@avant-garde I understand your feelings of wanting a home of your own, children, a job. While I was blessed to have been able to have my own home (I just paid my mortgage out a couple of weeks ago) I didn't realise the hard work that goes in to having a house - I let a family member live in it while I was supporting ex friend and no maintenance was done so when I moved back a couple of years ago I am now stuck with thousands of dollars of repair work that needs to be done. Fortunately that family member will be paying for the repairs but it was upsetting to see the amount of work that my poor little neglected house needs.
I am 56. I will never have my own children and that is one thing I fight God with. My life certainly would have been different and sometimes I'm glad for the way it's been, other times not so much. As I age I wonder who is going to look after me like I look after my mum when she needs help.
I am also unemployed and while I have experience I don't have a great record as the last 3 workplaces were so toxic that I was either forced to resign or was bullied and fired. My exemption expires in a week and I am scared about finding a job.
The reason I share this is because I know exactly how you feel. The feeling of worthlessness, hopelessness that is caused by other peoples' actions can sometimes be debilitating. I am trying to lean on God more but it's not always easy. We can't help but compare ourselves to others the same age as we are.
I hope you are finding a little peace this afternoon my sweet girl xo
