Acceptance is hard work

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow I know. I know you're busy. It's okay. 

Hi there @Till23 not long now hey? How are you?

[Till23]

Hi @MissinTooth I know you are having a bit of a difficult time at the moment, and I don't want to make you feel any worse. So I'm reticent to say anything. I also just watch Four Corners on ABC which was about MH care I NSW. I am so anxious I feel sick, but at the same time I feel overwhelmingly tired. I kind of feel like pulling out and staying here where it is kind of safe. I have kept preparing though and will do a final repack tomorrow morning.

[MissinTooth]

@Till23 I hear you on the overwhelmingly tired. It's really hard to move past that state. I know. I'm right there with you. 

I just want to say though - a change of scenery, seeing new places, meeting new people - as anxiety ridden as it is - will create new neural pathways for you. I know it's hard and scary, but pulling out now, when it's within your grasp...will be harder for you. I know you'll beat yourself up over it. 

You've got this and we've all got you if and when you need. 

[Till23]

Yeah @MissinTooth the tiredness is pretty full-on and I just feel I have to be awake enough to make sure I don't forget or miss anything important. Like some money or things like that!

Absolutely, the benefits of going are immense and you would think that would be enough to shift my mood up a notch or two. I was doing some reading a couple of nights ago and I did start to feel a bit excited.

I just checked in for the two flights I need to get to the first destination which is where the event will be.

I agree pulling out now would have a lot of detrimental effects so I will put one foot in front of the other and get myself there. I think I will be okay once I've done the final pack tomorrow. I've got notes everywhere reminding me to do things!

I will be leaving a very messy house behind as I haven't got through my ironing and a few other tidying things I wanted to get done. The outside of the house is good though and I gave my neighbours my letterbox key today. I will just have to cope with my house being untidy. Nobody should find out

[MissinTooth]

@Till23 meh, the housework will still be there when you get back. 

Travel safely and remember to take deep breaths and to find quiet moments for yourself. Thinking of you! 

[AuntGlow]

Good afternoon @MissinTooth, 

Yes - everything! haha

Oh wow, I am so glad you had this experience, that must have felt so good for you. 🥰

It's okay that you didn't divulge everything straight off the bat - taking sharing slowly is okay, and it can help us to avoid flooding the nervous system. But I think this shows that next time you will be ready to share more, which is amazing!

You deserve safe people. 

I get that, it seems like this was a really big moment for you. Have you practiced any self-care since? And have you had conversations or connection with them at all?

That's okay, I am glad you listened to your body here. Where did you notice your mind was drifting off to?

I'm so proud of you for booking in the MHCP appointment! This is so exciting. I know it's scary and confronting, it's a lot to look at our history and how it's impacted us. But I think you are really brave for doing so, and I genuinely believe you will see so much shift when you have a regular safe person to share with. 

Ah yes, that is a lot... what is the most important thing you need to get done today? 

And how did the group go? Sometimes I pop into those. ☺️

Yay! So glad to hear it. Do you have any thoughts or reflections from watching her work?

I will have more time and space to chat today, so yes! 💛

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow I'm still at work and, about to go into a staff meeting but will try and reply to what you've sent me...because I really need to talk to someone today. 

I haven't really had a chance to practice self care and won't have. I have to push this week and I hate it. I have my niece to look after, after work three days this week and a big assignment to work on, due on Sunday and this week is going to be a challenge. I am already struggling. 

When my mind was drifting, it wasn't drifting off to anywhere. I was just spacing out and staring into space and couldn't really think of anything or feel anything other than exhaustion and maybe frustration. 

The group - I was there, but I was kind of absent. I was studying in the background, cooking dinner etc. I tuned in some of the time. I like how they're casual and not so...overloaded with information. They're relaxed. 

@AuntGlow I am actually a little worried about myself today. I woke up and my thoughts aren't wonderfully kind. I just feel really ashamed of myself and I don't know how to unpack that. I'm just sitting in it. 

[AuntGlow]

@MissinTooth Absolutely - here for you whenever you need, whenever you have the time, okay?

I would be overwhelmed with all of that too. It's like the mind goes, 'ahh, this is too much at once!' and kind of shuts down. What is the one thing you need most right now?

Yes, the groups are really relaxed and meet you where you're at - there's never any pressure either, which I think is good for you right now. 

I am with you, that would feel so uncomfortable - shame is a very all-encompassing feeling. How did you feel after the exercise Rav3n gave you? Did it illuminate anything for you at all? 

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow I'm home now from work and I have my niece here with me. I'm trying to just put on that happy face. 

I don't know what I need right now? Someone to be gentle with me? If that makes sense. I'm not being very gentle on myself right now. 

It was a good exercise. I need to talk about what's set me off...but I don't know if it's okay to do here. I don't want to get in trouble. 

[AuntGlow]

@MissinTooth It's so hard to be fully present with people when we feel vulnerable, isn't it? Maybe you don't have to put on a happy face at all times though? Maybe it's okay to be where you're at and model a healthy relationship with all emotions? 🥰

I understand... I think you deserve lots of compassion, but it is really hard to do that for ourselves. 

Hmm, let's explore it now and I can let you know? You're allowed to share your feelings and experiences, so you can say that I encouraged you! haha 💛