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Vent

amonrae04
Senior Contributor

Vent

Hi just a rant/vent 

 

I'm a solid three months into a depression episode but in reality it's been longer probably closer to 6-7 months.

 

The last couple of months I've been doing. all of the depression stuff right running/meditating/walking in nature/pshycistrist/psychologist and yes I've mildly improved but I'm still depressed and still feel stuck.

 

My self worth and self confidence is so low at the moment I'm still off work because I just don't believe in myself and my value.

 

I know there is no magic switch but it's so hard and frustrating to feel like this for so long 

 

Thoughts are with anyone else going through this right now 

 

 

6 REPLIES 6
Till23
Senior Contributor

Re: Vent

Hi @amonrae04 I am sorry to hear that you feel as though you are not getting anywhere in a hurry. Especially that appears to be in spite of doing a lot of things to try to move yourself on. I have been in a bit of a slump for about 6 months now. I still try to do all my usual activities and even put myself a bit "out there" for me, in doing a fairly public volunteer role last weekend and was even on the local news. No one would think that I was going home just feeling so empty.

Re: Vent

I'm hearing ya!

Sometimes ya just gotta vent...
How ya going? Full of self hate by the sound of it.

I got a task for you.
Go climb your mountain, I shit you not, go climb a mountain. 

Could not be more serious.

Ok, firstly... you do know that you are awesome don't you?
We're all awesome, it's just some of us don't know it.
I wanna try and help you find your awesome, it's not hard, it is right at the back of your brain where you put the stuff you don't use any more. usually smothered by self loathing, insecurities, doubt and all that negative shit YOU didn't put there, OTHER PEOPLE dumped that negativity into your brain.

Back to the mountain... I went for the biggie, CBF looking up the spelling, but the Kosiosko-whatever, that one.

One Christmas eve, was thinking about going and sitting with 20 people I barely liked and rarely talked to and having the pleasure of hearing great aunty Effie burp and fart her way through 4 courses, I had the choice of 4 hours of relatives tut-tutting my life choices or go and do something I would enjoy.
So it was: -
*ring ring...
"Yeah, a dodgy vindaloo got me Aunty, I won't make it, sorry... and give my regards to everyone!"
Swag in the ute and I was off, found myself camped beside a lovely river just out of Thredbo, with, as I recall...
... a massive hangover.
... a close to empty bottle of extremely good single malt whiskey (with an "e")
... a lot of new friends
and...
... a new way to integrate a drinking game into charades... you had to be there. One of the funniest nights I have spent anywhere.


Now a couple of things I want to point out here.
The hardest part of climbing my mountain was just making the decision to do something for myself.
The climb itself is not hard, myself and probably 4,000 other intrepid climbers did it that Boxing Day. You basically get on a chairlift up the steep part and then walk 3 kilometers over gently undulating country to the top of the mountain, in some of the most gob smacking awesome scenery this land has to offer. I found myself constantly stopping and just looking, overawed, thinking what the rest of the world was doing, what they could be doing, what I was doing, and how awesome is this and how freaking awesome am I?

I shit you not, it was a life changer.

Find your mountain my friend.
You are not alone, be the most awesome version of yourself you can, for you, and no one else but you.

if you want to bend my ear and have a chat, feel free, but be warned, like Donkey out of Shrek, the hard part might be getting me to shut up. 🙂

amonrae04
Senior Contributor

Re: Vent

Good for you @Till23 that takes a huge amount of courage and bravery that many people won't know you should be proud of yourself
amonrae04
Senior Contributor

Re: Vent

@ThagSimmons not the reply I was expecting but it made my night thank you! I had a moment ten years ago when i was also in a slump where I just booked a ticket to Nepal and spent a month in a monastery and it completely changed my view of the world and got me out of the slump. I'll keep searching for that mountain it may not be a mountain I've already tried climbing an actual mountain and didn't unlock anything for me this time. But I do need to find my metaphorical mountain

Re: Vent

So jealous of the Nepal thing @amonrae04 
And I was right, you are awesome. 

Yeah, tough finding the metaphorical mountain.
But when you do find it, or it most likely it finds you, you will know, no one will need to tell you anything.
Mine found me.

amonrae04
Senior Contributor

Re: Vent

Really struggling again this weekend my wife seems to be withdrawing as well very stand offish I just don't know how to keep going

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