Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Mummabear76]

Hi all. New to this space and urgently need advice. My son is a long term sufferer of depression and never engaged with professional counselling or therapy despite lots of family encouragement. Over the last 6 months he has really declined. He has recently started lashing out at his partner and children. I took him out the other night for some time away from the house. Not a reward but more like an small intervention. He disclosed that he was previously diagnosed with a Mood Disorder. I had no idea. My initial research says that this is a kinder way of saying Biploar Disorder. True? He only took medication for this at one small petiod and ceased without medical assistance much to our disapproval.  I feel like I am watching his world fall apart from the sidelines and feel helpless. Any advice appreciated especially of how to not take on personal guilt. 

[tyme]

Hey @Mummabear76 ,

I’m sorry to hear how hard things have been. It’s hard when people are not willing to reach out. Have you asked him why he is hesitant to reach out? Unfortunately, unless a person is willing to seek help, it is near impossible to make any changes. 

It may be good to ask him what he ideally wants life to look like? Then, from there, work to map out how to get there?

Main thing is, does he acknowledge that something’s not right?

At the same time, remember your own self-care.

[Mummabear76]

Its his pride. He is also crippled by anxiety at times. Tries to deal with it himself but ultimately fails. I believe that i am really honest open and encouraging but this hasn't helped. He is also haunted by the choices and actions of his father before him which he now seems to have distorted in the back of his head. I too have acknowledged how brave he is to admit this and try to seek help but its the follow through and maintenance he cant sustain. However this time he has so much more to lose and i am truly scared for him. Of course i am here wondering what i couldve done differently or what more can i do now. My heart is breaking. He is the eldest of my 4 adult children. 

[Jasper_123]

Hi @Mummabear76 , I'm sorry to hear that your sons mental health has declined significantly in the last few months - He is lucky to have a Mumma like you to look out for him!

'Mood disorder' is an umbrella term that includes: bipolar disorder, cyclothymia, hypomania, major depressive disorder, disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, persistent depressive disorder, and premenstrual dysphoric disorder.   

I think it is important to establish some boundaries now, figure out how much you can help him. If he's at this level of fighting with his family and you're concerned the advice from mental health experts is to directly ask a person if they are suicidal (most people will answer honestly). 

It can be hard to see a loved one struggling in this way but remember that you need to look after yourself as well and that there is only so much you can do to help a person if they are not responding to help. 

[Healandlove]

@Mummabear76 , I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. 

I just wanted to say that as a Mum, please try not to wonder about what you could have done differently.  At the end of the day as carers there is only so much we can do. You are a loving, caring mum and your love for your son is clear. I really hope he has a wake up call and seeks the help he needs. 

Do you have a close relationship with his wife? Are you able to have a chat with her to understand what his behaviour has been like at home? 

It is very important you look after yourself though as all the worry and anxiety that comes when we see a loved one deteriorate mentally takes a toll on us. Sending you hugs and love. Please check in in this forum.  This is a lovely and supportive community ❤️