Hey @Sharni-lea ,
It's tough. BPD is a roller coaster of a condition.
For me, it was having a distorted understanding of the world and because of this, every emotional bump could send me to another level.
Therapy and a desire for change is what ultimately made the difference. I had to continue to work on thinking in a different way so that myh way of thinking turned to be helpful instead of harmful. In the past, if someone looked at me, I could be triggered into self-harm and destruction. Then again, if someone didn't look at me, it'd also send me to SH and destruction. There was simply no rule book for me to give anyone for the way I behaved.
At the same time, I was the most open, sympathetic, intelligent and helpful anyone could have. This is where the confusion lay. I was so capable, yet so bound up. I was either fiercely independent or totally co-dependant at the same time. Life on the borderline was ALL or NOTHING. It was BLACK or WHITE with no shades of grey...
Check this resource out. You may be able to ask all the BPD questions during these online sessions: https://www.spectrumbpd.com.au/education-training/training-for-the-community
Spectrum was where I got my therapy from a number of years ago. They are a BPD and trauma specialist and one if its kind.
Through having BPD, I've learnt what matters to me in life. I've learnt that I can't be a people-pleaser. I've learnt that life is about give and take, and COMMUNICATION is vital.
I'm still learning.
