Managing clutter?

[CannonSalt]

@Appleblossom - thank you so much for contributing to this conversation as an 'approximately clean and tidy' person, a mother and a 'rebellious teenager' - one of us, one of us! 😄
What do you think would make you feel as if you deserved a sanctuary?  What do you tell your kids about stuff if they struggle with mess?

@PeppiPatty - thank you for having the courage to share your own experience with us.  I'm sorry to hear of your troubles back then, and that upon your recovery, your room was gutted.  It has been a source of embarrassment for me that my parents had to intervene/interfere in that way - I'm glad that I am not alone in this, and the painful feelings about it too.

@Neb - yeah - sometimes, when I've been 'going off the rails', I clean.  I have felt 'owned by stuff' for ever. I have a dumb question, and I'm not trying to make fun of you - why does 'everything need a place that is not on the floor or in heaped bags'?  I find that it is harder to find anything when it is 'all put away properly' - which is probably a sign that I have too much stuff in total.

[Appleblossom]

I guess I was a minimal decorator type ... I spent 10 years doing physical essential type renovating and that took off some of the excitement of doing up bedrooms for the sake of it ... I personalised with doonas etc and with different furniture for each of my girls rooms ... I do a little nagging but never really wanted the job of nagging and so prefer to drop standards I guess... but not so far that the kids got used to a horrible environment.

I'm used to tuning out stuff I dont want to see .. a positive legacy from living in shabby places. I always valued people over stuff.

My husband's mother was apparently a clean freak and they all complained about her I was quite happy to be different.

I did far to much picking up for my kids when they were little ... I just tried encouragement and the clothes in basket and rubbish in the bin approach ... I do make things conditional ... eg I wont serve up tea or drive somewhere until some chore is done ... but prefer laidback attitude and co-operation to a spotless home .... I like a home to be lived in.

I dont really like shopping so am not a big collector ... tho have a few books (from 2nd hand stores)... one day i'll get a kindle .....

I have difficulty throwing things out often even when they are broken .cos I think I should try and fix things .. but getting better ... basically I KISS

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @CannonSalt

I just adore your messages;
Cleaning ...... An obsession of many much of my past life ......
I'm not exactly ...... Clean ...... My home always looks a little messy ..... Wool/ threads/ art stuff strewn around / dishes gonna be done tonight ........
I'm always tired and overwhelmed and at last ..... After a long time ..... I've almost completed my first crocheted bag done with my Arlo watching over me.
Someone wrote somewhere of a really good book on de cluttering and ille look for that book but seriously ....... Can everyone here think about how you can somehow ...... Work out how we can keep your family members Out of your bedroom ?
What do you think ?

[PeppiPatty]

Ending of you message ..... About the plants is beautiful
Can you draw ? Have you tried this exercise called frottage ? Your post is so creative !

[AlienBP2]

Face it your "not a collector ."..you are a " hoarder"..,. Affects I in 100 they say...
It must realley hard for you..., to have such a strong attachment to sooo much stuff...
I'll get back when I can think of an " appropriate " things to say....it's not now I will have to think about this a bit more Allan
Good wishes for now...,

[MoonGal]

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@CannonSalt - thanks for sharing about clutter. I go through waves of this, I used to be a control freakery cleaning nut, everything was in its place and had to be tidy, as a way to counteract the anxiety of living with someone who was not as obsessive as moi about things - I went totally the other way, every surface had a pile of stuff on it. I used to just look at all this stuff and feel totally paralysed in being able to do anything about it.

I came to a midway point eventually - but I do have waaaay too much 'stuff' recently in preparing the kitchen to paint and do a spruce up - I went through the cupboards and hoiked out huge amounts of stuff hidden in cupboards. I used the '2 year' rule - if I hadn't used it for two years (or was totally suprised I even HAD that thing, it went to the RSPCA Op shop. That was 3 months ago and ther eis not one thing that went out my door tha I have thought, oh Damn, I should of kept that. 

Now for the Laundry room which is totally out of control too...

[Appleblossom]

I kinda go by the 30 year rule .. i dont really accumulate and do have sentimental attachments and as fashion comes around more regularly than I shop ... I HAVE wished I had not thrown some thing out after a clean out ... we are all different.

I am pretty offended up by the current escalation of "want" or "upgrade" to need ... I think it is BS .. but not everybody agrees with me.  I am not quite a minimalist as I suspect that preference can co-exist with quite a materialistic bent.

I was never allowed to feel I owned stuff in orphanages, foster families or in my real mother's home ... however I do have a desk that my dad bought just before he died... glad I kept it. Getting stuff off me is easier .... than .... and I have the dropsies ... and the left it behind ...but still managed to hold it together to carry 3 cappucinnos when waitressing.  I was definitely bullied into doing work to clean and tidy ... by all sorts of people ...

Yeah keep your mum outta your room @CannonSalt... women who do that stuff make it harder for those of us that dont ... now my son's bedroom and mine have about the same level of mess ... a "controlled" amount ...and we can good humouredly "bag" each other about it ... and we get around to tidying it...eventually. Apparently I have the right to live in my home as I like .. but I am just getting used to that idea. Bit slow ... der ...

Dear @MoonGal it sounds as if you have come to a natural balance about stuff ... we need some ... it is one of the facts of life ... we all benefit from looking at our tendencies and if we can get to a state where our choices are more free and less driven ... that is great.

[CannonSalt]

Maybe if I moved to Pluto they'd keep out of my room. 🙂 I try to see it as an endearing way that they show they care.

[CannonSalt]

Can't draw worth a lick, I'm afraid - is 'frottage' the proper name for barkrubbing? 🙂 I've taught that, it's lovely. 🙂

[CannonSalt]

Thanks, I'd really love to hear about how you feel about your stuff - that might give me different ideas and help me tidy better.