Acceptance is hard work

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow I listen to Mel Robbins, and I don't mind the Diary of a CEO, and Trent Shelton every now and then. I like the self-help/mental health podcasts. Then there's the mysteries, so like...Kindred Spirits is a ghost stories podcast and I also like those about spirituality, connection, and intuition. 

I don't know what I'll play. I don't even remember what games I've got. I like the Role Play/Fantasy games and then the old school 90's games like Sonic and Crash and Mario. 

I'd like to continue safety planning over the weekend (if you're around) because I need something workable, something I can use. 

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow I don't know if you're still here, but my GP appointment is in half an hour, and I'm so anxious. My belly feels like it's all knotted up and churny. Trying to take some deep breaths, but...it's not really making a difference. 

[AuntGlow]

That's okay. I am here. Would you like to tell me 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste? @MissinTooth ❤️

[AuntGlow]

Hello lovely @MissinTooth! I will be leaving soon, but know that I am thinking of you. Will be back on Sunday and we can chat more then. Have a think about what is missing in your care plan, and if it feels okay, maybe you could do some journalling for 5 minutes about what your heart needs most right now? ❤️ 

[MissinTooth]

@AuntGlow I'm sorry, I didn't reply. 

I've had back to back appointments this afternoon. I've just got off the phone with my counsellor. I would like to continue safety planning with you on Sunday. And I can try journalling...I just need to take a breath and let things settle after work, and then some big appointments. 

[MissinTooth]

@tyme are you here tonight? I don't know who's here, I'm sorry. 

Can you sit with me? 

[Ru-bee]

Hey @MissinTooth Tyme is around tonight but is generously helping out our groups team for the next little bit. I'm around though, what's going on for you at the moment?

[MissinTooth]

@Ru-bee thank you for replying.

I am exhausted this week. I'm exhausted tonight. I've had a follow up GP appointment this afternoon, and a call with my counsellor and we talked about some things that were hard. I needed to talk to someone, I needed to get it out and be heard, and to feel safe being heard, but I feel...the feels now. Or at least, I want to feel the feels. 

It's like...my body is trying to feel them. I have that, I want to cry feeling in my throat, but I can't and I'm struggling with that at the moment - the disconnection and we talked about that tonight. I'm not...comfortable. It feels...strange. 

We talked about how...my nervous system is in shut down. It's overwhelmed and has shut down to protect me, which is where that...numb, disconnected feeling comes from. It's just a hard space to navigate. 

[tyme]

Well done on making it through today @MissinTooth ,

It sounds like things were also tough today too. How are you feeling after this GP appointment? I'm hearing there was significant insight?

What are you doing now to look after yourself?

[MissinTooth]

@tyme I'm almost through the day...

The GP appointment was okay...

I got the results of blood tests. My iron is high. She asked about haemochromatosis and if there's a history of it in my family. I don't really know the answer to that, but she wants to monitor it to make sure that it doesn't rise further because it could damage my liver. 

We reviewed the medication. I talked to her about how it's changed my apetite and eating is a dysregulated thing for me at the moment. We talked about my sleep....I have to go back and have a small procedure done in the second week of the school holidays and she wants home work - she wants to hear about one thing I was excited about during the holidays and 1 thing that was boring. She also wants me to do this self test that's been sitting in the bottom of my drawer since the first appointment. I've been putting off doing it. It makes me uncomfortable...

I've just had a shower because it's one of the strategies that helps me to soothe and I'm going to wrap myself in my weighted blanket and become one with the couch!