Lonely and struggling

[Lucy27]

I am about to turn 27, i have been diagnosed with so many different disorders and been put on so many different medications. I regularly speak with a psychotherapist and am participating in a DBT program. i cannot stop thinking about suicide, I have no friends, i have no one in my life that understands me. I have family but they are too burdened by my depression and they have their own things going on. They want to help but they cannot, they have tried but connecting with them always ends in an argument. I struggle every day, i struggle to get out of bed and go to work, i go home crying and cry every day praying for my life to end. I am 27 and dont have a single friend, ive tried so hard but cannot maintain friendships or relationships, as soon as people discover how depressed I really am they dont want to know about me, i have to hide who i really am. I am desperate for friendship and intimacy, i am desperate to have closeness and I would love to have my own family but the reality is I would never want to pass on this mental illness to a child. I dont know how i can connect with people and hide this to maintain friendships. 

[EmpoweredPath]

@Lucy27 It's important to remember that you're not a burden. Everyone goes through tough times, and it takes strength to keep going. I believe in you and your ability to overcome challenges.

Purpose

You mentioned that you've been struggling to get out of bed and go to work. It's important to find something that excites you and motivates you to start your day. If you had unlimited time and freedom, what would you be doing? It's important to identify your 'why' and have a sense of purpose. Without a clear purpose, it can be difficult to find the motivation to do anything. Remember to never lose hope, because hope is a powerful motivator. As long as you have hope, you can achieve anything you desire in life.

Identity

It's important to reflect on your self-perception and the identity you project to others. How you see yourself is often reflected in how others perceive you. You mentioned that when people discover your depression, they tend to distance themselves from you. This could be due to the energy you're projecting. By focusing on improving your mindset and shifting your self-perception to a more positive one, you can attract better opportunities for forming meaningful relationships and friendships. Offering value to others and radiating positive energy can make you more attractive to people. Conversely, if you continue to hold on to negative and desperate feelings, you may repel others. Remember that people are drawn to positive energy, so it's important to prioritize self-care and continue working on yourself.

Authenticity 

You mentioned your desire to start a family, which is a wonderful goal. It's admirable that you want to work on improving yourself before taking on this responsibility. Remember that it's okay to share your struggles and challenges with others, as long as you approach it from a place of strength and resilience. By sharing your experiences and what you've learned, you can inspire and motivate others. It's important to be authentic and connect with others in a genuine way. Being true to yourself is what truly attracts people. Your willingness to share your story here on this forum is a great example of this. As you form relationships in your life, continue to approach them positively and authentically. Don't feel like you have to apologize for who you are or hide any part of yourself to make others like you. If you have to pretend to be someone you're not in order to be with someone, it's not a good foundation for a healthy relationship.