Hello everyone

[Truffle]

Like anything new, the first step is the hardest. I'm a 53 year old male and suffer depression and anxiety for quite a while now. Never been tempted to end it but lately have wondered the " what if " on certain occasions. Like i have just had surgery and i thought " what if" it goes wrong and i don't survive. After the surgery i had a heart scare and again i thought " what if" my heart doesn't get back to normal. Everything seems to put panics streams through my body, increased heart rate, shaking, nervous. Bo matter what i do i doesn't get any easier. I moved to a smaller property for less maintenance but the closeness of neighbours gets me all anxious. I know people just live their lives but to me they are all arrogant and selfish for not respecting my peace. Really unsure which way to turn now, seems i been down every road and of them leads to the same place, a dark place i don't want to be in anymore.

Anyway, if someone else feels like this it would be a start to talk i suppose.

[justanotherguy]

Hi @Truffle , is there something non-harmful you could try? Like music, meditation, or light exercise? I find these things help a lot with nervousness and anxiety.

[Jynx]

@Truffle Hey welcome to the forums. Glad to have you with us, it can be really hard to reach out in a new space like this, so good on you for making that choice. 

Sounds like you're really struggling at the moment, and those kinds of 'what if' thoughts are an experience I think many of us on the forums are pretty familiar with. And they can be scary! They are also a pretty common response that many people have when they're going through rough times. 

There are a number of helplines that we can recommend to help support you in this, e.g. some are crisis lines with trained mental health professionals who can talk you through those types of thoughts:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat 

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling 

Samaritans: 135 247 

If in immediate danger: 000

You can also get in touch with SANE's Drop-in service, they're an amazing bunch who are always happy to listen and sit with you through the rough moments - 1800 187 263. They're available 10am-10pm Mon-Fri.

I hope you find what you're looking for here on the forums. You can always go pop into some other threads to see what others are talking about. I will also tag one of our fabulous Community Guides, @Shaz51 who can help welcome you as well 😊

[Truffle]

Hi, i try music as a distraction sometimes but just doesnt seem to work, i find myself hiding away in a room trying to block out the outside world, just sometimes waiting for the day to end so another can begin, hopfully this time differently.

[Truffle]

Thanks for the reply, gave beyond blue a try once but couldnt feel any different. Trying to be brave enough to contact lifeline.

[Shaz51]

hello and welcome @Truffle 

my husband has been diagnosed with many things and he goes through thinking like "why" and "what if "

like yesterday he questioned everything he has done with "why"

have you got a coping toolbox ? 

one thread to look at is called Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope ) 

and Our coping toolbox 🧰        to click onto for some great ideas 

after yesterday my husband is playing you tube clips and having music therapy nice and loud today 

what things do you like  

letting you know that you are not alone and we have lots of threads explore , i can tag you to some of them if you like 

@Jacques , @TAB , @Bill16 

[justanotherguy]

Hi @Shaz51 , gald to hear Mr Shaz is letting out some frustrations with music, I know it sounds immature but sometimes a song will speak to me in a way nobody else can.

[Shaz51]

that is very true @justanotherguy , i agree with that 

how is your day going today 

[justanotherguy]

@Shaz51, music CDs, cruising the internet, a rest day, even though I'm not working full time trying to keep the weeks as 'normal' as possible.