lovely. What a beautiful way to connect. I wonder if you can do a virtual one for us? 👀

How are your pains feeling today?