Skip to main content

Re: Running

TW: ritual abuse

Content/trigger warning
Halloween is the most evil day of the year for me, one that calls the darkness from the spiritual realms into our minds and celebrations. It's a day where the rituals were more powerful and the dark arts more potent. It was a day I did and still do dread.

To have been wished a "happy Halloween" is to wish the satanic rituals I endured to happen and to enjoy them. There is nothing happy about Halloween. 

How many times was I involved in the most horrific and damning rituals on this day? How many scars do I have because of this day? How many little ones left this world on this day? 
Too many

The dark images and sensations that overwhelm my body and mind right now is too great a number. 
I'm still shaking dreadfully

I feel my poetry will be dark tonight

 

Jynx
Peer Support Worker

Re: Running

@avant-garde sometimes we need to embrace the dark so we can remember how we found our way out of it, so we might re-embrace the light with a deeper gratitude or renewed perspective. It's okay to reach out for a reassuring gesture to help us when we're really deep in it tho 💜 And also wanna acknowledge how isolating it is when the majority around us are celebrating the very thing that is causing us pain. Like a burning sting we must grin through.

 

Poetry is one of my most powerful ways of expressing the enormity of my feelings. I think it also helps me to really feel them, and move through them so that they move on and out of my body. I hope the words flow freely for you, and the emotions with them. 

Re: Running

@Jynx 

Then the flashbacks knock us for six in the midst of writing...

Jynx
Peer Support Worker

Re: Running

@avant-garde hello hun, how are you travelling today?

Re: Running

@Jynx 

My body has all this feeling that is threatening to overwhelm and I'm scared of what memories the feeling holds 

Re: Running

@ENKELI...

 

You believe in this stuff when no one in my physical life does, but I trust you to be gentle in your response...

I think... no... I know it was the enemy spiritually attacking me yesterday and today... the memories were of that nature... and then I prayed like I haven't in a long time and it's gotten easier

Jynx
Peer Support Worker

Re: Running

@avant-garde totally understandable for it to be a terrifying prospect... do you feel safe enough to feel your feelings, or are you needing to disengage from them?

Re: Running

@Jynx 

 

I think the memories have settled into their vials now to deal with the emotions associated with them... I just don't like being alone when dealing with them...

Jynx
Peer Support Worker

Re: Running

@avant-garde it is hard, hey. Living alone has had many benefits for me - having to deal with my meltdowns and intense emotions alone has not been one of them. 

 

May only be virtual, but I send hugs 😊

(づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

Re: Running

It was horrible... it was torturous and wrong and I don't understand! I don't understand! How could he! How could he!

 

TW: strong language, ritual abuse

Content/trigger warning
He was my dad! and he [omitted] his grandchildren!

I was his daughter! His daughter! But I was worse than nothing to him! To do *that* to my children! To so willingly give them over to the dark satanic forces of hell! And to tell me it was God's will! It never was! It never was!

It never saved them... God did that... not the actions of a corrupt insidious monster...

Then there was me... that he put me through so so many rituals in the guise of Christianity... this daughter... me... he handed me over to the same death he did my little ones... that he played god in my life... and somehow I wasn't worth saving...

@Jynx