Beyond self harm (TW)

[avant-garde]

I was encouraged to start this thread. Why me? Because this Friday I'll be 7 years clean of self harm.

If I'm honest, it doesn't feel like an achievement, one day felt like something to aim for, 2549? not so much.

I can't say it's been an easy journey, there's nothing easy about quitting something that makes you feel a certain way, but I know that I look back and see where I was those 7 years ago and where I am now and I'm proud of how far I've come.

I can't say that every day is easy, but I'm reminded of something I was told all those years ago, that the boulder needs a push to gain momentum. I see now how much that momentum has helped me in those dark moments of temptation.

However far you are in your recovery, however long it has been, I hope this can be an encouragement.

Whether it's a minute, an hour, a day, or even 7 years, every moment matters.

We are together on this journey, you need never to be alone in the darkness and we are here for you when you succeed and the times you need help pushing that boulder. 

This is your story as much as mine 💜

@Jynx @rav3n @Ru-bee 

(not sure this is the right space so feel free to move it

[Dreamy]

@avant-garde thankyou for sharing this, I'm so proud of you and that's an amazing achievement. I really needed to hear and read this today, as someone that's felt like I've failed myself alot lately when it comes to giving in to those urges of self harm. I'm reminded by people that it's ok and normal to relapse. It doesn't make me feel any better as such but it's a reminder that these things happen. At the moment I'm only managing being free from SH for an hour but that could turn into longer and I'm hoping it does. It's been a rough journey lately and my coping strategies have gone out the window but I'm still trying my best and just taking every moment as it comes. 

Anyway thankyou again for this thread. Sending you hugs sweet, you are amazing ❤️

[rav3n]

i'm so so happy for you @avant-garde staying clean and working on recovery takes a lot of strength, patience and effort. i'm so honoured to be able to share this space with you and the community. 7 years is HUGE. to you and everyone else - keep going, you're all doing the best you can and that's what matters 💙

[NightFury]

@avant-garde I love this post. Thank you for sharing. 

[The-red-centaur]

@avant-garde that's awesome. 

I'm not sure sure how long it's been for me. I don't really count the months/days since I last did. it's probably a few months, but im not sure. 

my way of looking at it is that it's a daily/hourly (or whatever) choice/achievement. In other words I focus on looking forward and making constant choices to self care and not engage with those thoughts/urges. I stopped looking at it being something I havent done/don't do, and I focus on what I am chosing to do and focus on instead. 

I'm not thinking straight today, I'm not sure if that makes sense. Idk how to put it. I would thank myself at the end of the day, and tell myself that I am proud of myself and I'm doing my best, if the day was hard/triggering i honor myself for being brave and continuing to put one foot in front of another. 

Eventually it starts adding up and I look back and realised it became significantly less. I haven't done it this year very much. For me frequency decline is just as important as the final act i did. 

[Appleblossom]

@The-red-centaur I tended to think that way about SH too… frequency decline was worth noting … funny how we can be “technical “ in a sense that protects us from going too deep into the feelings and triggers.

@avant-garde @NightFury @rav3n @Dreamy 

At the moment I am dealing with the consequences of over working… in my hands… leading to strain and arthritis… so I have to be careful… how I think about it and distract myself. 

still its good when it is not active and a part of the past.

[NightFury]

Just revisiting this because @Appleblossom tagged me...

But I needed to see this today, to remember that SH can become less prominent in my life and can decline in frequency. It's a challenge for me at the moment, but knowing that it can lessen helps. @avant-garde