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25 Sep 2023 04:18 PM
25 Sep 2023 04:18 PM
@Appleblossom based on things I remember my mum saying, when she was alive, I’ve thought about doing FOI for records relating to my birth. Based on information on my birth cert I’m not sure if would find anything. Even if had official paperwork that said I had twin that was deceased prior to birth I doubt would change anything.
My fears of abandonment goes back to when I was 9 to 13 years old, death of 4 different relatives, 3 of which I was very close to,. First of which was death by suicide. As an adult I don’t let people get too close any more and am mainly a loner. During last 50 years I’ve had 12 people who had big positive impacts on my life die, 10 of which were very special to me
25 Sep 2023 06:21 PM
25 Sep 2023 06:21 PM
Thats a massive grief load @Patches59 I can understand why you feel abandonment from it.
For me it was weird, but I had separate events. FIrst the abandonment and then the first death was when I was 11, which was dad. I did not take it as another abandonment til much later, when I did the griefwork of figuring out what his presence and absence actually meant for me, beyond other people being mean and saying he was mad, which was no way to support me thru grief. Naughty mum. So their marriage was a bit like that newspaper article, with the pop keeping the letters from the kids, my mother made always said she was "beyond reproach" but that we were better off without my father. Weirdly enough I never felt better off, cos it just meant more bloomin work for me. I also was very frightened of having schizophrenia and tried hard to learn about it. When I finally did get my ward file, it said both parents had the same diagnosis and my mother was outraged, but she did have a few hospitalisations.
I keep trying to find friends and groups where I can just be me and feel like I belong, but also being a loner has been safest.
25 Sep 2023 10:08 PM
25 Sep 2023 10:08 PM
25 Sep 2023 10:09 PM
25 Sep 2023 10:09 PM
25 Sep 2023 11:39 PM
25 Sep 2023 11:39 PM
@MDT your words about not choosing our parents and love between children and parents struck a chord with me. Due to medical issues I was born approx 10 years after my parents were married and was a much loved and wanted child. I was Daddy’s girl and, for majority of the time, had a fairly happy pre teen child hood. Even after finding out the cause in my dads behaviour, it took me a long time to find any positive feelings about my dad. Day he died I was devastated, partly knowing this wonderful man who I had once loved had been taken from this world with the bond we had shared was broken forever.
@MDT @Appleblossom my dad had a stroke when I was approx 12 that over time changed him from very easy going to being verbally and physically violent. About 7 or 8 years after the initial stroke a locum dr got my dad to self admit into local psych ward where scans, plus various other tests done, and my dad finally got treatment but damage done was irreversible. I’m thankful I’ve got great fun memories of my dad prior to my teen years which I hang onto. Memories from approx 12 yo to 20 yo I wish I don’t have
thanks to local gp who I have seen various times since Feb this year who listened and took me seriously I’m finally starting to get some help and was diagnosed with PTSD few months ago. Having this site where can chat about lots of things with people with lived experience is so helpful
26 Sep 2023 12:11 PM
26 Sep 2023 12:11 PM
Having your father's personality change due to stroke is a very sad and a difficult thing to come to terms with as a child. Another loss before his death. Doubly painful. Sorry to hear of your experiences.
Good Morning ... (well its noon now)
@MDT @Former-Member @TAB @tyme and all reading along
This is sad and current. We rely a lot on expertise ... I looked at ABA about 10 years ago but thought it was a bit Pavlov's dog style and we already knew about. Yes the NDIS and NDIA do need to some regulatory teeth to prevent people taking advantage. Ah ... regulation ... a gentler DBT modified approach may have yielded more humans treatment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MNM_0lnjOE
27 Sep 2023 08:21 AM
27 Sep 2023 08:21 AM
02 Oct 2023 02:50 PM
02 Oct 2023 02:50 PM
02 Oct 2023 03:49 PM
02 Oct 2023 03:49 PM
I'm grateful for where I am @MDT just keep being grateful moment by moment to let the good stuff in.
05 Oct 2023 09:32 AM
05 Oct 2023 09:32 AM
Good Morning @Former-Member @MDT @Appleblossom @Patches59 @hanami @Eve7 @oceangirl @Dimity @Oaktree @RGB @Kyle1 @Owlunar @NatureLover @Emelia8 @Clawde (saw you around this morning..)
Have a good day Everyone. very quiet day here. home again. Detoxing and recuperating. In peace. lol ..😎
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