Acceptance is hard work

[MissinTooth]

@tyme I feel like I've let you down...I'm disappointed and frustrated in myself

I had two days in a row, then last night...I was distracted and didn't do it. I woke up in about 1.30 am and I just...sank when I realised that I'd done it again - broke the streak. 

[tyme]

Hey hun @MissinTooth , it's not about disappointing me. It doesn't 'hurt' me if you don't do it. Remember, we were encouraging each other. You don't 'fail' because you miss a night or two.

In the past, if I said these things to myself, my therapist would ask, "Would you really say these things to a child you were looking after?" That is, would you tell a child they were a disappointment because they'd forgotten a task?

I'd encourage you to show yourself some compassion. As I mentioned before, look at how far you have come already!

[MissinTooth]

@tyme no, I wouldn't say it to a child in my care. I would probably find a way to make it accessible for them. Put in steps to help them be successful. 

[tyme]

I hear you have such a LARGE heart. Is it possible to show yourself some self-love too @MissinTooth ?

Once again, I hear it is so hard to do this and I'm speaking from experience. But I can also speak from experience that the more we dwell on unhelpful thoughts, the stronger they get in our minds.

For me, when unhelpful thoughts start budding, I nip them in the bud so 'carve' out a neural pathway in my brain which I want to further develop.

[AuntGlow]

Okay, this is really good because it is very specific! So, we know what to work with. @MissinTooth 🥰

Can you tell me some things that usually help you to feel grounded or provide a healthy distraction? 

[MissinTooth]

I don't know how @tyme 

I try and then fall back into the same thought patterns. I don't know how to show myself self-love, or how to stop those thoughts. They just build...particularly when I'm struggling. 

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow I'm just...I've identified that nights are really really hard and while I'm at work, I can do what I did today and force myself to go, to engage and eventually the SI take a back seat because my brain is so busy with other things. It's when I stop that I'm starting to feel unsafe, when the "I give up" starts to become loud. 

Things that help me to ground or to distract...

* Taking Luna for a walk

* Going to the beach or to the rainforest

* Having a hot drink. 

* Connecting to my senses is grounding

* drawing is a distraction

* colouring is a distraction

* listening to an audio book is a distraction

* maybe playing my Switch, but I haven't tried it (it's still packed in a box somewhere)

* chatting here (though this has been harder for me over the past week) 

[AuntGlow]

I understand this. Nights have always been the hardest for me too @MissinTooth. 

What are your thoughts on listening to podcasts, watching comfort shows, or trying out your switch of an evening? 

I know I am finishing up now, but we can continue this tomorrow - I will be back at 10am.

I think you have a really strong list here, but we can keep adding to it and create a self-care plan sort of thing. You're doing amazing, I am always so proud of you. 💛

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow I have the TV on in the background some nights, but I don't watch it that much....it's more...it's comforting to have other noise in the house. 

Maybe I'd feel more engaged if it was a podcast or playing my switch. I can give it a try and see how it goes. 

I will be at work when you start, but can reply on my breaks. I also have back to back appointments after work. I'm going back to the GP to get the results of my blood tests and talk about how the meds are going, then I have a phone appointment with my counsellor. It wasn't initially supposed to be that way. I had to change my GP appointment due to parent teacher conferences Tuesday and Wednesday. 

Thank you for your support. Good night @AuntGlow @tyme 

[AuntGlow]

I get that completely! That is why I think podcasts can be good, because they are so conversational. They've helped me to feel less alone, so I can definitely recommend. I like listening to ones about attachment theory, manifestation, or mental health in general. What topics interest you? ☺️ @MissinTooth 

Honestly, the switch sounds FUN. What will you play?

It sounds like you have a big day ahead, so it's completely fine to take your time. We can continue safety planning things over the weekend too. 💛