Any diagnosed germophobes or hoarders on this forum?

[Dimity]

Hello @Till23 

I guess it's reasonable to ask about procrastination on a hoarding thread. I'm also mindful of the feelings of the owner and participants in the thread.

Technically yes we procrastinate. We delay and postpone dealing with our accumulations and ongoing collecting and overspending.

@NatureLover I apologise if you read this and it is upsetting for you. I explain why technically it's procrastination but it's complex and doesn't feel like a choice for me personally. 

TRIGGER WARNING ,(it's not an option on my phone screen)

We also deal with depression and resonations of trauma and distress in contemplating and engaging with our stashes, and become avoidant. 

Depression and triggering mean decreased cognitive capacity and decisionmaking ability, and, if longterm, deskilling. I'm also aware of deficits in visualising ability and imagination.

When working through my stash I feel the need to proceed slowly and thoughtfully to process the upwelling memories, emotions and associations so the process is physically and mentally taxing.

And much of my stash is in heavy boxes I've been unable to lift or transport because of a longterm severe prolapse and recent surgery. I now have a lifetime limit of lifting no more than 10 kg and and a lifetime ban on heavy gardening. So I'll continue to have problems.

For me the storing and accessing of my stash are also associated with significant family relationship, accommodation and financial difficulties 

So yes I procrastinate.  And I can feel many of my somatic symptoms manifesting as I write.  have daily reminders of my situation as I look around,  as I look at the lists on my mood and activity tracker, as I write to-do lists, as I agonise over what to do to resolve my difficulties. These are ongoing and inescapable and can't be postponed at my convenience. So reflecting on my procrastination has been confronting.

[Till23]

Thank you for your thorough explanation @Dimity 

I was truly interested because I had an aunt who had diogenes syndrome and my father could possibly have been "diagnosed" as a hoarder. I worry that this could happen to me as I age, so am trying to avoid that situation. I have my father's things here as he lived with me at the end of his life. It is difficult for me to deal with his things.

I am sorry @NatureLover and @Dimity if my question has negatively affected you, or anyone else on this thread, that was not my intention.

Dealing with my own stuff is difficult for me, because I am "hanging on" to things from before the abuse, things my father gave me as a child (not a perpetrator) also having the keeping that just in case mentality. Because I have been financially poor in the past and if you have something now, then keep it, because you might not be able to afford it if you need to replace it (I have rationalised much of my just in case things). I have been very hard on myself when I can't manage to sort through my things, but your explanation has been helpful for me to understand the problem and maybe, even though I know I need to do it, I can give myself permission to go easier on myself.

So hard as it may have been to answer this question it has been helpful for me.

Feel free to chat if you are feeling vulnerable now

[Dimity]

@Till23 I hadn't heard of Diogenes syndrome but have helped someone with something similar. The pity of it is I couldn't get help for them as authorities said it was a lifestyle choice but years later they were diagnosed with a treatable neurological condition. 

I've also come from a background of little money. As a child some of my clothes were cut down from my mother's. In grades 2  and 4 teachers took exception and banned me from wearing something when actually I had nothing else. Our vegetables were home grown but one year we ran out of potatoes and my mother restricted herself to broth of vegetable peelings and carrot tops. Earlier when I had to give up a blanket to a younger sibling and mentioned the cold nights to my grandmother she cut down my grandfather's good winter coat to line a quilt for me and my grandfather was mortified.

Sorry to ramble. I haven't been well.

[Dimity]

@NatureLover I hope your stressful appointment went well  and you're home safely. 

Coffee? I didn't think of it. I think my friend wanted lunch  and computer help but I've been computer phobic for years. And I slept until 11.30. I'm not well at present, mentally or physically, but nothing I can really ask a doctor about, just general malaise. And yes I'm ashamed of the house. I'll try to do some tidying before I go to bed.

[Till23]

I don't think you are rambling @Dimity just sharing part of your story. When I was younger we were not poor. But when I was older I could sometimes only eat on the day if I had worked, slept in my car for a short while, so nothing too terrible.

It sounds like you're early life was quite difficult.

I am sorry to hear you are not well. You have been through a lot lately with hospital and physical ailments. It sounds like you maybe need to take a rest day and have a day of just doing things you enjoy and forget about chores.

I hope you have a good sleep tonight

[Dimity]

Not eating unless you had worked on the day and sleeping in your car sounds fairly dire @Till23 . I trust you have financial and housing security now. 

[NatureLover]

Thanks @Dimity and @Till23 , but I'm OK with talking about procrastination. I think for me it's also tied in with how strong I feel regarding decision making - the decisions needed to deal with mess and hoarded items. 

@Till23  I agree - I've been financially poor all my adult life, and the urge to keep an item so as not to have to buy it again is strong. 

@Till23 Can I ask if you were homeless? 😥

[NatureLover]

@Dimity  I totally agree that to declutter, I need to emotionally and mentally process every item, even a piece of paper, before I can let it go or even decide what to do with it. You're right, it's totally draining and taxing.

Sorry you're not well - even more so than usual, by the sound of it? 😥

The psychiatrist's receptionist rang and cancelled yesterday's hospital appt. It's been re-booked yet again, for June. But I was relieved not to have to go yesterday. Instead, I spent yesterday afternoon outside in the sun. It was blissful. 

That makes sense that you wouldn't want your friend over or to give computer help. 

Today I need to do lots of chores (including watering and raking), so I may not get to decluttering / tidying. 

Wishing for improvement for you, mentally and physically 🤞

[Till23]

Hi @NatureLover @Dimity - yes, that's why it's hard for me to tackle some aspects on my/dad's things because I have to make some hard decisions. I am lucky in that if I close off a few rooms, the rest of my house I am on top of and is clean and pretty tidy, I do sometimes get a few days/week of stuff build up if I'm "busy", but it's fairly quick to clear away. Just cleaned my bathroom for example and about to do my folding up and ironing of this weeks/last weekends laundry. Actually the sun is finally coming out so I might mow front lawn as well once it dries out a bit.

I have not have somewhere to sleep at night for a few days a couple of times, so maybe that is technically homeless I suppose, but I had places to store my things and it was sort of between proper housing. So compared to many people I'd say no. I think many teenagers/young adults have experienced that. Also that was decades ago. I now have stable housing and have done so for quite a while, although I often worry about the financial cost side. The other thing, I think, is that my parents were born before WW2 so they had rationing and learnt to make do, so they also kept possibly useful things, so it's kind of ingrained in me, but as I get older I realise I don't need all this wire or whatever.

[Till23]

It was only for short periods a long time ago @Dimity, now I'm lucky and can afford all the basic things, an occasional "luxury" and enough food and have stable housing, a car (although it badly needs replacing). Money is always at the back of my mind, especially having recently retired, and this currently unstable world, but the reality is probably not as bas as I sometimes worry