@WinterSun , I heard from my estranged child today, via email. They have taken three weeks to process our last contact and they were not sure how to "reach out" to me (and I've gotten to hate that term because of them and their condescending use of it in my vain attempts to actually connect with them).
They have given me an interpretation of what they think I meant/said... all of which was wrong. It seems that they feel the compulsion to read things into what I say and do that are not there.
They also set down their boundaries, yet again... in a (so-called) kind and caring manner. So I set my boundaries again, too, and pointed out to them that I have always had boundaries but they have chosen not to respect mine, but insist that theirs are adhered to, to the letter.
Although I remained civil, I spoke my truth and reminded them that their respect for our boundaries have - until now - been non-existent. I also expressed my wish to communicate with their actual self, rather than feeling like I am talking to their spouse, who despises me (despite having had less than a working week's contact with her in nine years... because she never wanted to have anything to do with our family, other than to have us all in one room and gaslight us all, simultaneously... just to see how far she could control us... and she has had us all under her pale, pudgy thumb. Hey, it got her Australian citizenship, in due course (she's now the citizen of three countries... and I can't help wonder why she has left those other two countries... maybe she has burned too many bridges there?).
But enough of my blathering. As for your friend being on tenterhooks, waiting for that devastating knock on the door, I am in the same situation really. Although my child does not appear to be suicidal, they are depressed and suffering from other signs of narcissistic abuse. My fear is that he will either harm himself, commit suicide, or drop dead through exhaustion and having lost the will to fight for "she who must be obeyed" to treat them with the respect they deserve (I truly hate addressing my child as a collective, but I still respect their wishes as much as is practicable).
But I may not get the knock on the door. For, should something happen to him (even just hospitalisation) I doubt that "she who must be obeyed" would even let us know. My child could be dead for years and I may be none the wiser... especially since communication with him is extremely limited and even my texts requesting a verbal audience with them may not be answered for a few weeks and seems to be becoming even less frequent.
I feel for all those in this wretched kind of situation. One of the big problems is that people do not seem to be afforded the luxury of expressing their own sorrows... this includes my younger son. I asked him, after responding to the estranged child, about his own suicide attempt, some 10 years or so ago. He still says he cannot explain why he did what he did. I don't believe him, because we all know why we do things, regardless of the foolishness behind it... and no-one likes admitting to being foolish, either.
Maybe I'm getting payback for being a less-than-perfect child, myself? But I at least spent many hours over the course of many years apologising for my youthful stupidity, and at least tried to make amends with my parents while I still could. And I was there to carry out the last possible kindness one human being can do for another... I helped to fill in their graves.
Until such time as my errant child makes a concerted effort to show that they "get it", they are not welcome at my burial. As I put it to them, "You have shown that you have not respected me while I'm alive so please do not attend my burial, pretending to pay respect to me after I'm dead."
I am at a loss to offer any kind of comfort, and am awaiting my account to be deleted. Again, I am taking more than I can give in return and ask your forgiveness for my shortcomings ❤️❤️❤️
