Lived Experience Forum

[Louise91]

I'm a 32 year old female and for me in my early 20s I felt I was still young and there was hope as everyone was trying to figure out dating around me. Then people started moving into relationships but I have stood alone and have been rejected in every possible encounter. After 8 years of online dating I have a few rare short term relationships but I have been scarred mentally from the rejection and feel i have lost motivation in life in general. Having bpd/hsv is hard enough let alone the rejections over and over.
I even have guy friends rejecting me when i'm not interested just so I know for sure they arn't.
Can anyone relate? 

[hanami]

Hi @Louise91 

It sounds like you're feeling pretty down about dating and your self-esteem in general. It's understandable given you've had such bad luck with online dating. I'm a bit older and never got to experience dating via apps but can imagine how hard it is. In a previous post you mentioned concentrating on what you can control right now which is a really great idea. Friendships, work/leisure stuff etc. 

I'll put the details of our drop-in counselling line (email, phone, or webchat) if you'd like a more one on one kind of support. Here are the details https://www.sane.org/get-support/drop-in-service 

Take care

Hanami

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Louise91 

I am trying to separate my self esteem from dating or relationship success.  I am pretty old now ... and used to hope and worry about the loveability and beauty aspect, but have finally established more security within my inner self that I do not need from outside.  Of course lovely relationships are lovely, and on the one hand I would love to be in one, but reality is wot it is.

Go well within yourself

Apple

[Eve7]

Aww @Louise91 I am sorry you haven’t met that “special one” for you. 

Do you join groups where you might meet someone in real life? Don’t give up hope yet…you are still young and I know that might not help but it’s true. 

Welcome to the forums 💚

[Louise91]

Thank you! I do yes I have no problems making friends just a romantic partner seems impossible. It's hard to as I don't feel anyone relates often single by choice. I'm not sure how to heal from the rejection from over the years, I feel it's made me feel so low about myself.

[Louise91]

Thanks for your reply, yes I think that's may be what I have to do. I can't change the fact men arnt attracted to me in that way so the best I can do is just try to keep healthy

[Louise91]

Thanks heaps! Yes it's really made me feel that I have no motivation In life abd broken as a person. I think as I don't have access to dbt I'm struggling. 

I sometimes wonder if I'm too far gone and have tried so much with psychologist and psychiatrists.

Being in my situation feels isolating too as others just don't have any where near my experience. 

Thank you for your support it means alot!