GEtting back to who I am

[MDT]

Many of you have been following my journey on the forums over these years.

I want to say thanks. 

I also want to try to post more reflective things here. This is why I have called this thread "getting back to who I am". It needs to become a reflective exercise. I think it'll be good. It'll be an outlet, one where I can create again. Like I used to. 

I am finding that I need that creativity too. So here is the best chance to do so. 

Wanted to post this video too - I came across it a while ago. By a while I mean years. I found it when I was in a spot of bother in my life. Listening to it now I have realised that no matter what happens, you'll find that there are things on the journey that throw you about and you wind up somewhere that's different to what you expected but at its base, at its root, it is still the same thing you wanted initially. It's just that it looks different

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNl916LJSY8

The video is great. Like this little girl, who has the postcode of her destination... I once had a postcard of a destination and now I have arrived at the station. What I expected is very different. But it's still, at the basic level, the same. Maybe that is all that matters in the end. 

I'm over tormeting myself with hypothetical situations that "may" happen. Even situations that have no proof or evidence of having any chance of occuring. IT could just be that I have had to adapt to seeing horrible things at work on a daily basis. It can screw with me. Fortunately they have a vicarious trauma course that I was signed on to and that will be taking place next week. 

Somehow all the ducks are in a row and it feels weird. I guess I grew used to not having my ducks in a row? 

I'm more accepting of things. Largely because I've put in the effort to make things work for me. I guess now, I'm benefitting from it and it's weird. At times I just have moments where I think it all doesn't make sense and/or something bad will happen. I continually need to remind myself that even IF something bad happened/happens then it's not as bad as soome of the horrible things I see happen all over the world. The best response to this is gratitude. 

But also to find stories of everyday heroism. Stories that remind me of the willpower of people to go on despite adverse circumstances. 

I have tried to write to myself as if I were my own therapist (an exercise I call self therapy haha) but sometimes I just get lost in my things. I haven't seen my psych for a while because I find that I'm a different person now. Not a bad thing, but a challenge that represents itself I guess. Therapy has helped, but I think now I may just need to visit my p doc every three months and do some psychoanalysis. 

What is it normal people do these days anyway? 

Love is hard too, but it feels worthwhile despite its hardness. 

[MDT]

@TAB @Appleblossom @StanD @Owlunar @Meowmy @Shaz51

and others too whoever is about

[TAB]

sounds normal @MDT  ok I like the 'self-therapy' one .. I used to do what would so and so do in my situation ??

[Meowmy]

@MDT hey hams, thanks for sharing your journey in life. It's very generous of you. Life is hard. It is only  a journey in itself. We are all travellers. Thank you for brightening up my travel when we see each other

On the way.

[MDT]

yeah @TAB It is helpful

I think to be honest I was effected by two things in the past 2 months

1) My relationship took off really fast and it wasn't expected. I learned that these things can't be tailored or maintained like anything. we just need go with the flow.

2) That the war in Ukraine, and indeed anything in that war development effects me somehow because I went to a country that was next to it (Poland). I've never been effected by anything quite like this before. At first I felt ashamed for feeling the way I do, but I have come to understand myself a lot better too. I feel for my fellow person. Maybe my heart bleeds idk

[TAB]

.. affected .. goddam it @MDT  lol ..  google it maybe .. seems natural to me, I dont know a rule tho, think it's different cases re grammar.

just keep eyes open w relationship  as well re it being your first assuming ?

..I assumed you had some sort of connection to Poland? they will prob invade Ukraine after Russians leave anyways lol .

My father was on Russian Front 1943-45 in Panzers Hams 

.. russians in one sentence .. only things they do well is march and sing..

Poles.. dont even go there... lol... but they, like ukraine are meat in sandwich through history

look up misha firer on twitter, very well read, observant,  sarcastic, realistic Russian

[MDT]

From one traveller to another

happy trails friend @Meowmy

[StanD]

Heya @MDT I'm feeling shy & honoured you could tag me in honest post.

I have been absent a couple of  days. Depression hit me very hard. I have the best supports in place, I could ever imagine. Please don't feel bad for me at all. Yep, life. 

I'm not doing great. 

I want to catch up on other posts ppl have sent me, I have not had mental energy to deal with anything really. I'm don't know, I had a moment now, & 'getting back to me' gave me words.

Admittedly, I often get told I'm overthinking things bla bla - reading your post, You are overthinking. I don't like it when ppl say this to me. How do they know, the amount required, of thought pertaining to any particular trouble? I could be underthinking.... & then what?

It's a 'non-comment' , I guess. It's not about "over - thinking" . The important thing is the action. You (like me) took the time to write it all out. I think it's great idea to write here. Firstly, you are witnessed. No doubt! And, who knows, you could get awesome feedback, & it really does help change things. It has for me, anyway. Knowing, my unknown friends care enough to reply, or maybe, I write a post that other's can resonate with & it could give encouragement of being involved .. ?

I'm not sure what else to say. 

Hello my dear friends. I will be back soon as I can to be with you !!

@MDT Love is the craziest, most beautiful, terrifying, complete, indescribable magic. It turns the world upside down & somehow it still seems normal. 

I wish you the Best.

[MDT]

That's a very reassuring post @StanD I do appreciate it

A lot !

[outlander]

its good to see how far youve come @MDT