Today is hard. I feel so sad and numb.
I think its been too much quitting the cannabis (21 day off the medical cannabis), 9 days sober from alcohol and receiving a borderline personality disorder diagnosis in the same month.
I’m been on a mood stabiliser for a week now, and just started a depression/anxiety medication this morning. I was on an opioid but it has been cut right back due to the addictiveness of opioids - which I totally get and do not want to form a reliance on another drug, but I’m scared I’ll go back to the cannabis for that quiet mind feeling without the opioid - but I guess I need to trust my doctor and have faith in the other medication so that in time i will feel more emotionally stable and there will be no need for opioids at all.
Traveled to Bali and on our 3rd last day I got up to go to the toilet at our hotel and the air con had been leaking and I slipped on the tiles and face planted as my knee dislocated.
I’ve been rocking a black eye for the past two weeks and waiting till the 26th on an ultrasound to get my knee looked at but in constant pain, so I’m also taking pain killers just to be able to walk and function daily. 😔
It’s just all a lot, the detoxing, physical
pain and mental anguish all in one.. my moods are all over the place.
Tuesday was a good day and then yesterday and today I’ve just felt so empty and alone.
I know it’s a bad day not a bad life.. just struggling a bit today and wanted to share.
I hate feeling sad or angry all the time and the more I learn about BDP the more it makes sense but some days i feel like I’m drowning and can’t paddle and I’m beginning to understand why I have smoked and drank so much - , it’s to escape and to numb the pain and shut the 1263527283 tabs open in my brain all the time ❤️🩹
just feeling so lost and alone right now and all over the shop like I’m on a rollercoaster that never ever slows down.
All i want to do is drink to numb my mind and feel peace for just even a minute.
